Narcissistic Personality Disorder- Let's talk about it!

@LeetheUnicorn

1) What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder in your own words?

For me Narcissistic Personality Disorder is having wildly fluctuating self-esteem based off of what others say to you or how they react to you, and based off of my mood highly. I get very grandiose when people are complimenting me and when I'm in a good mood, but when I'm in a horrible mood I berate myself for not being the best.

2) What are the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder? If you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder what symptoms do you experience?

I daydream about being rich and successful all the time, I'm obsessed over it, all the time I'm coming up with plans on how to better myself so that I can be among the rich and elite. I feel like I should only associate with people who are also special and smart and get me. I require a lot of attention and admiration, I want people to admire me for every good thing that I do. I really am entitled and though I try to work around it, it's still there. I also take advantage of other people to get what I want, I try not to do that as often anymore either, but sometimes I still do. I'm very envious of people who are doing better than me, I'm preoccupied with the fact that my brother got into college at younger than my age and I'm not even in college yet. I don't really act arrogant or lack empathy though, which makes people think that I don't have NPD, but I do.

3) What do you think might be the cause of someone developing Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

I feel like growing up with the expectations that my parents made me feel probably really contributed to this, along with the fact that my dad also had NPD, so genetics played a part in it too. I grew up thinking that I had to be the best at what I did and I'm only worth what I can contribute to society, so obviously I want to be the best at what I do.

4) How does Narcissistic Personality Disorder affect your day to day life? Or if you don't have Narcissistic Personality Disorder how might it affect someone's day to day life?

For me, it impacts my day by making me either really afraid to fail, so I avoid doing things all together because if I fail that means that I'm not the best at something. Or, it means that I throw all of myself into whatever I'm doing because of my crippling perfectionism.

5) How do you cope with day to day life having Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

I don't really know, I have to remind myself a lot of the time that failing is OK and everyone makes mistakes, and that life is going to turn out fine. I still have to remind myself that I need to do things even if I'm scared of them, and the only way to progress in life is by learning. You can't learn without being wrong sometimes. It's really hard for me. And NPD impacts almost every aspect of my life. It impacts my interactions, it impacts my judgment, it impacts my eating and body image, etc etc. I like to use DBT when I'm dealing with the high strung emotions that come with it.

6) What are some misconceptions or myths that you have heard or dealt with relating to Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

A lot of misconceptions / myths you hear surrounding Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that we're inherently abusive or evil, and that we're going to hurt you no matter what, and you should be scared of us.

7) How do those misconceptions and/or myths make you feel? Or how would they make you feel?

I think that you can say someone is abusive without equating it to their mental illness that they have no control over having. No one chooses to be like this, and it's not as "great" as people portray it as. I don't feel amazing about myself 100% of the time. Just like every other type of person on this planet, there are a few bad apples, but our disorder doesn't inherently make us an abusive or bad person. I work on making sure I'm not hurting anyone with my actions all the time, it's not easy but it's part of being human.

8) How can we as a community work towards breaking misconceptions and myths related to Narcissistic Personality Disorder? How can we do so in our own community?

We can stop saying things like "Narcissistic Abuse" and just say "Abuse". We don't need to reinforce the stigma surrounding NPD and Cluster B personality disorders in general.

9) What resources outside of 7 cups might there be for someone dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

There aren't many. Not a lot of therapists feel comfortable treating NPD, there's not a lot of information on how to deal with it yourself on the internet or in published works either, it's all about how to survive "Narcissistic Abuse". There's nothing for people like me who are just trying to get better and do better.