Simple Defense Mechanisms
In my therapy group weve been talking about different defense mechanisms. These mechanisms arent exclusive to people with BPD, but they are quite common among people who have BPD. In my group we are talking about simple and complex defense mechanisms. This post will focus on the simple mechanisms that people with BPD commonly use.
Denial- this defense mechanism is where you deny that a problem exists, you dont even recognize it as being a problem. You block the problem from your awareness.
Avoidance- You dont do what you need to do. You run away from the problem.
Minimization- You make your problems (or accomplishments) smaller than they are. For example, youre having a really bad day, and someone asks how you are, you say Fine, or youre honest and say crappy, but then you add, but Ill be okay.
Procrastination- You put things off. You wait for the last minute to do things.
Yes, but attitude- Whenever people give you suggestions you reply with yes, but you always have a reason why something wont work for you.
Unattainable requirements- You set high expectations for other people (or yourself) that are impossible to attain, so then you end up always being let down.
Magical thinking- This is a thought process in which you think if I just had X life would be perfect. Its thinking that you just need one thing, and everything else will fall into place.
Complaining- You have an issue with everything. You complain about everything.
Selective Mood Changes (or Letting go of the reigns)- If you dont get your way your mood changes. Or you decide not to control your emotions anymore.
Projection- This involves an individual attributing their own unacceptable thoughts, feelings or motives onto other people.
Pleasing others- You do whatever it takes to make other people happy, no matter what, even if it compromises your own values.
Idealizing- You put people or things on a pedestal.
Perfectionism- Everything has to be perfect, if its not perfect then you failed.
These are the 13 simple defense mechanisms that we talked about in my therapy group. Which ones do you feel like you use the most? How do they serve as a defense mechanism for you? What are they protecting you from?
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@InvaderStitch
sounds really interesting ! I am thinking now which ones I use more.
I use all thirteen, but some more than others.
I try to be aware of my issues and not get into Denial or Magical Thinking, but definitely use Minimization to make my situation seem better. It's a short trip to Avoidance, Procrastination, setting Unattainable Requirements, Perfectionism, and having a Yes, but Attitude. These all work together to keep me from moving forward when I see a problem.
If I still am confronted with a problem that won't go away on its own or with minimal effort (or if I don't feel dedicated to changing it myself), I move into Denial, Complaining, Selective Mood Changes, and Projection.
If none of that works, I often try Idealizing or Pleasing Others if it means that I don't have to face a challenging mental state, even at the expense of my values. Sometimes I need to go through all of these steps multiple times (and get more and more stressed) in order to get the moments of clarity where I can be even-handed with others while not putting myself down.
DBT skills are starting to help me short-circuit these defense mechanisms, but even then I have to be careful not to Minimize my problems and think I can "solve" my relationships through Perfectionism and Unrealistic Expectations of myself or the other person.
What skills help you get around your defense mechanisms, @InvaderStitch?
@cedarlake
Wow! It seems like youre really aware of your defense mechanisms! Its great to be aware of them because thats the first step to being able to break them down. I think the biggest one for me is to use Opposite to Emotion Action. If I want to avoid something I approach it, if I want to procrastinate I get it done, if Im feeling perfectionistic I allow myself to make mistakes. Im just becoming aware that I use these defense mechanisms myself. I guess you could say that Ive been in denial about facing lifes problems.
@InvaderStitch
I only recently learned the Opposite to Emotion Action, and it's come in handy a couple of times. I just need to use and practice it more often.
@InvaderStitch
I tend to use all 13 of these. The one's I'm most guilty of though are:
Minimization - I never allow myself to really feel proud of something I've accomplished or am good at, because it still doesn't feel good enough. I feel like it doesn't matter, because other people are so much better than I am.
Procrastination is also a big one, but for me it also ties in with Perfectionism. I feel like it's never perfect, or even good enough, so why bother getting started at all?
Pleasing others - Most definitely. Others come before me. They're more important and I need to be someone they can rely on for anything and everything.
Interesting thread and so useful to help tackle these defence mechanism healthily too.
