A terrible day

There
I feel myself thinning,
trying too hard while the mouth turns to chalk,
the voice climbs until it snaps.

That room again.
I know it by smell.
I've been there before, many times.
By how my shoulders fold before I sit.

You speak like this is normal.
Like you want to grab hold of my necm
Even people kneel to feed stray dogs
This isn’t funny business
This hits too close to home

I get swallowed inside
Breath shortens.
Thoughts scatter like dropped coins

You call me again
Again.
And Again.
Each time it means less.

Shame arrives dressed as concern.
I've worn that costume before.
You don’t get my silence.
You don’t get my inside.

My stomach revolts.
I rush twice
One on lunch break
the other after our fifth call

Cold tile.
Fists white enough to disappear.
I want the floor to notice me.
I want anything solid.
Salt breaks loose
face burning, mouth shut,
counting breaths like rules
1..2...3..4...5 and
5...4...3...2...1

Don’t react.
Don’t give you that.
Jaw clenched so hard it hums.
You think I don’t know my limits.
I live inside them.
I know limits to surviving
I know how to drop whole days
into abyss
and keep walking.

You arrived too late
to drown the fading body
I'm ash
Cold, spent
And done caring