I'm happy...?

I'm cold as the ice in a drink,

and still drink up high,

with a brush in my hand,

I swipe over and over,

with each stroke I sigh from a care,

a care for me,

a care worth a million,

yet only happens once,

I pull my hair back with a hope,

a hope to go back,

go back a day or two,

to relive a memory once more,

Or even a year or two.

Just to undo a mistake or a sin,

To grow or change faster,

so I may live stronger and smarter

even with the scars,

even with my heart,

I still choose to cry,

not to relieve the pain,

But to feel the waterfall cover me again,

To feel the cold embrace me,

To endure a calm gentle touch,

The water gives to me,

Im happy,

I'm calm,

I'm not panicking,

nothing is hurting me,

I'm happy...?