5 Ways to Break a Cycle of Family Trauma

5 Ways to Break a Cycle of Family Trauma

So with the article I posted earlier (regarding how trauma can cause a maladaptive response via control), I felt like this one in particular served as a good corollary–as so much of trauma is both cyclical and generational.

Like the accompanying image says, we all have our own story. And if part of that story involves being born into a dysfunctional family, then we have to confront the fact that our frame of reference for normalcy may need some adjusting.

For myself (and many others), my first real epiphany in adulthood that my past was affecting my present was realizing that the romantic relationship I was in was not healthy. Moreover, I also realized that I had been putting up with abusive behaviors in that relationship due to being conditioned to do so in my childhood. And finally, I learned a concept called repetition compulsion that our brains will seek out what is comfortable based on our initial frame of reference.

So with these things in mind, let’s take a look at 5 ways in which we can break a cycle of family trauma:

1. Acknowledge that what happened to you was traumatic.

This point may seem beyond self-explanatory, but in order for us to heal we have to be aware. And that involves acceptance of the trauma that occurred, so we can bring it to the surface and out of our subconscious.

2. Find support to do the inner work.

Speaking from my own experience, this step involved a combination of therapy (via books written by psychologists as well as in-person therapy), peer support, and developing mindfulness.

3. Take inventory of your areas for growth.

None of these steps are easy, but this one was (and still can be) particularly challenging for me. I feel it's true that none of us really want to look at our flaws, but by doing so, we open up paths for moving forward. I realized for myself that some of my maladaptive behavioral patterns were straight-up learned behaviors. This realization was both frustrating and enlightening, simultaneously.

4. Find space for self-compassion every day.

I find this step to have been the most poignant one in my recovery. The concept of self-compassion (literally being my own best friend) was initially foreign as well as lost on me. I didn’t realize that the main reason I was so hard on myself was, again, through learned behavior. After adopting the practice of mindfulness-based meditation, I slowly but surely gained the ability to give myself compassion–almost automatically. I can’t say enough how life-changing this has been for me, not just through the lens of trauma recovery, but with regard to my quality of life overall.

5. Be more open to conversations with loved ones to hold yourself accountable.

As the article states, this step can be particularly challenging–both in its scope as well as summoning the desire to have those difficult conversations with people. In my own experience, I have had to be very selective in whom I have felt like I could confide in regards to my trauma journey. I feel like having those trusted safe spaces with others where we can be accountable to ourselves is immensely important towards both our recovery and just overall self-actualization.


Feel free to read the whole article here

A question for you all:

Regardless of whether or not trauma was the catalyst, in what ways has practicing self-compassion affected your life?

#Trauma #Family #Mindfulness