"Because I Don’t Want to" Is an Acceptable Answer
The truth is, "I don't want to" is almost always the real reason we don't do things.
For some reason, it’s so distasteful to admit that we don’t want to do something that we hide that simple truth with all kind of rationales and justifications. A common example are the excuses people invent to justify not returning a phone call or email. “I’ve been really slammed,” or “I didn’t get that message, maybe it went to spam.”
Chances are they did get the message, but for whatever reason, they just didn’t want to respond yet. It may be that they are not interested in responding at all or maybe responding just hasn’t gotten to the top of their list yet. In either case, you don’t have to wonder whether they want to respond. You’ll know the minute they want to respond because they will. It’s really that straightforward.
Things only get confusing when you forget that other people are understandably more interested in what they want than what you want.
People often try to get you to take on what they want as your obligation.
They may use guilt and shame to make you feel bad if you don’t want to do what they want you to do. If you think about it, it’s remarkable that people can make you feel bad about not doing something that you never wanted to do in the first place, and then on top of that, even make you feel bad for not wanting to do it. One of the most striking examples is answering the phone.
People hesitate to admit that they don’t want to do something because they will be judged by others, and perhaps themselves, as selfish.
Selfishness gets a bad name in our culture as if you should focus primarily on what other people need and not give much thought to what’s right for you. Therapists like to counter this ethic by reminding people that in the safety instruction for every flight, the attendants remind people that if there is a drop in cabin pressure and the oxygen masks drop down that, counter-intuitively, or should I say, counter-culturally, it is actually better to put on your oxygen mask first before trying to help out anyone near you.
Reflection;
People will sometimes try to guilt-trip you into saying 'yes' to things you don't want to do and we sometimes say 'yes' because we don't want to seem rude but in the end, it only hurts us. 'I don't want to should be an acceptable answer'.
Have you ever said "I don't want to" to something? How did it go?
#Rejection #Guilt #Emotions
@comfortableNight4463 I have said "I don't want to" to many things 😂 I'm very stubborn and I usually won't do anything I don't want to. Usually, it's gone well because those around me are pretty patient but there's always someone that makes you feel guilty for not doing what they want you to do. Sometimes I will give in and do whatever it is to make them happy. Of course, there are times when people do this for me too and that's okay.
@fruityPond7887 Yes. I agree! A balance is always good. There are times we might not want to do something but are persuaded to go and that's fine.
@comfortableNight4463 Right :) As long as you aren't the only person doing that, and it's balanced on both sides, I think a little bit of compromise here and there is okay! :)
@comfortableNight4463
It's kind of funny how saying I just don't want to has become such a controversial thing to say when someone asks you for a favor or if they want you to come out to something. I guess it may be that we're trying to keep appearances and not being the person to per se "ruin the vibes". However, it's a very legitimate reason why and I think normalizing it as a response can help people be a lot more honest about their intentions and build clear relationships.
@sunnyWriting4806 Agreed!
