Coping with Anger: Does Venting Really Help?

Anger is generally a secondary emotion underneath which we protect more vulnerable feelings, such as sadness, hurt, fear, or jealousy. It has evolved to help us stay safe. It's an activating "fight" response that is meant to ward off threats to ourselves or to others we are trying to protect. In the modern world, we experience anger not only when confronted with actual threats or harm, but also when we encounter perceived or imagined threats. For some people, anger is a daily experience that can destabilize personal connections and be intensely psychologically draining.

How Can We Cope with Anger?

1. Be careful about venting.

Research shows that unless venting is paired with a new interpretation of the angering event, it can be a way to actually rehearse anger, and thus make it more present and powerful (Murray, 1995). A literature review on the expression of more general negative emotions including anger, grief, and reactions to trauma suggested that emotional expression is only adaptive if it offers some resolution regarding the source and significance of the distress. This resolution may be greater self-understanding or self-acceptance regarding our own actions and reactions, or an improvement in social relationships through problem-solving (Kennedy-Moore and Watson, 2001).

2. In line with the concept of new interpretations, try to identify and challenge thought patterns that are associated with your anger.

Examples of angry interpretations include, "I'm being disregarded or taken advantage of," "My needs are being ignored," or "Other people are lazy, controlling, incompetent, or selfish." It can be helpful to identify alternative explanations for what happened, even if you don’t find them believable initially. You might try to employ thought records or other cognitive tools to help you reduce the sense of threat and feel safer.

3. Beware of physical aggression toward objects.

Similar to verbal venting, "cathartic" aggressive behaviors like hitting a pillow or punching bag or throwing objects can have the opposite of the desired effect (Bushman, 2002). These actions increase adrenaline (a "fight/flight" hormone) and can be a way of reinforcing an association between anger and violence.

4. Do what you can to reduce physical activation and to demonstrate a sense of calm even before you feel it.

Deep breathing, walking, stretching and muscle relaxation may help. Relaxing your face into a calm expression can be surprisingly effective; some older research demonstrates that our own facial expressions influence emotional experience (e.g., Laird, 1974). A calm body gives rise to a calmer mind.

5. Resist the sense of urgency that is often associated with anger and allow yourself time to respond rather than to simply react.

Angry feelings make us want to react immediately and impulsively, when the more skillful method is often to take some time to respond in a considered way. Take a break and delay action to give yourself the best chance of responding in a way that aligns with your values.

*We have probably all had times when something has made us furious. We have probably wanted to react right then and there and have maybe wanted to scream or cry into a pillow. Anger is a hard emotion to calm down from. It's important to realize that reacting while angry will only make it worse and that it's important to take a step back to realize the decisions you actually want to make. Remember, it's okay to be angry. It's how you react that's important.*

Have you ever been so angry that you had to calm down before you reacted in a way you would later regret? What helped calm you down?

#Anger #Mindfulness #Venting

Link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/frame-mind/202203/coping-anger-does-venting-really-help