How to Feel Better About Saying 'Yes'

"The invite came in an email.

I had the response ready before I’d even opened it.

No. No way. I’m busy. I’d love to but… thanks but no thanks.

Over the years, my introverted self has become so comfortable with saying "no" that it’s become easier to reject even the opportunities I would enjoy rather than embrace them. I’m not the only one who is in the habit of saying no, but the practice can be bad for our health and well-being.

According to a survey of 2,000 British adults, more than half have FOSY, or "fear of saying yes." The report was commissioned by U.K.-based company Crodino.

The fear of saying "yes" often emerges when we push out of our comfort zone, wrote Emma Kenny, a psychologist evaluating the results for the company.

“When there’s a chance we might be judged or we have pre-conceived ideas that we’re not good at something, our instinctive, knee-jerk reaction is to say ‘no,’" she wrote.

People also worry about the economic strain and expense associated with saying "yes" to an outing or meal. Or we lack the confidence needed to take on something new. But when surveyed, most people said they do want to push through the fear and say "yes" more often.

Four Ways to Deal With FOSY

1. Practice. It takes courage to step out of our comfort zone, even though research shows that novelty and engagement are good for us—and we often wind up having a good time. Start small, with low-stakes experiences, like a short trip to the art museum, a quick drop-in to the party, or a casual coffee with friends. Over time, it will become easier to say "yes."
2. Minimize expectations. Be open, curious, and present when you do say "yes." Pay attention and recognize that showing up is the most important part of the process. When you have rigid ideas about how things should go, or you have clear expectations, you may add to the pressure. Instead, be open and curious about the experience, no matter what happens.
3. Recruit a support crew. If there is something you are inclined to say “yes” to but are nervous about going alone, take along a plus-one if possible. Having my spouse with me at a party makes it easier for me to walk in. Invite a friend to share the experience with you. The accountability may inspire you to go, and a friend can offer support.
4. Remember your why. I don’t say "yes" to everything. Instead, I pick the things that support those I love, and the events or activities that I find personally meaningful or interesting, those that align with my values. Then, when it’s time to deal with the nerves that come from moving outside of my comfort zone, I'm reminded about why it is worthwhile and that makes it easier to manage.

I left the email invite unread for a day. Then, I typed my response.

"Yes," I wrote. "I'll be there."

The event offered a chance to connect with a friend, and spend time with my family while doing something that would help the community. Those are the things I want to say "yes" to even though I wrestled with some anxiety.

But, I showed up anyhow.

And, I am so glad I did."

*Saying yes to going out or invitations can be difficult when you struggle with anxiety and it's very understandable. It's much easier to stay home in our comfort zone and avoid the uncomfortable feelings. If you are wanting to start saying yes more, it will take time! But there are so many great benefits to going out. We spend more time with friends and family and we can do activities that we really enjoy! You don't have to go out for hours and hours, but start small. There's no pressure! It will get easier with time! We are here to support you along the way should you want to get extra support💗 Do you struggle with a fear of saying yes or social anxiety? What have you found that helps you to face those feelings?*

#SocialAnxiety #FearofSayingYes #SayingYes

Please find the full article at Psychology Today!

If you liked this article, you may like this one on screening for anxiety and next steps!