How to Love Someone With Attachment Issues

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Identify the type of attachment insecurity that might be responsible for the relationship choppiness.

Psychological research suggests that, when it comes to our close relationships, people generally fall into one of three 'attachment style’ categories:

• Secure. People with secure attachment styles have an easier time establishing and maintaining healthy, close relationships (possibly because they experienced healthy and stable interpersonal relationships growing up).
• Anxious. Anxious attachment styles tend to come with a negative self-views and require high levels of contact and reassurance from an attachment figure.
• Avoidant. Individuals with avoidant attachment styles often maintain distance from people to avoid vulnerability and the potential for rejection.

Behave in a way that buffers your partner’s attachment style from relationship "spillover" effects.

Part of this work must be done by your partner, perhaps by engaging in psychotherapy to understand where their issues originate and how to not let destructive tendencies undermine their close relationships.

Another part of this work can be done by you. Once you have identified the type of attachment insecurity at play (anxious versus avoidant), you can learn to act in ways that mitigate its negative effects.

A new review article published in Nature suggests that:

• In the case of an anxious attachment style, partners should provide clear reassurance of their unconditional love and continued commitment to the relationship. This can come in the form of accentuating positive regard, expressing emotions that convey commitment, or soothing distress through physical touch.
• In the case of an avoidant attachment style, partners should strive to demonstrate their trustworthiness as well as respect avoidant individuals’ autonomy. Downplaying problem severity, validating avoidant individuals’ point of view, or giving credit for their sacrifices can reduce avoidant individuals’ patterns of anger and withdrawal during arguments or conflict. "

Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!

Reflection:

What are your thoughts?

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