How to Recover From a Breakup

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1. Find time for both distraction and reflection.

Your instinct might be to stay in bed, alone with your sorrow indefinitely, or to keep yourself so busy you barely have time to think at all. It's better to find a balance—some time to grieve and some time to reengage with activities and people you enjoy. It can be hard to imagine doing both at once: How can I get on with my life while still allowing myself to feel heartache?

Structure your days so you have time for both distraction and reflection. Make time for the feelings to come without trying to suppress them. If we let emotions wash over us like waves, they recede more quickly than if we try to extinguish them.

You might imagine that if you let the tears come, they'll never stop. That isn't the case. I once had a client mortified after a breakup because she kept crying on the subway. Through our work together, she decided that instead of fighting it, she'd allow the tears to come quietly during her commute. New Yorkers famously leave each other alone, and when she did receive a sympathetic look or, in one case, a light squeeze on the arm from an elderly woman, she appreciated it. After a few weeks of having a specific place to allow her sadness, the worst of it subsided.

2. Lean on your other relationships.

Good lives are built on meaningful relationships. When one relationship ends, other connections can buoy you and remind you that love still exists in your life. See all your friends, visit your family, and snuggle with your dog. Connection and love will be the greatest allies in your recovery.

Seeing a therapist will help give you a deeper perspective on what happened and the ability to grow from the experience. Especially if you feel that your sadness is getting worse over time, you are unable to engage in the activities that might help you feel better, or you're stuck in a cycle of shame and self-recrimination, you might consider seeing a therapist.

3. Don't torture yourself.

Allow yourself to withdraw, at least temporarily, from people and situations that will be especially painful. Unfollow your ex on social media, skip the mutual friend's birthday party, and don't force yourself to do anything you aren't ready for. I'm often surprised at how often people resist taking these steps in a misguided attempt to appear "over it" immediately. Just because you "can" operate business-as-usual right after a breakup doesn't mean you should. Treat yourself like someone who deserves extra time, tenderness, and protection, because you do.

4. Be a rebel.

Even the hardest breakups usually have a silver lining—parts of yourself you've neglected or abandoned for the relationship. Welcome back into your life anything you've missed or denied yourself. Couldn't get the cat you've always wanted because your ex was allergic? It might be time to adopt a kitten."

Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!

Reflection:

What would help you recover from a breakup?

#Breakups #Relationships #MovingOn #Healing

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