How to Support Your Anxious Friends
Millions of people struggle with anxiety on a daily basis. Living in a complex world, in addition to facing everyday stressors, can feel overwhelming. Tasks that may seem simple to others are difficult, and severe anxiety can cause mental paralysis that prevents you from functioning.
If you experience high levels of anxiety on a regular basis, you know what I mean. If you are not an anxious person, this information may surprise you. It may be hard for you to imagine that someone could be so anxious that they have trouble just getting through the day.
If that’s the case, this post may help you better understand how to support those around you living with this experience. There are helpful ways to reach out to connect with people we care about, whether we experience anxiety or not.
Resist the urge to constantly reassure anxious people
Although people struggling with chronic anxiety may seek reassurance, providing it to them may not be the best way to help ease their anxiety. Research suggests that repeatedly assuring people that everything will work out or be okay creates a feedback loop in which an anxious person‘s brain craves more reassurance, and it becomes a vicious cycle.
Additionally, anxious people may feel cut off from expressing their feelings and concerns if others around them are too quick to reassure. Sometimes people want to hear that everything will be okay, but most of the time, they want to feel heard. There are better ways to support those struggling with anxiety than to give them a quick and concrete answer.
Validate how they are feeling, even if you can’t relate
If you don’t struggle with anxiety on a regular basis, it may be very hard for you to relate when someone is constantly worried, panicked, or scared. It may be hard to believe or even frustrating to hear.
Allowing people to express their concerns may help you better understand why their anxiety is challenging. Empathizing and validating does not mean that you agree with them. Your role in supporting them is to be a listener and to provide compassion. Most people with anxiety are not expecting others to resolve their feelings for them. Try making reflective statements like "that sounds really hard."
Refrain from giving advice unless specifically asked
Most people talk about their anxiety, sadness, or pain to feel heard and understood. They generally are not seeking advice. If they are, it’s usually clear because they explicitly ask for advice, and then you can provide your opinion. If they aren’t asking what to do, they’re probably seeking compassion and emotional support.
Spend time with them
Many people who struggle with chronic anxiety are also lonely. Their anxiety may prevent them from going out on their own and doing things they enjoy. Regardless of the reasons they are anxious, invite them to do things together as you always would. Let them know that what they are going through doesn’t affect your relationship.
It can be hard to know how to support people struggling with anxiety, especially if you feel like you’re trying to be supportive and it doesn’t feel appreciated. Making an effort to understand what they are going through is a good start. With practice, it will become easier to empathize and provide the support they’re seeking rather than what you think they need.
*As someone who struggles with anxiety, this article really hits the head on the nail with the advice it gives to provide support to that person who may be struggling. I understand the perspective of wanting reassurance, but I also do understand that this only feeds the loop. Being supportive, even if you don't understand, is essential and doing things like just being there for them and listening without judgment are key to ensure that your anxious friend feels heard!*
If you are someone who struggles with anxiety, are these tips helpful for you? If not, what do you hope a friend of yours would do to help support you?
#Anxiety #Support #Friends
Link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trial-triumph/202203/how-support-your-anxious-friends
@fruityPond7887
This article definitely applies to me within the lens of complex PTSD. Because while I don't have anxiety proper as a diagnosis, I get to still experience its effects on a differing basis everyday.
For myself, I learned the hard way, vicariously of that feedback loop the article is talking about. I have a friend whom I have had to put some distance between, mainly because I was becoming (not by choice) his emotional caretaker--especially for his anxiety. It got to the point where I realized that I was unintentionally enabling that feedback loop with that unhealthy dynamic.
If you are someone who struggles with anxiety, are these tips helpful for you? If not, what do you hope a friend of yours would do to help support you?
I would say that these tips were indeed helpful for me. I basically have to remember that anxiety (and even my own thoughts) is a fleeting thing. And that I do not have to be controlled by it every time it crops up. :)
@sereneSunset26 I'm really sorry to hear that you had to put up a boundary between you and your friend. I think this happens when we don't expect it, but it's important to do what's right for you! You have to take care of yourself first. (:
I also agree that it's important to remember our anxiety doesn't control us. It's like waves, sometimes it will come in but it will always recede too! 🌊
@fruityPond7887
I think this happens when we don't expect it, but it's important to do what's right for you! You have to take care of yourself first. (:
^^^ This right here - definitely. There's been soooo many times in my life where I either got myself into bad situations, or stayed in bad situations, simply because I was too much of a people-pleaser. When, instead, my focus should have been on what you said--taking care of myself first. It's been a long road with this, but I slowly learned my lesson. :)
@sereneSunset26 I definitely agree with that. I have always been a people-pleaser, but especially when it comes to those I care about (or cared about). I will fight for my relationships even if the other person has lost my trust or done something to hurt the relationship. I always think I can work things out and things have to be really bad for me to stop giving in to the relationship and take care of myself.
@fruityPond7887 This is a very useful article! I have friends who suffer from anxiety and this would help me help them. Thank you!
@comfortableNight4463 Of course! Thank you for reading and taking the time to understand how to help your friends more! You're an amazing person! 😊💞
@fruityPond7887 Thank you so much! I always want my friends to be comfortable.
@comfortableNight4463 I'm sure your friends are so grateful to have you in their lives! 😄💛
I’m a very socially anxious person and I have no friends.
@cheesecake58 Hi Cheesecake! Thanks for your reply! I can understand how hard it is to deal with social anxiety. Is there anyone around you that maybe struggles with social anxiety as well that you could talk to about it? If you have someone who understands, it may make socializing a little easier if you do it together! 7 Cups also has a forum for social anxiety here: https://www.7cups.com/forum/AnxietySupport_53/SocialAnxietySupportSharing_247/ You are more than welcome to get more support there and write about anything that may be on your mind! We are here for you and there are so many people that you can talk to here! You are never alone! ❤️