PsychCentral: How to Overcome Relationship Stress, Together

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“A solid romantic relationship can offer intimacy, support, and stability — especially during stressful times. Frustrating relationships can be a source of stress, but research suggests that positive relationships can uplift your mental and physical health. Everyone argues, so having an argument once in a while isn’t a sign that you’re in a “bad” relationship. In fact, when couples are able to disagree in productive ways, it can actually improve their communication skills. Research supports that folks who are able to openly communicate with their partner about what stresses them out can help them actively manage relationship stress during tense discussions.

Tips for dealing with relationship stress

Change the scenery and take a break

Staying in one place during an argument can make you feel like you aren’t moving toward an endpoint. Try to put the heat of the argument on pause, take a break, and revisit things after you’ve cleared your head. “I would recommend couples walk around outside and discuss their issues,” says Nicholas Hardy, a licensed clinical social worker, and psychotherapist out of Houston, Texas. “In addition to being outside and enjoying the weather (if it is nice), you are not forced to look directly at each other.” “It takes the pressure off of the conversation, which sometimes allows people to be more open,” Henry says.

When “you” causes trouble, try to use “I” instead

Using ‘I’ language is often better received than ‘you’ language, which comes off as accusatory and can lead to defensiveness. For example ‘I feel really disappointed and unimportant when I’m planning on a date night and you end up canceling it’ taps into the way the situation makes you feel versus ‘Every time we make plans for a date you end up bailing at the last minute.

Ask for help or ask how you can help

You can respond to your partner’s stress by simply ‘asking’ them about it and how you can support them. When you give them less to worry about in other areas, you are supporting them inadvertently.

Hear them out instead of planning your defense

If we listen to the other person and give them an opportunity to explain their point of view, chances are they’ll be more open to hearing us out. When someone is making a statement that we disagree with, our common response is to start thinking of a rebuttal while the person is talking.

Consider the root of their stress

When we are stressed about work, family, etcetera, we carry this into our relationships. Our patience is reduced, and we don’t always have the emotional capacity to handle issues appropriately. If you can help your partner reduce the external stressors in their life, it might help diffuse similar arguments in the future and show your partner that you’re being supportive and sympathetic.

Couples counselors are always available to help

Even after you’ve committed significant effort to de-stress your relationship, it may still be too difficult to entirely handle it on your own. Especially if there’s a deep hurt or there’s been prolonged periods of stress, you could consider couples counseling to help improve your relationship, communication, and manage stress in your lives. Having an objective party sit with you and help you talk through your challenges can be tremendously eye-opening and can lead to so much growth and healing.“

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