Psychology Today: 3 Ways to Not Feel Overwhelmed Anymore
"We all feel like we’re being held hostage by our emotions every now and then. While emotions can be overwhelming at times, most psychologists will tell you that they can also be powerful carriers of information about your mind and personality.
However, it can be difficult to understand your emotions from a detached distance if they begin to overpower you. To combat this vulnerability, here are three research-backed ways you can gain more control over problematic or painful emotions and build mental fortitude.
#1. Undo rejection through objectivity
According to psychologist Mark Leary of Duke University, rejection can come in six forms:
- Criticism
- Betrayal
- Active dissociation (for example, a romantic breakup)
- Passive dissociation (like not being included)
- Being unappreciated
- Being teased
Hurt feelings resulting from any of the mentioned events can result in the experience of the "rejection emotion," which can then turn into sadness, anger, or even anxiety.
In order to tackle our rejection emotion, Leary explains that we must first understand why it is so important for us to feel accepted. Simply put, people feel accepted when they think that they have high “relational value,” or worth, to another person or group of people.
Therefore, Leary advises, if you are experiencing the rejection emotion, make sure that you do not underestimate your relational value because of ambiguous social cues or misinterpreting neutral feedback from others as negative feedback.
If you are going through an obvious and painful rejection, here’s how you can boost your feeling of acceptance:
- Learn to ignore the negative reactions of people whose opinions of us are unimportant
- Seek connections with people with whom we have a higher relational value
- If necessary, make changes in ourselves that would increase the degree to which other people value having connections with us
#2. Watch closely for emotion dysregulation
Emotional dysregulation can be elusive, as it can result from multiple causes. According to psychologist Arela Agako, instances of this phenomenon coalesce around five themes:
- Brain activation
- Physiology
- Cognition
- Behavior
- Individual experience
An emotion can be activated when it is not helpful or needed. Or, an emotion can fail to activate when it is needed.
Moreover, emotions can last longer or shorter than we need them to. These things happen to everyone because our brains and bodies aren’t perfect.
If you are someone who struggles with emotional dysregulation, Agako has the following advice:
- Make time for the emotion, preferably in a comfortable setting and when you can dedicate a few minutes to it without being interrupted
- Notice precisely what the emotion feels like in your body
- Try to name the emotion
- Reflect on whether the emotion was justified by the situation or whether it came from somewhere else
- If the emotion is justified, ask yourself what the emotion is telling you you need at that moment. Is it finding social support? Is it figuring out a way to get out of a dangerous situation? Is it apologizing to someone? Or, is it something else?
- If the emotion isn’t justified, ask yourself if there is another way to think of the situation or what you might say to a friend who is in the same situation
#3. Use the "thinking threshold" to ride your emotional wave
Villieux also has the following words of wisdom for anyone who relates to this experience:
- Sometimes emotions need to be felt. It's okay to just ride it out, because the emotion will not last forever.
- In some cases, cognitive appraisal as a coping strategy may not be the best choice.
- When you have made it past the emotional peak, make a concerted effort to use cognitive strategies to avoid such surges in the future."
@comfortableNight4463
My most recent job that I'm currently doing has a steep learning curve at the beginning that is marked with lots of criticisms and humbling moments. I found myself forcing myself to find a way to deal with criticisms daily. I found that learning how to change myself and allowing myself to grow with a growth mindset has really helped me welcome and overcome all the challenges that come with this job.
@sunnyWriting4806 This is great advice! I absolutely relate, I used to have a job where I was heavily criticized too. It's important not to take criticism to heart and use it as an opportunity for growth. I hope things get easier. You're doing absolutely amazing!