Psychology Today: 3 Ways to Overcome Problem Anger
"Of course, not all anger is a problem. Problem anger is that which makes you act against your long-term best interest or keeps you from acting in your long-term best interest. Here are 3 ways how to free yourself from problem anger.
Step 1. Widen Your Perspective
It's a simple formula: State your perspective and expand it.
My perspective: My wife’s nagging.
Expand: My wife’s probably feeling unheard.
My perspective: This country has a Republican (Democrat, religious, atheist) problem.
Expand: This country has an intolerance problem, and I do not want to contribute to it.
Widening your perspective puts you in touch with your deeper values and makes you smarter, happier, and healthier.
Step 2. Strengthen Your Values
The following exercise begins the strengthening process that will help make anger less necessary. Please select/come up with the personal qualities that reflect your deepest values and identify a behavior that will reinforce those qualities.
- Funny, with a good sense of humor___ (Example of reinforcing behavior: Look for the humor in situations when appropriate.
- Generous___ (Example of reinforcing behavior: Be as generous as I can be within my means.
- Cooperative___ (Example of reinforcing behavior: Try to find ways of doing things that work best for everyone involved.)
- Good parent___ (Example of reinforcing behavior: Focus on the best interests of my children.)
- Loyal___ (Example of reinforcing behavior: Never betray a trust or a promise; support and defend.)
- Vibrant (zest for life)___ (Example of reinforcing behavior: Try to appreciate as much as I can.)
- Tolerant___ (Example of reinforcing behavior: Recognize the basic humanity within everyone, especially when I disagree with them.)
- Other___ (Reinforcing behavior: __________.)
Step 3. Invoke Passion
"Passion" means strong emotion. Though often used to describe anger, rage, and sexual feelings, it also describes conviction and dedication to a cause or specific task.
Anger is against something. Angry thoughts involve devaluing someone or tearing down something. Passion is for someone or something. Passionate thoughts are of improving, building, creating, or strengthening. Anger depletes energy; passion generates energy. Anger is a good motivator. Passion is a good regulator. Whatever you attempt while angry, you'll accomplish more effectively and efficiently with passion.
- State something that makes you angry (Example: People who use religion to justify abuse):
- State how passion would focus you on improving, building, or creating (Example: Focus on the peace, compassion, and love messages of religion)
Summary
- Problem anger makes you act against your long-term best interest or keeps you from acting in your long-term best interest.
- Embedded in problem anger is implicit violation of personal values.
- When angry, we cannot accurately perceive other perspectives, apart from our impulse to devalue them."
Read the whole article here
#Anger #Relationships #Control
💬 Do you find these techniques helpful? What strategy helps you when feeling anger?
@globalBraid3744
State something that makes you angry: When I am treated unfairly by my sons father, and belittled to nothing
Continue to be passionate about my peace in my living space as it is in my own home now that he left, continue to build that peace and help my children understand this is our sanctuary and we can always create more peace. Kindness is the best medicine. I feel if i am more kind, and don't get angry back at the things that are being done or said to me, i can create more peace within my heart, and build that for my future.”
Do you find these techniques helpful?
Yes as it was so helpful, i always have tried to see things in a different perspective, but when in the middle of a rage it is hard, so i have to catch it right in the beginning. What strategy helps you when feeling anger?
Learning to walk away, and Cool off. If i dont walk away i will continue to build my anger up and up, and it wont diffuse the situation so than i am stuck just being more angry and stress builds.. Learning to take the weight off my shoulders. My Peace<3
“DONT EVER LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR PEACE, IT IS YOUR OWN TO DISTRIBUTE TO ANYONE, AND WHEN PEOPLE DISTURB YOUR PEACE, IT IS HARD TO REFLECT THAT PEACE BACK ON OTHERS AND SHARE IT”
@magicalOcean594
I love your elaborative answers. ''Kindness is the best medicine'' indeed, I could not agree more!
Taking time to cool off is helpful as it allows you to release the anger in more healthy ways. Thank you for sharing this with us. You deserve your peace!
@globalBraid3744 These are very good tips! Thanks for sharing!
@comfortableNight4463
Thank you for reading the post, I appreciate it :)
@globalBraid3744
I find myself using the widening perspective strategy a lot. Often time when I find myself angry with another person we generally will have the same intention or middle-point we agree with. It also helps foster communication which helps you resolve the issue much faster.
@sunnyWriting4806
This is very true! I think that often people have the same intention (e.g. to solve the issue), however, in the heat of the argument they take all information as an attack. Therefore, I believe it is very important to show the other person that I am listening to what they are saying and try to make their points heard. Subsequently, it is much easier to work on that middle ground or to find a solution together instead of fighting against each other.