Psychology Today: From Ecstatic to Eclipse: When Love Goes Dark

5 behaviors that predict your relationship will fade to black.

“If you were warned that a perfect day at the beach would end with you soaking wet and miserable, under dark storm clouds, would you still pack your bag and go? No one expects perfection to end in gloomy weather—especially when it comes to love. In nearly three decades of supporting men and women through healing journeys, brought on by the fallout of traumatic relationships, I’ve counseled individuals to be mindful of the five following behaviors that may predict a relationship will go dark:

1. Cheating early in the relationship. Cheating, particularly early on in a relationship, is an indication of poor boundary management and signals a lack of self-control. Looking the other way when your partner cheats is a form of reinforcing disrespectful behavior.

2. Taking no responsibility when the relationship derails. Relationships hit rough patches. When a partner says or does something that is hurtful to their significant other, the ability to say "I’m sorry" and assumes responsibility for the injurious behavior is part of healthy communication and establishing trust. When someone lacks the ability to do this, he or she is announcing, "I can do what I want, and don’t expect me to apologize when I’m wrong." This relationship dynamic can be emotionally damaging because genuine healing is not possible absent trust and accountability.

3. Cruel fighting that hits below the belt. Words are powerful and they can be almost as painful as physical injuries. I recall a former client sharing, “When we argue he brings up deeply painful and personal things I’ve shared about my past. He mocks me and makes jokes about my suffering.” Cruel fighters lead with the intention to use what they know to emotionally wound their partners. It’s a dangerous dynamic that can lead to long-lasting psychological scarring.

4. Abandonment in times of distress. Emotional security and grounding inside a relationship is made possible when you feel as though your partner has your back. Emotionally unavailable people often leave their partners to fend for themselves in times of distress, such as losing a job, the death of a loved one, or illness. When cycles of abandonment continue unchecked, the relationship erodes and becomes toxic due to stress and high levels of resentment.

5. Displays of hostility when inconvenienced. Imagine leaving a late-night meeting and discovering your car is buried under a pile of snow. Naturally, you would call your partner with the expectation of being supported and rescued in a pinch. Instead, your significant other responds, “I’m in the middle of something right now! It may take you a while to shovel yourself out but give it a try!” Successful and satisfying partnerships are rooted in supportive gestures of give and take. Harsh reactions when inconvenienced reflect a self-focused disposition that eventually alienates those seeking support.

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who has exhibited one or more of the behaviors mentioned above, it may be time to reconsider moving forward.”

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Reflection: Do you agree that these 5 outlined behaviors predict the downfall of a relationship? Why/why not? Would you like to add or remove a behavior?

#ToxicRelationships #ToxicLove #Behaviours