Psychology Today: How Men and Women Flirt Using Body Language
Flirting, in general, is accomplished by a various set of non-verbal cues.
“A recently edited book, Nonverbal Communication in Close Relationships: What Words Don’t Tell Us, explores the role of nonverbal communication in relationships.”
Facial Structure
“Research from an evolutionary perspective has found that the structure and shape of the face are cues of attraction. Specifically, men are attracted to more baby-faced women with wide eyes, rounder faces, smaller chins, and smoother skin.
On the other hand, women are attracted to more dominant-looking men – squared jaws and strong brows.
In one interesting study, women wearing red were seen as more attractive, which might explain why red lips and blushing are such a turn-on.”
Gaze and Eye Contact
"There is strong evidence that gazing into another’s eyes is a sign of interest and flirtation. Holding another’s gaze just a bit longer than is customary is a flirting cue. There are, however, sex differences in the interpretation of gaze.
Men tend to view mutual gaze as a sexual invitation. There is even some evidence that mutual gaze in a couple can release oxytocin – the “love hormone.” Men also look more at a woman’s body than the face, while women focus more on men’s faces. There is some evidence that men who hold to more traditional sex roles will gaze more at a woman’s body."
Smiling and Facial Cues
"A smile makes anyone more attractive, but this is especially true for women. Moreover, smiling in either sex is seen as a flirtatious invitation cue. Men and women whose faces display brief positive emotions (happiness, interest) are viewed as more attractive. Of course, laughter, for both men and women, can be flirtatious, but it must be regulated. Too much laughter or overly loud or unusual laughs can be a turn-off.
At any rate, this article lists a few more findings from that book regarding the social cues for flirting. As for myself personally, I find a few exceptions in my life to what this book purports. For instance, I’m not as much attracted to red lips and I pretty much solely focus on a woman’s face when I am in conversation with them.
Flirting in itself has always been a literally interesting social dance to me–whether done in person or over text in our increasingly digitized world. And, paradoxically, while I would like to say that I have become more skilled at/with flirting, I feel like I don’t really take anything for granted. So much of the outcome (to me) seems to be predicated upon a combination of personality as well as timing."
For those who identify as male or female (as well as for anyone who has ever flirted honestly), what are some non-verbal cues that you have noticed yourself using or being on the receiving end of in a social context?
Read the full article here.
#Flirting #Relationships #Communication
@sereneSunset26 I think some non-verbal cues that I've seen people use is certain looks with their eyes, sometimes people will dance flirtatiously at bars or clubs, and certain touches can be flirty too! I think these types of things vary when you're single and looking for someone to date versus when you're actually in a relationship because you know the person better than you would if you weren't dating them yet.
@fruityPond7887
I think some non-verbal cues that I've seen people use is certain looks with their eyes, sometimes people will dance flirtatiously at bars or clubs, and certain touches can be flirty too! I think these types of things vary when you're single and looking for someone to date versus when you're actually in a relationship because you know the person better than you would if you weren't dating them yet.
That's a pretty good rundown of non-verbal communication. I feel like I've experienced all of that on both fronts. Although, it seems like (for me) whenever I feel like I have a handle on flirting, there always seems to be a situation that comes up that makes me feel like I'm back at square one, lol.
@sereneSunset26 Aw no! Flirting can be tough sometimes! I think I would feel silly at first because I've never had any experience with it, really. It can be hard to flirt because I think everyone maybe feels a little differently in regards to what they like and trying to understand someone without verbal communication can pose some challenges sometimes!
@fruityPond7887
Yeah I think what I find most interesting about flirting is that I feel it really is this social dance of minute degrees of vulnerability. I feel like we want to show interest without being overly obvious about it. And of course, reciprocation into conversation is what it is all about I think.
But yeah, personality definitely figures into it, and non-verbal communication certainly is not as easy.
@sereneSunset26 I agree! I think there's a part of flirting where people don't want to seem vulnerable, which I totally get! It's hard to open up to people, especially if there's been bad experiences in the past. But that's what makes us human. Having those vulnerability with others is beautiful and it allows us to share the most important aspects of ourselves with others and form those deep connections.
@fruityPond7887
I agree that vulnerability is one of the keys to experiencing all this life has to offer. Like you said though, our past experiences can (myself as an example) affect how much we can or even want to open up. Life sure is interesting! 😅
@sereneSunset26 That's totally fair and understandable. Past experiences can cause us to close up if those experiences were negative and it can be hard to open back up for fear of it happening again.
@fruityPond7887
Yeah, that's something I learned through working through Complex PTSD. Our brains can be paradoxically illogical sometimes; they seek to keep us "safe" by stopping/preventing us from entering any potentially triggering situations, yet by doing so, they create/perpetuate more anxiety in said situations. Ugh, lol.
@sereneSunset26 Sounds like good ol' OCD 😂 Hehehe my favorite
@sereneSunset26
this is a really fun and interesting article! I really don’t think about this but I’ve noticed there is a whole culture and thought process to what counts as flirting and what doesn’t.
@sunnyWriting4806
You're right; there really is a whole culture dedicated to this. I would also add that someone's (that someone on the receiving end) interest or lack thereof can directly affect their interpretation of the flirtatious behavior.