Psychology Today: How to Build Relationships Across Differences
If there is anything we have learned over the past few years, it is that we are more different than we are the same.
Indeed, according to research from the Pew Research Center in 2021, 59 percent of U.S. adults say they find conversations across these differences “stressful and frustrating,” up from 50 percent in May 2019. How do we come together and solve our most divisive and deep-rooted problems if we can’t even talk to one another?
It’s always easier to connect with people who are just like us, after all. But it’s important that this not become the default response. Indeed, leaning into these sometimes-difficult connections and conversations is exactly what we need more of right now.
Finding ways to connect across differences is how we learn and grow.
From Shared Values to Challenge Networks
Effective relationships are often built upon commonality or affinity. We are attracted to people who remind us of ourselves. We are drawn to those who think as we do, who affirm our worldview and beliefs.
Mentoring Strategies for Connecting Across Difference
Whether in a formal mentoring relationship or simply trying to talk to someone with a different point of view, effective mentoring strategies provide time-tested tools for connection.
The next time you are in conversation with someone with whom you do not share much in common, try using the strategies below.
- Before you make assumptions, get to know them as a unique individual. We each bring a long list of assumptions into every interaction. Before you jump to conclusions based on unfounded assumptions, think of the person standing before you as a unique individual with worthwhile experiences and knowledge of their own. And then let them tell you their story.
- Ask questions. Before you jump in to prove a point or explain their situation, think: Is there another question I could ask first? Privilege learning over knowing.
- Listen to learn, grow, and build relationships of care. When you ask those questions, truly listen to what the other person has to say. Don’t listen to win or to come up with the next best response or even the next best question. Just listen. Give the other person your full attention. Because their story, whatever they are willing to give to you, is worthy of it.
- Offer and accept feedback with grace and humility. Feedback is a gift. It is one of the best tools we have for learning and growing because it allows us to see ourselves through someone else’s eyes if we are open to it. Feedback challenges our deeply held assumptions and to thinking about things differently.
- Set and uphold clear boundaries. Building a relationship across differences does not mean letting someone walk all over you. It does not mean diminishing yourself so that another person can feel powerful. It does not mean letting go of your beliefs, values, and moral center to make someone else feel better. An effective relationship is always built on trust, and trust starts with clearly communicated and respected boundaries.
Read the full article here!
#Relationships #Boundaries #Growth #MentalHealth
@comfortableNight4463 Having a relationship, especially a romantic one, can be so hard when there a lot of differences. I think that we live in a very polarized society right now and people don't take the time to get to know someone before making assumptions. Listening and asking questions is really important to actually get to know a person before you judge them! It's a hard task, but we can get along with anyone if we have that respect of each other's differences!😊
@fruityPond7887 Well-said!
@comfortableNight4463
As someone who has many friends around the globe, I really enjoyed reading this article. What I like the most is that talking to people who are from different backgrounds broadens my horizons as I learn so many things and become more tolerant and empathetic.
@globalBraid3744 This is a great way to look at it. Having friends from different backgrounds helps us to experience other cultures' and I find that beautiful.
