Psychology Today: How to Forgive in Six Steps

We’ve all been there—in the course of your life, someone did something awful that hurt you for which you harbor resentment.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened or what someone did to you is okay but that you choose not to hold on to pain—that’s agency. It’s not letting the person who wronged you off the hook, but about freeing yourself from carrying around the heavy burden of having been wronged.

How do you do it? Forgive someone who’s wronged you, who’s done something terrible, or said something really hurtful to you?

We all carry baggage. The key to a sense of personal peace and joy is processing, learning and letting go. Letting it go is among the greatest gifts you give to yourself. Forgiveness is letting yourself out of the jail of holding on to pain.

These are some of the best steps toward forgiving:

1. Just think about possibly forgiving: You begin with entertaining the notion of forgiving—just thinking about it. You ask yourself, "Maybe it’s time?"
2. Imagine what it would look and feel like: If you think forgiving might be the way to go, think about what it would look like if you were to forgive the person who wronged you. Thinking about it begins to shed light on what might be the reason for holding on to hurt. That’s a step closer to letting go.
3. Ask yourself if this is the right time: How do you forget and forfeit the feelings of hurt that have been the result of what happened? Give yourself the space and permission to take the time you need.
4. Plan to protect yourself from future hurt: How will you protect yourself from future hurt? It doesn’t mean you can or should trust the person going forward. It means that you trust yourself to move on—that’s the gift to yourself.
5. How will you fill the space of not holding a grudge? What will be your new narrative? Something like, “That person did something really awful to me but I’m past that.” It’s a greater sense of, “I’ll be alright, even if something horrible was done to me.” It’s a shift from victim to empowerment—the relinquishing of your role as a victim, empowering yourself to feel differently, choosing to not hurt as much and eventually heal.
6. Make the decision to forgive: Allow yourself to heal with time. Forgiveness is a decision. Healing will follow.

Forgiveness is not easy. Figuring out how to forgive someone is oftentimes the work of therapy—time well spent investing in yourself. But the consequence of holding on to resentment and hurt comes with the price of carrying around a burden that you might want to shed.

Read the full article here!

#Forgiveness #Grudges #Relationships #MentalHealth