Psychology Today: How to Get the Help You Need
"Have you ever needed help and gotten bad advice? Or have you ever asked for help and the person you’re talking to just started talking about themselves?
Talking about your problems and giving advice are both skills that no one is actually taught how to do, so people make mistakes when they try to guess what kind of support you want. However, if you describe what you want the listener to do, you’ll skip the awkward pauses and get what you need out of the conversation.
Say you want their support
Voicing what kind of support you want can help the listener to fulfill that need.
Ask them to just listen
“I have something important that I want to tell you and I just want you to listen. You don’t have to tell me it’s going to be okay, problem-solve, or give me advice.”
There is a time and a place to ask for the exact opposite of the first example. When you’re dealing with a problem and you just want the listener to be aware of it, you can invite them to simply listen.
Invite questions
“I just got some really bad news and I don’t know what to do about it. Can you ask me some questions so I can think it through?”
This strategy is best when you need feedback about a problem, especially something that neither you nor the listener has been through before. Sometimes you need help thinking through which path has the best chance of getting you where you want to go. "
What I have learned from the article
- The lack of training on how to describe problems or offer advice can lead to failed attempts at support.
- Before describing the issue, people often receive better support if they tell others what kind of response they need.
- When you describe a problem to someone, you may want to ask them not to offer any advice at all.
Read the complete article here.
#Support #Advice #Help
@globalBraid3744
Those are some really great lines there. I usually listen on this website but I guess it is something I can definitely use in my life. Sometimes, we just start to talk about our problems and as you mentioned, people immediately problem solve or hear/see the first few lines and start typing paragraphs of advice. It ends up with me listening to them instead. And because we spent time on the same topic, they believe they took the time to have a conversation about my problems. And I can see that it happens with a lot of people. I guess it is something we can ask others as well, what they want at the moment. So even if they didn't state it clearly, we can give them the chance to receive the support they are looking for.
Thank you for such an insightful post. :)
@globalBraid3744 Hi! I really love this article because it helps guide someone during the early processes of getting help and the right steps to take. The hardest step is always asking for help and I applaud you for making that your first step. Just asking for them to be there for you and inviting reflective questions are great ways to open up and have that support system everyone deserves 💖