Psychology Today: How to Help Each Other Through Traumatic Times
“It can feel like too much—that we will never feel lighter. Yet, research repeatedly reveals that we are wired to heal from trauma, especially through conscious, caring relationships. This starts with shifting how we talk to ourselves and one another during traumatic times. Here are some ways to maximize the potential for healing:
1. Think small
If we are hyper-focused on doing something big to help ourselves and one another, we may not be able to pull it off, with all the extra weight we are carrying. Small acts add up, just like stress and trauma can. Consistent, kind micro-gestures can go a long way, providing benefits for the giver and receiver.
2. Validate, don’t judge.
Listen and respond with a non-judgmental lens, one of curiosity and compassion. Consider using phrases such as “I believe you," “I’m glad you had the courage to tell me this," and “This sounds really hard” to demonstrate empathy and spur healing.
3. Avoid pity and patronization.
Recognize human strengths. We are not irreversibly damaged goods even when we feel completely trauma-logged. Healing is within reach. It is not a moral failing or lack of strength when we don’t feel strong. Growth is nourished through empathy, not pity and hyper-focusing on deficits.
4. Increase trauma literacy.
Understand that recovering from trauma is a process. Much has been written and broadcasted to help inform and uncover pathways forward. You can read Judith Hermann’s Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror or Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Check out the V-A-R tool by Active Minds to learn additional strategies to build connection and camaraderie. “
Key Points:
- The grave state of the world and myriad fears can lead to experiences of feeling trauma-logged.
- Conscious, caring relationships can help mitigate stress and trauma.
- Small, strategic acts can help enact a process of healing, growth, and recovery.
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the whole article here
#Trauma #Support #Relationships #Recovery
💬 Think about
a time when you were hurting and someone really listened to you. What did they
do that was helpful?
@globalBraid3744 I think not judging and actively listening is the best way to listen to someone and have them feel heard. I honestly just like having someone's company when I am feeling sad. There are times when I don't want to talk about things because I feel like I'm just retriggering myself but I feel most heard when someone just listens and doesn't voice their opinion unless I ask for it.
@fruityPond7887
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I get what you mean. It might make the person feels worse if all they need is to have someone listen to them but the other person starts offering solutions or saying opinion which is not what the person wants to hear.
@globalBraid3744 Exactly! I always like to ask my friends if they just want to rant or if they want an opinion or some advice. I think it helps guide the conversation before it starts and there's expectations already set :)
@fruityPond7887
I completely agree! I think it is good to set the expectations at the beginning because then the other person might feel misunderstood or have unrealistic expectations. Talking about it can also give them time to think about what they really need at the moment and saying it out loud might help with emotional processing.
@globalBraid3744 I agree! Having those expectations can give room for the person talking to speak freely without worrying that the other person will say something they wouldn't particularly prefer to hear.
