Psychology Today: Joy Doesn't Need Despair

I’ve often heard that you can’t feel great joy without having been through profound sorrow. Sometimes the statement is worded a little differently, but the overall sentiment remains the same. The general message seems to be that the heights of happiness are somehow offset by the depths of despair. How far up you go depends on how far down you can endure. You only get to be elated because you can also be miserable.

I don’t think the prevailing notion is right. In fact, I think it might be more harmful than helpful.

Happiness and sadness are not at opposite ends of the same scale. I have no doubt that they are both firmly bound to the process that keeps us living, but they are not organized in a trade-off kind of arrangement.

We can even feel good and bad at the same time depending on what we are getting or missing out on.

Happiness and sadness are not linked to each other. They are linked to the goals, ambitions, dreams, and values by which we forge our lives.

Some people’s lives are a constant struggle to get even a portion of what they want. They might be persecuted and downtrodden. There are still places in the world where slavery exists. Globally, large numbers of people never have the food they need for themselves and their families. Many people are in situations where their preferences are ignored.

Should we comfort ourselves by supposing that people who live in impoverished conditions won’t be suffering too much because it’s likely they’ve never been super cheerful either? Thinking such as this seems to lack any kind of scientific basis and would be more likely to worsen rather than ease inequity and social injustice.

To assert that despair gives meaning to elation suggests that a strategy of taking a middle road could be the best option. Carving out an existence of bland and blunted emotions might be the answer. Perhaps it is not worth chasing intense pleasure because then we won’t risk being plagued by anguish and misery.

Happiness and sadness are not like the shadow and the light. It is the case that you can’t have shadows without some light, but you do not need to feel forlorn in order to give meaning to positivity and optimism. Feeling great and feeling gloomy are more like the tastes we savour.

Recognizing, honoring, and nurturing our controlling essence is the first step in creating a world for ourselves and the selves who are yet to come that is depicted by harmony, cooperation, and contentment rather than conflict, competition, and strife.

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#Happiness #Joy #Sadness #Emotions