Psychology Today: Let Go of Commitments That Weigh You Down

Most of a person’s tasks, even all of them, could be individually rewarding and done for a good purpose, but taken as a whole, they’re often too much. It’s certainly gotten this way for me.

Doing crowds out being, the urgent crowds out the important, and you go to bed after working hard all day feeling frustrated and maybe self-critical that you didn’t get more done. Meanwhile, your body's stress chemistry has gotten jacked up since hurrying, multi-tasking, and feeling pressured trigger essentially the same hormonal and neural mechanisms that helped our ancestors run away from charging lions. There's an unfreedom at the heart of it all: you can feel chained to obligatory tasks.

What to do?

Take On Fewer Tasks
Of course, it’s good to make an effort to hold up your end of the log. You honor your previous commitments.

But when you can–which has become very important for me lately–be careful about adding new, discretionary items into the commitment's hopper. Give yourself time to think. Be clear about all the little things that will come with this additional obligation, including new things you’ll have to think about or take time to do. Are the rewards of the new commitment really worth these costs?

Put a Fence Around Doing

Set a time each day when you are truly done: no more emails, no more housework, no more projects. You made an effort today, did what you could, and now you’re clocked out.

If you value exercise, commit to a class at the gym or reschedule dinner to give you time for a run when you get home from work. If you value meditation or prayer in the morning, get to bed half an hour sooner so you can get up half an hour earlier to do your practice.

Shift Your Relationship to Tasks

Watch your mind and its sense of “must” when it comes to tasks. Keep returning to the feeling that you are choosing to do the task, not driven to it. Remind yourself–when it’s true–that you actually don’t have to do a particular task. Try to calm down any sense of drivenness or urgency. Slow down a little. Try to do tasks from the “green zone” where you experience that your fundamental needs for safety, satisfaction, and connection are already basically being met.

When you do finish a task, take a moment to register it. Let an appropriate sense of completion and satisfaction land before rushing on to the next thing.

Recognize That Tasks Are “Empty”

Be aware of the experience of doing a task–the sights and sounds and emotions while washing dishes say–and then notice how the experience is made up of many parts that constantly change and blend into each other. While the plate in your hand is substantial–you can hold onto it–your experience of the plate is not: the sensations and images of the plate are insubstantial; you can’t hold onto them. Your experience of the plate and everything else is “empty” of independent substantiality.

When you look at task-doing this way–not so much as things happening “out there” but as experiences happening “in here”–and you can see the multi-part, fleeting, insubstantial, and “empty” nature of these experiences, something shifts. You feel freer inside, less bound to tasks, and more relaxed and open.

You still get a lot done, but in a more peaceful way.

Read the full article here!

#Commitments #Burnout #Stress #LettingGo