Psychology Today: Overcoming the Trap of Surrendering to Failure

To feel insecure about ourselves and our capabilities is one thing, but to wholly and fully confirm that by giving up is another.

The greatest fear of any general on the battlefield is to surrender, as this leaves scars long after those incurred in the war have healed. To surrender makes us victims of ourselves, others, or the world at large. To give up on a business proposition, surrender a research project because it’s not developing quickly enough, or stop a new fitness regime because you don’t think yourself capable enough to see it through can leave a scar and victimize us.

Scars of Rejection, Scars of Failure

The pattern of giving up at critical stages in the process acts in a way to confirm the individual’s greatest fears. If they feel incapable and then doubt themselves to the extent that they give up, then they create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Their greatest fear becomes real, not because it was inevitable, but because it was brought into reality by their own behaviour. The prophecy of the event leads to the event of the prophecy.

It can also lead to obsessing about it and then acting as though it were true, making it become true, often leading to very complicated forms of depression and anxiety.

Few things worth doing come in a painless package and we should accept this reality. However, as Albert Einstein once said, ‘Life is a process of ongoing and continual problem-solving.’

Overcoming the Trap of Surrendering

Rather than give up and give in, you should wait and see if there are any other possible solutions. For example, do you fear failure? Do you feel you’re not capable? Do you doubt your own resources? Have you taken on too much and expected too much of yourself? Have you thought about asking for a bit of help or support?

If so, here are a few ideas:

• Try seeking assistance.
• Try taking a break.
• Test and see how much more of the project you can proceed with.
• Bring yourself to fear surrendering because of belief, rather than the fact that your situation is insurmountable.
• Break the problem down into as many small parts as possible and work slowly from the smallest to the biggest.

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#Fear #Failure #Rejection #MentalHealth #EmotionalRegulation