Psychology Today: The Dangers of Text-Message Tennis

“New relationships can be tricky, especially when connecting with someone usually happens through some form of technology. Whether you meet someone on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or at a party, it is likely that your method of communication following that first connection will be via text message.”

“With texting, you don’t have the benefit of eye contact, body language, or the magic of sharing physical space. You have to rely on a few words that pop up on your phone screen to figure out whether or not someone’s interested.”

“The back and forth of text messaging in the early stages of a potential relationship can make you feel much like I did when I played tennis with my brother: powerless. You’re constantly on the other side of the court, tense and anxious, waiting for the other person to hit the ball so you can figure out which direction to go.”

“You go right back to frustration, annoyance, and straight-up anger, as you wait for the person to serve the ball again, and it’s likely this pattern repeats several times. After a few weeks, you don't know them any better, and you're no closer to meeting in person. But you can’t seem to stop playing the game.”

“Playing text-message tennis can lead to unhealthy thought patterns in which you over-analyze and overthink every single message, hoping to figure out their strategy and create a new one for yourself. Why haven’t they texted me again? Maybe I should wait to text them; otherwise, they’re going to think I’m desperate. But what if they think I’m not interested? How long should I wait?”

“These thought patterns can trigger anxiety, which will likely interfere with your daily life, and, try as you might, you can’t seem to fully disconnect from your phone and resume doing all the other things that make you happy.”

“Before you jump into a game, be very clear on what you want. Do you want a committed relationship, or are you OK with a casual situation-ship? Send them a text message first, if you’re comfortable with that, and give them a chance to engage in a healthy back and forth. Inevitably, they will show you how they play and what they want.”

“Overthinking or analyzing someone else's text messages to figure out their strategy is an epic waste of time and mentally draining. Stay focused on your side of the court and continue to do all the things that make you happy.”

Read the full article here.

#Texting #Communication #Relationships

My Take:

I mean, who hasn’t experienced any/all of this dynamic via texting these days? Whether I’ve met people offline out in the wild or online in apps, texting seems to be something close to the default method of communication in our digital age. Of course, in the non-dating context, any delay/gap in texting is usually pretty inconsequential. But as this article points out, it’s when we’re trying to get to someone personally, that this method of communication can and does reveal its imperfections.

And I don’t know if it’s just my personality, life experiences, or maybe all of the above, but I’ll usually prefer a more personal method of communication (in all contexts). The exception to this for me is when I just have something quick to say and/or I’m about to meet the person, in-person, soon enough anyway.

But yeah, nobody’s perfect and no form of communication is perfect, either. All I know is that I definitely have my own personal preferences where communication is concerned, lol.

And as a question for you all:

Given that we’ve all texted/experienced texting, do you all have any opinions/feelings/experiences related to this particular method of communication?