Psychology Today - The Extraordinary Strengths of the Emotionally Neglected
What is childhood emotional neglect? It’s a simple but powerful force in the life of a child. It requires growing up in a household where your feelings don’t matter.
5 Uncommon Strengths of the Emotionally Neglected
Independent
Growing up, you knew, even though it was perhaps never said out loud, that you were essentially on your own. Problem with a teacher? You solved it. Conflict with a friend? You figured it out yourself. Your childhood was a training ground for self-sufficiency. Now, as an adult, you likely prefer to do things yourself. Because you’re so very competent, the great thing is that for the most part, you can.
Compassionate
As a child, your feelings were far too often ignored. But that probably didn’t stop you from feeling for others. Research has shown that even young babies feel empathy. I have noticed that many people who were emotionally neglected in childhood have decreased access to their own feelings, but extra sensitivity to other people’s feelings. Compassion is a powerful, healing, and bonding force. And you have it in spades.
Giving
Having received a dearth of emotional acknowledgment and validation in childhood, you learned not to ask for things. Part of being independent and compassionate is that you are more aware of others' needs than you are of your own. So now as an adult, you don’t ask for a lot, but you do give a lot.
Flexible
As a child, you were probably not often consulted. Instead of being asked what you wanted or needed, you had no choice but to adjust to the situation at hand. So now, all grown up, you’re not demanding, pushy or controlling. Instead, you’re the opposite. You can go with the flow far better than most people. And you do.
Likable
The people of childhood emotional neglect tend to be some of the most likable in this world. Compassionate, giving, and selfless, you may be the one your friends seek out when they need help, advice, or support. You are there for your family and friends, and maybe even strangers too. Others know that they can rely on you. Are you ever puzzled about why people like you? It’s because you have these five unmistakably lovable qualities.
Many emotionally neglected people are secretly aware of their great strength, and value it in themselves.
Read the full article here.
#Resilience #Selfcare #Trauma
My Take:
Although I realized that a clinical psychologist wrote this particular article, I found some of what she said to not be personally applicable to me with my own journey through trauma. For instance, yes, my childhood made me independent in some ways, but I had to overcome programmed codependency in other ways. So, in that regard, it cuts both ways for me.
However, for better or worse, I do vibe with the rest of the prescribed strengths that can be borne from trauma. So don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for these strengths, but I would have much preferred to have been able to develop them on my own through my personality and not so much out of necessity.
And as a question for you all:
For any kind of adverse events you have been through in your life (childhood or otherwise), what are some strengths that you yourself develop through and because of the adversity?
@sereneSunset26 Nice article! As a result of childhood circumstance, I feel like I'm less emotional during times of distress. I've developed the ability to remain calm when chaos erupts all around me.
@comfortableNight4463
I meant to get back to this; that is honestly such a great trait to have. Not just for yourself but for the others around you. :)
@sereneSunset26 I agree. I'm able to control my 'anger' very well and I've never let it get the best of me.
@sereneSunset26 I'd say i have the ones listed in the article as a result of the emotional neglect
On a slightly different note however, I think when she speaks of independence the doesn't mean emotional independence. As a person who's been neglected, it would make sense for us to look for what we didn't have and overdo it aka emotional codependency. On the other hand, you're so used to your needs not being fulfilled you tend to care for them yourself and prefer that cause that way you won't have to deal with being so noticeably neglected again.
@zealousGrace5023
"On a slightly different note however, I think when she speaks of independence the doesn't mean emotional independence. As a person who's been neglected, it would make sense for us to look for what we didn't have and overdo it aka emotional codependency. On the other hand, you're so used to your needs not being fulfilled you tend to care for them yourself and prefer that cause that way you won't have to deal with being so noticeably neglected again."
That is a wonderful point as well as distinction. It's almost like a yin-yang push and pull for those of us who have been through that kind of neglect. You definitely gave me a lot to think about today. :)
@sereneSunset26 it presents in so many ways
@zealousGrace5023
For real though!! It's something that I notice in my life everyday, at different times, and in different situations.
@sereneSunset26 i relate
@zealousGrace5023
Honestly, for as simple as this sounds, it *is* nice to know that there are some things in life that we are not alone in facing.
absolutely it's consoling
@zealousGrace5023
Yeah, and for me, it adds a layer of personal security to know that, for as crazy and challenging of situations that we may face (or be born into), that we're truly never alone.
@zealousGrace5023 yeah absolutely
even if your situation might be one in a million theres still 8 billion people so about 799 more people like you
@zealousGrace5023
Well dang, I was hoping that there would be at least 800 people like me!! 😜
Your point is well-taken though; with the literally billions of people on this earth, we're guaranteed to never be alone with whatever we got going on.
@sereneSunset26 hahaha you're like you that makes it 800 😭
@zealousGrace5023
Exactly!! Lol.
@sereneSunset26 I think the adverse events that I have experienced have definitely taught me to keep hope alive and to be resilient. Without these, you have nothing to keep you going. This life is tough but you have to be tougher!
@fruityPond7887
"I think the adverse events that I have experienced have definitely taught me to keep hope alive and to be resilient. Without these, you have nothing to keep you going. This life is tough but you have to be tougher!"
I really do like what you said here; I feel like I've learned a lot of those same lessons. And yeah, there's a certain amount of grit and toughness we have to have just to keep going on at times. Our time here is limited here anyway - might as well enjoy it. :)
