Spotting Subtle Signs of Self-Sabotage in Your Life
"Self-sabotaging behavior can be challenging to overcome, especially if it is based on denial, which keeps the pattern in play. When self-sabotage is affecting a person’s life, it boils down to one overarching theme: fear of happiness. For many who are in a habit of sabotaging their happiness, it is because they may have experienced significant loss, pain, and trauma earlier in their lives—making happiness something that is both wanted and feared.
No one is immune to self-sabotaging behavior. However, the focus should be on understanding how often a person engages in self-sabotage and the underlying reasons. Three common areas where self-sabotage occurs include:
Neglecting Overall Health
When overall health is neglected, it is often because of fears of inadequacy or fears of not knowing how to care for themselves. Many adults who were raised in adverse conditions were not taught life skills, including how to tend to their physical and emotional health. Recovering from this pattern of self-sabotage typically requires professional intervention, including teaching healthy and adaptive skills, monitoring progress, and providing ongoing support.
“Boredom”
Often (not always), feelings of boredom are actually red flags of deeper issues that may stem from trauma. For example, many who have developed a “flight” trauma response turn to distractions such as technology, workaholism, substance addictions, excessive or dangerous workout routines, binge eating, or other compulsive behaviors as a way of self-medicating and pushing away more vulnerable feelings.
“Boredom” can include feelings of impulsivity, an inability to remain calm, or having distracted thoughts (i.e., rumination, obsessive overthinking). Self-sabotage can be seen as “comfortable” because chaos or instability may feel familiar, or a person might feel like that is all they deserve. When feelings of “boredom” surface, it is important to examine the underlying motivations for impulsive self-numbing behavior.
Choosing Toxic People
When a pattern of self-sabotage centers around a person’s relationships, a hard truth to accept is that a person will gravitate to what they believe they deserve. If there is a habit of self-sabotage that includes choosing toxic relationships, it is important to recognize a few patterns that can help separate conditioned “beliefs” (and self-sabotage) from authentic connections and healthy relationships. First, look at your friends and partner. Do these relationships resonate with past pain? Does your partner resonate with personality traits, attitudes, or behaviors that recall an abandoning parent or abusive caregiver? What patterns have previous partners shared with your current one? While these may be tough questions to ask ourselves, the goal is to help shed light on how self-sabotaging behavior may be affecting our choices in our relationships."
Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!
Reflection:
Do you tend to self-sabotage at times? How do you cope?
#Self-sabotage #EmotionalRegulation #Trauma #Coping
@comfortableNight4463 Negative previous experiences such as long-term abuse and personality factors can falsely convince someone that they don't deserve to be happy.
That's definitely an issue our society is facing, especially concerning teens / young adults. It's importnat to spread mental health tips and positive psychology, in order to help people realize that they deserve a good life with love and respect.
We should also support them at their building self-confidence and self-validation journey. Thank you for the great post!
@calmDew1576 Exactly. Everyone deserves love and respect no matter their circumstance. I hope we can spread awareness on this topic which can reach many people who need to hear this.