The Most Important Thing I've Learned About Crying
Crying is the hallmark of mourning, practically shorthand for the experience. We grieve therefore we cry. Tears are the outward and spontaneous expression of a feeling too primal to fully express any other way.
But tears, and vulnerability in general, make other people uncomfortable, so we try to suppress them in public. When they insist upon spilling out despite our efforts, we are embarrassed by the social faux pas.
Avoiding of the grief monster
I imagined grief as a huge, terrible monster (resembling, in my imagination, Godzilla) lurking behind me, ready to tear me apart. I thought that once acknowledged, the grief might kill me, so for as long as I could, I refused to turn and face it.
Crying time
I don’t know when or why the crying started, but it eventually did—with a vengeance. I cried often, and hard, and I could not regulate it. The grief would start as a lump right beneath my collarbones. It would well up into my throat and refuse to be suppressed until the sobs came tearing out of me in great, painful wails.
Crying emotional tears (as opposed to something-is-in-my-eye tears) is good for us. It releases endorphins. And not crying when you’re sad—called repressive coping—can be bad for us in various ways, including cardiovascular health. Tears also promote attachment, empathy, and bonding behavior. Embarrassing as it feels, crying in front of others creates or strengthens bonds. We actually honor people when we trust them enough to show our pain and allow them to offer comfort—the trick is to try to be selective as to who we honor with those tears.
Everyday tears
Eventually crying is just part of life for those of us who are grieving. The tears come at will. Sometimes we can identify a trigger, but not always.
The most important thing I’ve learned about crying is to let it move through me. I feel the buildup, let it out, get on with things. I don’t try to stop it, except in public, because that’s awkward.
Crying controlled me for a while, but no longer. Yes, I still cry. Plenty. My tears probably will never dry up completely. But I don’t want them to. Not completely. These days I think of them as liquid love.
Reflection on this article;
- Crying is healthy. Don't suppress it!
- It's okay to grieve and cry. Eventually, the tears would become less-frequent.
#Crying #Grief #MentalHealth
@comfortableNight4463 This is so important and I am so glad that you shared it! Crying is such an important part of the grieving process or just if you are feeling down, it helps to get everything out. I believe I saw somewhere that tears help relieve your body of some negative toxins. Thank you for the reminder!
@fruityPond7887 Exactly! Crying is a natural response so don't suppress it.
This helped me. I've been feeling embarrassed about the tears I shed when my mom's dog died yesterday. But gratefully it led me to finally try the 7 Cups app.
@pioneeringSailboat7124 I'm so sorry about your loss. It's totally okay to cry when grieving.
@comfortableNight4463
I did not know that not crying when you’re sad can be bad for our physical health as well. I think we should never take crying as unjustified even if it is not the result of grief. Some people - including me - are more sensitive to things happening around and crying can help to relieve overwhelming emotions and tension even when other people do not see any reason to cry. For the person, it might be an important part of their coping.
@globalBraid3744 True. Crying helps people cope sometimes.
