The One True Love That Protects You From Loneliness

Those single people who love being single–what are they really like? I’ve been studying people powerfully drawn to single life for many years. I call them "Single at Heart." For them, single life is their best, most authentic, meaningful, fulfilling, and psychologically rich life. They are not single just because they had bad dating experiences, because they have “issues” or any other negative reason. They love what single life has to offer. I created a quiz, “Are You Single at Heart?” to better understand what it means to be Single at Heart. More than 17,000 people (and counting) from more than 100 nations have answered the quiz questions. I also asked people who identify as single at heart to share the stories of their lives with me.

In most ways, the results of my studies matched what I had anticipated. For example, people who are Single at Heart love their freedom. They love getting to curate their own lives. They want to be the deciders, deciding about the little things in their everyday lives (like what to eat or when to sleep) or the big, life-altering choices.

They like welcoming whomever they want into their lives and however many (or few) people they want without defaulting to the conventional script of building their life around a romantic partner who expects prioritization above everyone else. They like deciding for themselves about the place of children in their lives. They enjoy intimacy on their own terms–that’s a big plus, too.

The One Surprising Finding: The Overwhelming Love of Solitude

I expected to find that people who are Single at Heart love their solitude. But I was blown away by just how defining a characteristic this desire turned out to be. In the quiz, one of the questions asks, “When you think about spending time alone, what thought comes to mind first?” Among people who scored as clearly not Single at Heart, a solid majority, 59 percent, said that they worried about being lonely. But among those who score as clearly Single at Heart, nearly every one of them–98 percent!–chose the other alternative, “Ah, sweet solitude!” I asked the dozens of Single at Heart people who shared the stories of their lives with me how important it was, if at all, to have time to themselves. Every one of them said it was important. With great emphasis, some said it was extremely or hugely important. Several said it was like breathing."

Read the full available article at Psychology Today

Reflection: Would you describe yourself in the category "Single at Heart" or "Not Single as Heart" and why?

#SingleAtHeart #Solitude #Love