The Power of Praise
I was in the back seat of a yellow taxi gripping my mother’s hand like a 5-year-old, scared and hoping Mommy would make it all right. But, in fact, I was 28 years old, still scared and hoping my mommy would make it all right.
We were coming home from UCSF hospital, and I was in a full-body brace, having survived spinal fusion surgery exactly a week earlier, and heading to the tiny walk-up apartment my husband and I shared over the Stockton Tunnel in San Francisco. Each time the taxi lurched around a corner or bounced over the famously steep hills, it felt like every vertebra was being shaken out of alignment.
I opened my mouth to yell at the driver or at least whimper, but before I could do either, my mom leaned forward and exclaimed brightly, “Thank you!” The driver glanced at us suspiciously from his rearview mirror.
“You’re just the best driver I’ve ever seen,” my mom continued. “These hills must be so hard to drive on. And I’m so grateful because you see, I’m taking my daughter home. She had surgery on her back and is so fragile. And because of you, she’s going to get home safe. Thank you. You’re wonderful.”
In the mirror, I could see the driver smile proudly. I felt a flash of resentment, but before I had a chance to contradict my mother’s praise, a miracle happened. The driver slowed down. He craned his neck left and right before making each turn. And indeed, he drove us home like the best driver I’d ever seen. And because of that, I arrived home intact.
In that moment of crisis, what my psychologically wise mom had intuited was only obvious to me in retrospect: Praise is powerful.
What we know about praise:
One recent study of 28 middle school classrooms found that the ratio of praise to reprimands strongly predicts a multitude of positive outcomes. The more teachers praised students (“Great job finishing your paper, Billy!” or “Class, you listened very carefully during the lesson on fractions!”) relative to how often they reprimanded them (“Start paying attention or your name is going on the board!” or “Sam, stop bothering Kim!”) predicted greater academic engagement and even report card grades, particularly for students who at baseline were more disruptive.
Don’t react to bad behavior with reprimands. Criticism can lead to defensiveness and opposition.
Do praise the positive. By highlighting what you appreciate in another person, you might create a self-fulfilling prophecy, a virtuous cycle in which the expectation of acting positively leads to more reasons for praise.
*As someone who works with children, I found this article to be awesome! Praise can do so many wonders if used more frequently than reprimands. No one likes to be reprimanded, so I fully understand why children would become more defensive or defiant when reprimanded. I understand that children need to be reprimanded when behavior isn't acceptable, but if we try to include more praise than reprimands, I think we could all experience a lot more peace. This can also apply just to ourselves. I think we would all be a lot happier if we were kinder to ourselves and not as critical.*
Do you feel as though praise works better in terms of reinforcement rather than reprimands? Do you think that you could be kinder to yourself in terms of giving yourself more praise?
#Praise #Reinforcement #Behavior
Read the full article here.
@fruityPond7887
I enjoyed reading this article. I find it so inspiring how praise made the driver slow down and be more careful. This quote came to my mind when reading it: "If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain how he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.". ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
Do you feel as though praise works better in terms of reinforcement rather than reprimands? Do you think that you could be kinder to yourself in terms of giving yourself more praise?
@globalBraid3744 Thank you for your thoughts! I definitely agree about reinforcement being better because at least with reinforcement, we are teaching the other person how to better themselves and improve for next time. Reprimands are just negative and don't teach anything. I also understand being too hard on yourself. It's so hard to be kind to ourselves and I know how it feels to never feel successful.
@fruityPond7887
I totally agree with the article, many people are more wanting to hear of good things about themselves and what they do and this can really be used to have a thoughtful and meaningful conversations with someone even when you might have something more serious to talk about! This just brings more importance to the skill of being able to reframe things and phrases to be able to convey almost anything.
@sunnyWriting4806 Exactly! Conversing with someone is a skill that has to be learned and refined as we get older! I'm only starting to be able to write emails that are well-written and it's tough! 😅
@fruityPond7887 I think praise would work better for reinforcement because I feel like praise would have a more positive impact on self-esteem whereas reprimanding will usually have a negative impact.
@comfortableNight4463 Right exactly! I work as a behavior technician with children with autism and reinforcement is so important when trying to shape behaviors. You want to let them know what to expect when they aren't engaging in the right behavior, but you have to be very strategic about it!