Thrive Global: When Things Don’t Work Out The Way You Planned, Here’s 3 Ways To Deal With Your Emotions

We are emotional beings, and how we experience the world can change in an instant depending on what mood we’re in.

Being able to express, but also manage our emotions so they don’t ruin our day or even our life is a fine balancing act.

If life isn’t going the way you wanted, whether it’s the little things or the big life changing stuff that seems to be totally outside of your control, here’s what’s going on, and some ways you can deal with it better.

It’s said that most human suffering comes from reality not matching up to what we wanted it to be in our heads.

We have the amazing gift of imagination, which allows us to visualise, dream and plan our way through life.

Except this fantasy version of what’s to come and how your life is going to go is rarely achieved, since other people, the weather, traffic and circumstances in general seem to sabotage your “special moments” or derail your carefully laid plans.

Why me? You cry. Don’t I deserve this one nice thing? Why does it always go wrong for me?

You feel disappointed. Sad. Angry. Like the world is against you.

That life just, well, isn’t fair.

It’s definitely OK to have a dream, a plan, an idea of who you’d like to be and what you’d like to do. It’s just we have a tendency to try to control the outcome so it matches our expectations. And really there is no control. We can only be in control of 3 things. Our thoughts, feelings and actions.

What comes up for you?

When things don’t go the way you planned, what’s your reaction? How long does it bother you for? What do you decide about yourself and the world you live in?

Next time you find yourself getting upset or angry because something you expected or planned in your head didn’t match up just notice what’s going on for you, try these three things:

Reframe with gratitude and lessons

In the moment if you can reframe your experience and be grateful for what is then that’s a good place to start.

Ask yourself some simple questions:

What did you learn from it? What unexpected change did this bring with it? What do you now know about yourself that will help you do better next time? What are you thankful for?

Check in with your feelings

If you feel like your reaction is appropriate to what’s happened, that’s great. Some things are hard or sad and that’s OK.

But if you feel you are overly attached to something. If your self-worth depends on it. If your expectations of someone else is so high you feel devasted when they don’t react in the way you wanted or you feel compelled to people please your way to a better outcome, then check in with yourself.

Repressed emotions that have never been allowed to be felt.

Let it out.

Because you’ll never find the happiness you’re looking for if you have an unresolved past to make peace with.

Always Measure Backwards

It’s great to have a clear vision of what you want to do or where you want to be but it’s also important to have flexibility if things change. Life may throw you a curveball, or progress may be slower than you wanted.

If you’re always measuring yourself against an ideal in the future, you’ll never see the progress you’ve made. And you’ll always be disappointed with the outcome.

To measure backwards, Ben and Dan advise you look at where you started, say a year ago, and look at where you are now. The gain.

What have you achieved or learned? How have you changed as a person? What do you believe today that you didn’t a year ago?

So try these 3 ways to better manage your expectations and your emotions and see how this impacts on your sense of happiness.

And if you’re going through something hard in your life, this quote can help you reframe things in a more hopeful way:

“Sometimes, things don’t work out. Not because you don’t deserve it, but because you deserve so much more” -Unknown.

Read the full article here!

#Control #Gratitude #Expectations #EmotionalRegulation