Why You Need to Be Happy Alone to Be Close to Another Person
Mental health requires that individuals are comfortable with themselves and generally find themselves to be good company. They seek out the company of others as a way of being close to another as an extension of the closeness, or intimacy they have with themselves.
Individuals with symptoms of personality disorders frequently report that they hate being alone. Some equate being alone with rejection or abandonment by others. They feel isolated and empty when alone.
Seeking out relationships for the purpose of avoiding being alone is an act of desperation. The focus is on getting others to keep you company at any cost. Some people use sex to keep others around. Others use money. Some bully others into being with them with threats or intimidation. None of these methods will produce intimacy.
These are relationships that are based on barter: companionship is offered in exchange for validation or dependency or convenience. This is a business transaction, not a passionate act of intimacy.
Finding comfort and enjoyment in being by oneself comes naturally to healthy individuals. For those where it does not come naturally, healing and growth are required.
This requires a vigorous and honest inventory of the self and a systematic acceptance of all aspects of the self that cannot be changed, while changing those that increase self-desire. This process can be difficult and sometimes painful. Engagement with a competent psychotherapist will be very helpful.
Successful accomplishment of this goal will leave you prepared to experience passionate intimacy with others while feeling satisfied and secure when you don’t.
Source; https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/my-side-the-couch/202203/why-you-need-be-happy-alone-be-close-another-person
Reflection;
Being comfortable in being alone is very important to maintain a healthy relationship where you are not overly dependent on the other person.
Would you say you would be okay with being alone?
#Loneliness #Relationships #MentalHealth
@comfortableNight4463 I would say that I am not someone who is happy being alone. I do agree that it's important to be okay being alone because it allows for self-reflection and better understanding of yourself, but I always panic when I know I'm going to be alone. First, I always have a fear of missing out on fun things. But more so, I panic because I know I'm going to be alone with my anxiety. I distract myself as a coping mechanism but if I am alone, I know I can go down the rabbit hole.
@fruityPond7887 I agree. I used to be this way too. I'm actively working towards being happy by myself by doing things and going places alone.
@comfortableNight4463 I wish I had the confidence to go places alone! Sometimes I'll get some food by myself, but that's about it 😅
@fruityPond7887
I can relate! I think it requires active effort and slowly increasing the intensity. I did not use to like going somewhere alone, but once I do; I am really satisfied. When you go with someone else you often need to do compromises. What I love about traveling alone is that I can choose what I want to see at any time I want. However, sometimes I feel anxious about getting lost and relying only on myself. Therefore, I think that in these cases building confidence in own skills can help to be more comfortable only by yourself. Additionally, I don´t like to take walks alone but I found out that when I take my camera it is very enjoyable and I don´t miss the company.
@globalBraid3744 Exactly! It definitely takes some time and energy to get yourself to that place where you are comfortable going anywhere with confidence, but I always think about safety too! Thank you for your encouragement!
@fruityPond7887 That's amazing too! You definitely can. Give yourself some time to build up the confidence.
@comfortableNight4463 Thank you! <3
No, I hate being alone , but I had a cat for 17 years she helped me from being lonely but then she got sick and I took her to vet hospital and left her over night ... I wished I took her home because she died ...and I don't get to see her anymore...except all the pictures I have on my phone and pictures in my room ...I feel so lost without her....
Now I feel lost and lonely, I wish I had a friend to share my feelings with...
But I am lost either my best friend for ever ....
@motionalcoaster2
I am sorry you have to go through all this pain losing both your best friend and a cat companion. I think that nothing could have prevented what happened to your cat so please do not blame yourself. Two of my friends recently lost their dog that I had also known since I was a child and it hit me hard as well. It is beautiful that you keep her pictures and honor the memories. My friends did not want to even hear about getting another pet because they were grieving and they felt like it would be replacing their dog. However, this is not accurate, nothing can really replace the pet but it can sometimes make the pain more bearable. Now they got another dog and I can see that they feel better, even though it still hurts.
It is tough to have no one to share your feelings and pain with. I hope that talking about everything with a listener here can make you feel heard and less alone, at least a little.
@motionalcoaster2 I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand how difficult it must be to lose someone who's been there with you for a long time. I hope you have a good support network to help you. (Family?)
Why was I tagged on this post? It was about my cat who died she was 17 years old
@motionalcoaster2 Hi Coaster! I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty 😞 I know losing a pet is one of the worst pains you can experience and I've been in the same boat. I promise that while you will always miss her, you will heal and time will lessen the ache you are feeling. We are here for you ❤️
In regards to you being tagged - whenever someone replies to a comment of yours, it automatically tags you so that you see the reply :)
