Worries Teens Have About Themselves

"Adolescence is a time when teenagers become more self-aware, as their brain becomes more developed and they deal with new and intensified feelings associated with hormonal changes that take place during puberty (Arain, 2013).

Given their newfound awareness, teenagers work at understanding who they are and what they believe in. Because of their limited experience, they often make the mistake of assuming that their characteristics during early adolescence represent permanent traits.

This post discusses common worries that teens have about themselves, which can be addressed in large part through recognition that they are only in the midst of their rapid developmental process. My next post will discuss common worries that parents have about their teens, which can be addressed similarly.

How do I figure out who I am?

Since teens often do not yet have a good sense of who they are, they look to others for help in defining themselves. Typically, teens discount their parents’ assessments because they think their parents want them to feel good about themselves and/or to fulfill the parents’ own hope and dreams for them.

Therefore, teens think their parents may not be truthful. Instead, they rely frequently on their peers’ evaluations. Unfortunately, their peers may also suffer from a limited perspective.

I explain to teens that the process of developing better self-understanding should be a lifelong endeavor. In the case of teens who are undergoing rapid growth, their character will naturally change a great deal by the time they become young adults. Further, character also changes as a result of how people react to various life circumstances.

Therefore, I counsel teens to be patient with themselves as they mature, and suggest that their sexuality may become better defined when they are older. Further, I tell them that no matter how they ultimately express themselves sexually, they can be emotionally happy and secure.

Is something wrong with me?

Some of the teens who seek counseling from me for their anxiety have a similar profile. They tend to be gifted intellectually, sensitive, mature, and have different interests than most of their peers. They often find it easier to relate to adults than to their peers, or to lead activities with younger children with whom they do not expect to share interests. As a result, they feel different and conclude that something must be wrong with them, which contributes to exacerbating their anxiety.

I reassure teens who feel different that their differences represent a major strength because they can contribute independent and important ideas and actions to our society. I explain that a big reason that I want to help them is that I recognize their potential for making a major difference in the world. I suggest that in time they also will learn to appreciate themselves.

Do I need to excel in order to succeed in life?

Some teens work very hard to excel in all arenas of their life (e.g., academically, athletically, and socially) because they believe this is essential in order to become successful in life. Other teens give up on themselves and become depressed and disengaged with life because they feel that they can never measure up to their more successful peers.

I suggest that a key to a rewarding life journey is the ability to persevere when faced with challenging situations. This is more important than academic or athletic achievements, for example, because even the smartest or most talented people will not get very far in life if they do not work hard. Also, I explain that there are many paths in life that can lead to success. Excelling in many arenas is only one such path.

Takeaway

Teens should be coached to remain patient and calm with themselves as they mature. They should be reassured that there are many paths to success in life.

*This one's for my teens on Cups! Being a teenager is hard. I'm not too far out from my teen years and I remember it being very difficult socially, academically, and just living everyday. My teen years are when my anxiety hit the hardest, but I became a stronger person because of this. I want you all the know that you won't be a teenager forever and your brains are still developing. These emotions will subside and you will become more confident in yourselves. Be patient and kind to yourselves as you figure out life. Surround yourself with loved ones and know that nothing is permanent. You will be okay! Please share any advice, tips, or encouragement for our teens below!!*

#Teenagers #TeenYears #GrowingUp

Please find the full article at Psychology Today.