YourTango: 4 Communication Barriers That Destroy Even The Best Relationships
You might be using (either conscious or unconsciously) dysfunctional and bad communication habits and you may need some guidance and tools to get you to be a more loving, understanding, and productive communicator. Recognizing these communication barriers can help you achieve that.
1. You burst into anger
We all experience anger. But, it’s what we do with the anger that makes it a barrier to healthy communication. When we’re trying to communicate, it’s typically to resolve an issue. Let me ask you. When was the last time someone yelled at you and you came away feeling loved, motivated, and wanting to change? You probably don't.
Remember that your goal is to understand and then to be understood. Hopefully, with that, a change will come about.
2. You treat your partner with contempt.
In whatever form (hostile humor, body language such as eye-rolling, sarcasm), contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with them. Contempt is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about the partner. Inevitably, contempt leads to more conflict rather than reconciliation.
3. You avoid your partner.
While avoidance is not listed as an emotion, it’s still fear-based and, therefore, is driven by emotion. Is the fear real or imagined? The answer is perhaps both.
The imagined fear of the outcome if you speak up or tackle something can be based on our family history. Perhaps you had a raging family, perhaps you witnessed your mother being verbally abused if she spoke up so you learned at an early age it’s not safe. Perhaps you don’t feel worthy or that it’s not your place. You do have feelings and you do have a right to have a voice. It’s not easy to exercise that muscle, but it is one that needs to be developed. If your fear is real because it’s not a safe place to speak your mind, please seek help from a professional.
4. You play the blame game.
This stance keeps us stuck. Yes, that’s right stuck — it prevents us from taking our own inventory and focuses the sole problem on someone else. You might say things like, "We wouldn't be arguing if you didn't _________ (fill in the blank)."
For example, you’re constantly late, yet you tell your partner they are too demanding of your time. Instead, acknowledge it by saying, "You know, you’re right, I am always late. I think I need to reevaluate my schedule. I’m sorry I was late again." Can you see how much softer and more meaningful it is?
To improve your communication, here's a challenge for you: First, identify where your edge(s) might be. If you can't find one, I can tell you that's the one you need to work on.
We all have something we bring to our relationships, so look a little deeper. Once you have it, commit to trying something different for one week. If you have the need to be right, step back and perhaps offer, "You know, I'm not sure about that" or "You might be right." If you are an avoider, dip your toe in to ask for time to discuss something that's on your mind. If you are quick to blow, take a breath. And then maybe another breath. Wait until the moment(s) pass before you respond in aggressive anger.“
Read the complete article here.
#Relationships #Conflict #Communication
💬 Think about where you might sit on the communication spectrum of healthy versus unhealthy. What are the areas you would like to improve?
@globalBraid3744
All these aforementioned ways of communication is all catalysts and signs of a relationship going south. It's definitely important to recognize these before they become worse and reflect the reasoning behind that way of communication.
@sunnyWriting4806
I agree with you! If we can recognize them early on we can still improve the relationship and learn how to communicate in a better way. I think that reflecting on the reasoning behind that way of communication might uncover some unmet needs etc.
@globalBraid3744 My partner and I definitely avoid each other during arguments, sometimes for days. It's not good and I think we're both stubborn and will wait for the other one to text back first. I always cave, maybe good or not I don't know, but I hate the fighting. I think forgiveness is more important than being right and good communication is essential for having a healthy relationship.
@fruityPond7887
I can relate to avoiding each other after the argument. I think it is natural that the person then needs some space. In my relationship, often taking time not seeing each other helped more than arguing back and discussing the issue constantly. I also think that forgiveness is more important and I like to look at the problem as something that is against both of us - me and my partner rather than putting it between us and arguing about who is right.
@globalBraid3744 Right! I try to do the exact same thing! Forgiveness is more important than being right, but it's hard in the moment 100%! Space is also really important too in letting the problem settle and not beating a dead horse over and over. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
@fruityPond7887
There is one quote that I like a lot. It says: "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves a thousand moments of regret."