Empathy Discussion for Be an Angel Day (8/22/15)

Empathy

Hosted by @Anushka1

Outlined by @mscoxie

Question 1: What, according to you, is empathy?

Responses:

Empathy is feeling for others. Compassion that surpasses the self. To love your fellow man, and love your fellow man as you'd love yourself, if not more so in some cases

I see empathy as the ability to understand or feel what another feels. Like walking in their shoes.

The ability to put yourself in another person's emotional shoes in order to feel what they feel and try to help them the best you can

Empathy is putting yourself in other's shoes, maybe it might require some cobbler work at times

It's understanding and sharing feeling of others

Indeed, or at least the ability to care for others even if you can't understand or relate. In a way it's unselfish love

Empathy does not come easily or naturally to some.

Yeah i know this is what i'm missing, i am aware of people's feelings but it's difficult to connect to them

Empathy is often described as "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.".

Empathy means = the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

in simple terms empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

it's not just the power to understand its the power to care for and love.

Question 2: How important is empathy to you?

Responses:

VERY

It defines me

Very important !!!

Extremely. In every possible situation

I don't think it is crucial since we all have different experiences, but typically we can find at least a small part of someone's experience that we can relate to.

Very important in all situations

It's of the utmost importance because my existence, my purpose, is to live not for myself, but for others. Has been since I was young. I've always been an extremely strong empath

Question 3: How has empathy had an impact on you?

Responses:

Empathy is what brought you and me here.

It has defined me since I was young. I remember being young. 4...5? sitting in my room, crying. Crying because i knew people suffered. that there were others who need food, need love, need a friend, need family.

And part of being an active listener is helping to calm

No matter what we say we still care about others

Empathy is very Important to me.

It's made me be very sacrificial, and give away what I have, so others could have, often to my own detriment so that i could suffer, and they could prosper

I'm not particularly concerned with other people so it's always confusing when they feel for me. It's something that's quite hard for me to grasp

I think that sometimes the way in which one manages their level of empathy can make things a little difficult for them potentially. I think that having a lot of empathy can sometimes result in pain if having, for example, a lack of self-care or of boundaries.

The reason i find it very important. Is cause I would feel highly alone without it it makes you feel not alone and that people understand.

The very essence of it rests within me, I feel. It's inexplicably profound

I came here because some personal reasons, and a kind listener helped me with my problem, that person's empathy made me feel good and lead me to becoming a listener myself

I think i care too much about others. I sense their feelings and I am afraid of hurting or offend anyone. at least in real life. On 7cups i just have a big mouth.

I know I would the problem is if you had no one to relate to it would be very lonely the problem is most of the time I can't find anyone who understand being highly caring like myself you need it

Empathy can make us feel emotionally connected to the other person, without that we might feel alone

i go to great lengths to be there for others, and to make sure they are happy, often sacrificing my own happiness in the process. Wish i could just be a ***

I care about everyone and want to do what I can to help them.

Question 4: What are some ways we can we show empathy to another person, such as a friend or relative?

Responses:

Depends on how you define it. I care in ways that are not always obvious and straightforward and that fills my need for "internal empathy". That's why I tend to react badly to that sort of "external empathy". Sometimes we don't actually need to show it when it's not specifically requested. Or maybe I'm wrong.

showing the love, the concern. To show empathy simply be an empath, it takes no real work to the natural empath, it comes out.

some people lack empathy entirely, in my eyes those are psychopaths though.

Some people just don't empathize while others do!

I often show empathy by rephrasing what they told me so that they understand that I understand if that makes sense

Connect with the feeling, you show connection. if someone is sad about a breakup for example. Call them up. Say you just wanted to see how they are doing, that you understand what it's like. they open up, you expand on their openings.

I will have to say empathy between anyone should be highly important because it means that both people matter if you didn't have it then you're talking to a wall. No one likes talking to a robot.

Empathy is understanding and reflecting

show empathy by not saying that there are other people who have it worse

I think the ability to understand should be involved in every aspect of your life not just on the net but between family, friends, lovers, and even strangers.

There are statements that show the opposite of empathy

Question 5: How else do you think it's possible to show on an online chat, without sounding ingenuous?

Responses:

Consistency

Sharing something about ourselves if we can relate

To consistently be there

It is always hard to me explain what ı think and feel but ı think empathy show itself while caring about someone

Ask questions, engage in the conversation

I can be cordial with all, but I give my all for people I feel need it.

Regardless of how hard or time consuming. We all wear masks, people put on a show. If you come across with the same compassion time and time again, it seems less like an act, and people are more open to the idea that your empathy is real

I feel sometimes I am too caring in fact people have told me my whole life that I am too caring and that it's a down fall to be too empathic with people.

There are some conditions and such in which make it hard for them to be able to empathize. They are still human.

Question 6: When listening to someone who has been through something youve been through personally, how can that affect your empathy? Does it affect your empathy?

Responses:

It's something that i think that impacts it a lot cause the problem is when i go through something someone else has I don't just see them go through it i see myself go through it with that person and it sometimes makes you very emotional and makes you more tunative to it.

I think that listening to something similar to what we have gone through can either make our empathy stronger or it can make us more disengaged.

In response to this current question, I think listening to someone who has been through the same things as myself probably makes it harder to empathize because it can also cause a kind of 'We've been through the same thing' in a sense that one can begin to forget that they are another person with separate lives and experiences, no matter how similar I feel it may be. If that makes sense?

I think it depends on how we are doing with that happened. If we have made peace with it or are not triggered, we can likely empathize. But if we are triggered, we likely disengage to protect ourselves.

I send cards or call or visit others in hospital or send something that lets them know I'm thinking of them.

It can increase the help you can give. Because now not only are you feeling for them, but that concern and emotional connection can be supplemented with your experienced advice, given you've been there before

i'm not sure if this is connected to the question but when someone says they understand they been through the same thing, i always think, thats impossible, why don't you ask more questions to see if it's really the same. no two situations are the same

Most of the time it's the littlest things that make the biggest impact on people.

I think it depends on how we are doing with that happened. If we have made peace with it or are not triggered, we can likely empathize. But if we are triggered, we likely disengage to protect ourselves.

Indeed. however you may have walked down the same road, even if its opposite sides of the sidewalk

When we think we've been through that, we kind of start ignoring the tiny details!

agreed it's important to remember no two situations are twins

especially considering people handle situations even if they are the same, they handle it differently

meaning i feel more connected to someone who asks me a question than one who says, i understand you. I usually dislike when people say: "I've been through that". It seems as if it's deprecating my situation

youre right no two situations are the same cause you're dealing with two different people but the thing is about that is that doesn't mean that someone can't understand from their situation. and to be honest the situations can be very different if i was facing something I would rather have someone be there trying to understand then be ignored. The thing about empathic people is that they can relate and love you more for it and be there for you. I do see your point but at the same time sometimes you need to say to yourself is at least you're not facing it alone.

Question 7: Is there any topic that you feel you can't empathize with?

Responses:

I struggle with empathy for people who have engaged in crimes against children (even in the past)

Completely understandable. I'd struggle with the urge to actively harm them

yes, sometimes it is difficult to be forgiving

I do not know of a topic I find hard to empathize with.

I think I find it hard to empathise with death because I've personally numbed myself towards it, having faced it so much in my life.

I think because I have such anger against people who exploit the vulnerability of children....I can't be objective.

Parenting and school problems for me Additionally

Don't think I'd be able to empathize with that either.

Its trigger for me I think

While it doesn't trigger me per se, it's probably the closest I come to being triggered.

The worst feeling on the planet is when you get no one who can understand you because you feel like a alien and don't feel human. Also the thing people need to know is even if you have this site you still have people who care about you and youre not alone in the matters you're facing.

Question 8: What happens to your empathy when someone talks about the same problems again and again?

Responses:

I start to feel burned out, to be honest. I try not to but.....

I think it can be tiring for both parties to talk about the same things over and over again.

thats hard because sometimes it takes a long time to process things

Oh honestly I think it shatters the empathic-ness of it cause sometimes when people keep bringing it up the problem is that it brings that person able to empath with it brings them through it as well and it's like a rubber band in the cold you start snapping in ways and the problem is just like Love can turn to hate very fast so can empathic-ness. It can very easily twist. I honestly believe that when someone does that it's toxic because reliving the situation over and over can do damage to both parties. It's where it becomes toxic and it destroys everything you have for that person. Including respect.

especially if its a trauma then it can take a very long time to process

one of the reasons I don't take ongoing chats is because I struggle with being objective with those things.

The lack of empathy is why we have tragedy

Sometimes it is definitely hard to go on with a chat for a long time, discussing the same things!

I think the important thing is that if it's that if it's a really huge serious issue to find more than one person who can understand the situation cause the more you have to talk about it the more you won't burn out the people who you have already told but I do think that sometimes you just need to say it over and over to have yourself feel better

Question 9: What can you do in order to avoid losing empathy towards someone?

Responses:

I don't think you can do anything about losing empathy. If it's lost, it's lost.

To avoid losing empathy, I think make sure we are honest with ourselves and others and self-care

Not losing it for yourself. The better you take care of and generally care for the self, the more and much more easily you can care for others

Would it not be possible to build up on empathy as we perhaps can in order to gain it generally speaking?

I think we can improve empathy. I don't think that once it's lost it's gone

to be honest the only way you can avoid losing empathy to someone. It comes down to a simple thing respecting yourself and them and having them do the same. I think honestly the more open you are the more you close that gap. Losing someone means a gap happens somewhere and fixing those gaps fastly is what makes you never lose them. also saying thank you to the person who's there for you.

at the very least it can strengthen it i feel

Also, chatting with someone objective can help us take a new perspective. That can improve empathy also.

I don't think we lose empathy or gain

Communication and respect for yourself and the other person pretty much is what i mean.

reminding yourself that recovery is a process and there isn't a time limit on it

Sometimes experiences where we may find empathy challenging can broaden our empathy through learning and awareness, I think.

Question 10: Do you think some of us are a bit more empathetic than others? Why do you think that is?

Responses:

I think It is all about what we are at the moment ? What we feel is the key here

Predisposition

Because we can't be the same person all the time

*predisposition, morality. Your "nature" How you nurture certain characteristics such as empathy

There may be something that we are not able to objectively see. For example, if I'm talking to someone who is having difficulty not hitting their spouse, i might not feel much empathy for them. Then, perhaps I talk to a mentor and they ask, is it possible they were hit as a child? Is it possible they have something else going on and it's not really about their spouse. While I won't agree with their actions, i may be able to better empathize and find a common ground (i.e., stress or PTSD) to build a connection with them.

it can be worked out and developed I feel

Yes connecting with the emotion if not the actions bred from such emotion

A third perspective is always a good idea!

As for more or less empathetic than others, I think it's possible. I also think it's more about the situation. For example, some Listeners are able to remain empathetic for ongoing long-term chats while I struggle with that area.

I understand where people may not agree with me but I am very honest. I think you can change the levels of empathy with people and different volumes of it here's why cause you are able to love everyone differently and empathy is a feeling that can be broken. As well as you have to think about it your lover will get the highest points of empathy and so will your family and friends. compared to a stranger. therefore that's why I said I disagree that you can lose or gain from it.

I also think that even life experiences can limit our empathy, our learning and all sorts of things. Sometimes I find that people will demonize others and then, when told their side of the story, their circumstance, becoming more understanding, their capability for empathy can rise.

Question 11: Do we feel different degree of empathy for different people?

Responses:

Some people with PTSD can lose empathy.

I find I just feel immensely no matter who it is...enemy, friend…

PTSD can greatly impact empathy

sometimes PTSD increases empathy

I think PTSD can do both....and it often depends on how you are doing with the trauma.

I think it's normal to have different degrees

I don't think I feel a different level of empathy for anyone. But whether I get along with them and things like that is another matter.

I think we have to feel different types of empathy, Because here's why if it was all the same for everyone there wouldn't be a such thing called friends, lovers, crushes, husbands, wives, families, pets, or anything between cause if it was the same for every person you meet everyone would be even in your eyes there wouldn't be a difference. In my eyes that would be a world that everyone would want where everyone is loved the same but the problem is that's not our world.

I don't think it does change things if I get along or not, It just is.

I think time can impact empathy also. WE might feel more empathetic after we're not as vulnerable emotionally

Sometimes I do feel surprised when others are not able to empathize, I'm not going to lie. I am very grateful for it when those times come around.

Question 12: We've talked about what to do when we're losing empathy for us and its importance. But being on the receiving side, how might we respond to a situation where we feel the other is losing empathy for us?

Responses:

Empathetic as to why such a thing might be the case

i agree with you I am used alot cause of my feelings I have been lied so much that if i got a penny every time i was lied to i would be a millionair. But the problem is with me is I am a caring person i ware my hearts on my sleeves for everyone to see i get told all the time I am a easy target but the thing i think makes me different from others is i live a world where I believe no two people are the same and I believe that if i am loving and caring to everyone and pay it forward that eventually I will get empathy and love back.

If I feel someone is losing empathy for me, I move on

Question 13: Do you think developing empathy is easy?

Responses:

It can be easy or difficult. Some people don't respond to empathy.

empathic-ness In my eyes is key to every emotion we all face without it we would be numb and robotic.

Question 12: So as members, do you ever feel that there's something the listeners could do to sound more empathetic?

Responses:

Have an opn mind.

I try to have an open mind.

I think I said it before, it's definitely easy to be more empathetic on here because the responses are well thought. It's harder in real life because all the responses have to be instant.

They could break the typicality of their responses. sometimes they sound generic

My experience is keeping lag time to a minimum when listening. That alone will show interest and empathy

Give care to show that they are truly listening to the words you say, by being more specific.

Plus people's eyes and nonverbal gestures can give a much more comprehensive truth than words typed.

I have to say, I'm a slow-responder and usually type in paragraphs. I worry about that - overwhelming members. Good feedback to hear

Not so much "that must be difficult hmm" but something like "That must be rough! I remember going through something similar blah blah

I guess as here listeners can be less self conscious!

forge a true connection. they open up more. you can listen more, and with greater validity.

i tried to have a one on one with a listener when i first started here. just less than 2 hours ago the thing I want to say about that is i think that there's a lot more they can do. One if it's been a long wait say sorry for the long wait but glad your still here, be open mindedness, stop sounding like a robot being programmed what to say. Respond more like themselves, be there be caring and be informative and if they can't help say hang on here's this person i am gonna have you go to because then we can get the help that we need. Instead of just closing chats or doing other things. Pretty much being more human pretty much showing us that we matter as well.

It can also be hard to be empathetic online because the emotions aren't well read on text!

Oh and another thing that will show more compassion is if a Listener actually told us they had to leave instead of just signing offline.

Good communication at all times.

A listener should always tell you that they have to leave, even if it's sudden. Unless it's an internet problem or something, in that case, they can tell you later?

I mean i get they are people as well they have very real lives and stuff to do but i honestly don't believe all the listeners are fully trained i think honestly they should really finish training. Before they even help one on one.

Help yourself before you can help anyone else.

and the problem is then you go into these chats like this and you see the good people. well ok then why would they not be trained

Question 13: How well do you think these member rooms help you in your empathy?

Responses:

Greatly. Empathy is connection, and it's much easier to connect in a society that, for the most part? gathers to do so

Some of the expectations could be tempered if they got rid of the two minute notice for being connected

I love seeing members supporting each other alongside listeners, it's so great to see

Well probably worst thing in world is not developing your potential , if you are helping yourself and doing best for you and satisfied with you in some ways you are helping all nature

Truth be told the problem is i think honestly that people feel more better in chat groups then one on one cause theres more people to help you i have seen so far some of the members be more responsive than listeners are.

Sometimes the members have even better responses than listeners! and that's no offence to good listeners.

Indeed which is why many members cry out for member on member chat just saying

I love entering a chat room and everyone's just being so warm and welcome and lovely. It's like a breath of fresh air.

i'm not sure, for me, i would personally like to gain more skills in presenting my issues

Question 14: Do you think some empathetic responses still make listeners sound a bit robotic? How can that be improved?

Responses:

I dont know, i just be myself

be yourself but gage boundaries

Yes! Sometimes i say, "I understand how you feel!" or something along those lines but I feel like it's really generic. Is there a way that could be avoided? also I am trying to formulate the words for an answer

Listening. Not once, but more often. The more you connect, the more you get to know. The more you get to know, the more you can engage in a friendly, specific manner because you know them more deeply. the greater you know someone the easier it is to be real, to show more of yourself and not be so....well, not be so much in a position that you can't help but answer in an impersonal manner

Well it's Yin and Yang, if I let all listeners be themselves loads of mistakes could occur but if there are rules of behavior and engagement there is a risk of sounding robotic.but

in the beginning it may seem generic cuz you have to ask a lot of questions

The best listeners don't sound like a canned response. The "and how does that make you feel " response

some people know a lot of ways to get people talking naturally, that I think takes experience

Experience can definitely help

Indeed and the more you listen the more you learn "how to talk" so to speak"

listener should just talk normally , and should talk point to point I feel here rather than being so much profession .. they can remain professional but probably one should note we are talking in texting here .. so i feel it depends on listeners

some talk here just like robot

important to remember that finding a good listener or your best one is like trying on shoes. You have to find the best fit sometimes. So don't give up after one try!

group chats are so much better than listener one one chat most of times

Plus listeners are as human as me!

Whenever I come around as a member, I personally just go to the member rooms!

But that s a point that weve to pass through as 'robots'

yes actually i feel listeners would be honest, intelligent that is other case, then i can talk to that person

I like group support environments too. So glad they added this feature

And I have found some listeners are listeners to forget their own issues and insecurities! And I applaud them for the effort

Perhaps group support is a good way to get to know listeners too, so you have some idea of what they could be like via 1-on-1s.

I think I sound the same. People even in person often say I sound very formal and need to relax, haha But I feel very relaxed

Participants: @ObligatoryDisorder, @RocketsMom, @NataliaNectarine, @sunshineNrainbows, @nimnim, @babyblue, @QuickJazz, @Viking101, @1brokenchild, @Lee1996, @LadyOfTruth, @Apricot91, @Foxizza, @organicfreak, @Samsung1984, @amiableCity3594, @NatureAndAlgorithm, @Asiam1971, @selfconfidentChestnut8327, @neatDime948, @discreetCar7503, @powerfulBeing4349, @neverendingTime86, @scarletNorth2090, @midsummernightsdream1, @RoseAngel, @courtousSpruce4380, @reservedEast8107, @ExpatGirl, @wittyKiwi6014