My 2015 New Years Resolution

My New Years Resolution was a resolution that I wanted to really work hard to achieve. It was an issue that revolved around my mother that I had from my childhood. My mother was not emotionally present enough for me, which made me have an issue growing up about seeking the mom in people around me that I never had. I wanted to feel seen, connected, and validated. For the past four years of my life, unconsciously I have been seeking in my closet friends to fill this void, because when I feel seen I get a rush of endorphines because it feels so good. Kind of like a high from a drug. However, when I get this feeling it doesn't last long and then I feel empty. My resolution was all about accepting the fact that I will never have a motherly figure again in my life, and that some people closet to me, may be there for me to make me feel seen validate and connected, but not all the time. This is hard for me because for so many years in my life I wanted to have the mom I never had to feel full internally and happy. But once I start really seeing OTHERS for who they are, and not what I want them to be then it will help me not have the motive of them being the mother I never had.