Respect In Relationships, 18/9/15- member side, discussion notes

So, for World Respect Day there was an awesome discussion on Respect In Relationships, a very important topic.

Led by @poeticguy and @OneLifeToLive and outlined by, well, me.

*I wasn't able to participate in this one, but I did read the super cool transcript*

✸ Participants ✸

@poeticguy @Sky14 @Kallie112358 @OneLifeToLive @Anushka1 @pm229 @Iamalittlerebel @alfonsojon1997 @wonderfulPumpkin71 @LoveforLife @Rosalinas @Jakkob @IheartPurrrs @Moj @Isaac_ @ItsLee @alfonsojon1997 @greedycatMD @ashtray @sunshineNrainbows @xmpxfutureATR

1. Who Was The Last Person Who Made You Smile, And Why?

we got quite a few interesting answers for this one, a very common one being "I don't know" here are a few of them:

♥ "my daughter, she made me coffee"

♥ "my best friend"

♥ "everyone here made me smile today"

♥ "my cat made me smile" (cats are adorable)

these answers show us how simple things really do hold the potential to make us all smile and I just think that's a lovely thing to bring out in a discussion ♡ whether it's a furry friend, or the friendships that you cultivate, there are so any simple things in life that have the potential to be sources of happiness!

2. How Do You Define Relationships?

again, quite a few nice answers were given for this question as well. this question was a very important one, and defining what a relationship is will really help you when you look further into the role of respect in a relationship. here are a few of the answers that came up when participants were asked to define relationships:

✏ "interactions between 2 people"

✏ "relationships are the bonds between any two people or living things"

these answers led up to the next question...

3. What Does Respect Mean To You?

"respect is given, not asked for"

generally, respect is defined as treating others well, or treating them the way you would want to be treated. one really good aspect of respect was brought out when one member talked about boundaries, and how respect means recognizing and honoring someones' boundaries. "respect is giving people the space to be themselves, and admiring that". One lovely issue was brought out about self respect when one member said "Some would say respect is treating others the way you would treat yourself. But the problem is, many people cannot respect themselves". Another popular opinion was that respect should be earned which was met with a response of people who felt that respect can be withdrawn, but should be given freely. both are some very useful inputs on respect!

4. Is Admiration Synonymous With Respect?

Most people didn't agree with this, and one very nicely gave perspective on this by saying "admiration is the direct result of respect." there were two opposing views to this, as one member pointed out that you could be infatuated with someone and still be rude to them.

5. How Do We Differentiate Between The Two?

duh, dy/dx! okay, calculus jokes aside, this question raised some very important points and interesting perspectives.You don't necessarily need to look up to a person, but that doesn't mean you stop respecting them as a human being with their own feelings and thoughts.an interesting point was made when a participant said that you can admire a persons position without respecting how they got there. It was brought up that "according to the dictionary, admiration is respect" and then it was generally agreed on that admiration and respect can go hand in hand sometimes, but not always. It was concluded, more or less, that you can respect someone without admiring them.

6. What Does It Feel Like To Be Respected?

here are some of the responses given:

♢ "empowering"

♢ "I'd say it feels lightening"

♢ "feels good, like being acknowledged"

♢ "they make me feel like I have space to be myself"

there were many responses that were along similar lines, and all of them were positive. We see the different types of positive emotions that respect can elicit and it really provided us some context when we look at the importance of respect in relationships. The idea that this was due to human nature was brought up, as we strive to feel valued and recognized. This idea as quite widely agreed on by many participants.When a follow up "so value and respect goes hand in hand?" was asked, most agreed. A lovely quote was said as well, "Respect is earned, honesty is appreciated, trust is gained & loyalty is returned" this quote was met with tons of enthusiasm.

7. The More You Respect Someone, The More You Value Them?

again there were two sides to this. many agreed with this statement, but one participant brought out a nice example "I have respect for Romeo Dallaire and I guess I value him in my community, but I respect some people I know relatively less and value them far more." You could have the greatest respect for someones' achievements, but that doesn't chalk up to this person being the most valued person in your life.

8. What Role Does Respect Play In Your Relationships With Friends And Family?

respect was identified as a building block for a solid and healthy relationship. it was generally agreed that respect plays a huge role in relationships with friends and family, as it makes people feel validated and decides the nature of relationships. The importance of balancing giving and getting respect was established as well. Though it doesn't happen all the time, mutual respect was identified as a must for any healthy relationship. Loving someone and respecting someone were identified as two different things: loving someone doesn't necessarily mean you respect them. A few people expressed the opinion that respect could even be more important than love in some cases. When there is respect, all parties in the relationship will try their best to do good for one another, which is really important for any healthy relationship. It was also established that anger does not and should not affect your respect for a certain person. One member said their respect would change based on how they're respected. It was decided that exceptions were allowed.

9. Do You Have To Like Someone In Order To Respect Them? Why Or Why Not?

It wa generally agreed that you don't have to like someone in order to respect them, much like respecting an opinion that you don't agree with. You can hate someones' personality and still respect them for their actions.

10. Does A Person Have To Earn Respect Or Do They Deserve It?

this was a defined as an extremely important question. Quite a few people said they would respect someone until given a reason not to.People said that at the start f a relationship they would give a person their respect and then the amount of respect they have for this person would go up or down depending on the actions of this person. However there were quite a few people who felt that respect should always be earned. One member added depth to the subject by saying "Respect and Relationships are inextricable, Respect only starts WITH the relationship. And through the relationship, a person earns respect.'' It was generally concluded that (in all fairness) people deserve respect as human beings, but since they can give you a reason to feel otherwise they do have to work to keep this respect and in a way they do earn it through their actions, ie. they need to work to maintain the respect.

11. Do You Show Respect To Different People In Different Ways?

Some people did express the views that there are different types of respect, and that they respect their parents differently from their friends. while may people did agree that in general they tended to show more respect to family than friends, a very important point was brought out about respect being subject to cultures and differing boundaries. one opinion was that the basis of respect is the same and the way it may be expressed could differ.

12. Does It Feel Different To Be Disrespected By A Friend Than A Stranger?

People generally agreed that where the disrespect is coming from has a huge effect on how much it hurts you, and that being disrespected by a friend is more of a personal insult. you have more expectations of warmth from a friend, and you'd be more attached to a friend as opposed to a stranger, so you expect respect from them. That being said, it was also established that respect from a stranger would feel quite nice as well, just in another way. It was brought up that strangers seem to respect each other lesser these days due to the internet. The internet is home to many wonderful places, but also gives people more access to wider opinions that are unfortunately not always respected properly.

12. How do you feel when someone who bumps into you in a hallway doesnt apologise? Does apology have a relation with respect?

many people expressed the importance of apologies. If you do respect someone, you will apologize when you feel you have wronged them. However with this specific example quite a few people said they didn't expect an apology because the person they bumped into could've been flustered and in a hurry, after all bumping into someone isn't a sign of disrespect. Many people thought that saying sorry for everything de valued the word, but not too many people agreed with this. It was generally concluded that apologising was always better.

This was a lovely discussion, and a fun transcript to read! there were several very important points raised over here, a huge thank you to everyone who participated!

✱ Listeners: if this is your first discussion, feel free to nominate yourself for the 'Aristotle' badge :)