Bad Day Makes The Urges Stay
I started a new Job a month ago and today the women training me seemed bothered by my existence. She was constantly sighing heavily towards me so that I would know she was annoyed. Im still pretty new there and I dont have a grasp on everything yet and Its not my fault but when I feel like Im the reason for someones misery I wanna SH really bad. The Urge stayed with me all day and never left. I feel so alone and dont know what to do. I was constantly looking at my arm just wishing I could cut just once no one would ever know.
@goodPlane5777
first I just wanna say that you're doing the best you can and that recovering from self harm is so difficult. like any addiction the urge will be there but you can overcome it. I know just how challenging it can be sometimes but you're strong :)
@Lavendaire Ive been through so much that Ive came out on top and all my struggles made me stronger everyday
Hi @goodPlane5777, first of all a warm welcome here! I am happy you have joined our community and I hope we will be able to support you.
I am sorry you had such a difficult day at work. It does sound as a very difficult experience being trained by that woman. You are being trained, that job is very much new, so it is totally normal to still be making mistakes or not understading everything. I think it would be quite fair to assume that she was having a bad day (or bad week, or bad month...) regardless. Her behaviour was saying something about her, and not about you... I hope you get what I mean.
I really get how you feel, this need of hurting yourself when you are actually already been hurt by someone else, as perhaps a sort of added punishment. I relate to that so much. When I read this in someone else's words, I feel a real sadness and I know that you only deserve care and nurturing. I hope my words can help you feel some compassion towards yourself. You are not alone in your journey.
@admaiorasemper its a good feeling to know the at no one is alone while they go through there struggles. I like knowing Im not alone because even when I feel like I am I realize that others are going through the same thing as I am
@goodPlane5777
You are definitely not alone, and we are many here who can relate to your feelings. Do not hesitate to reach out for support, you deserve to be listened to. I'm sending you a safe hug if that is ok for you
