Self-Harm Recovery Check-In ~ Saturday, January 1, 2022
Happy new year! Wishing everyone a year of peace and healing <3
Check-In Questions
1) How are you feeling?
2) What is going well for you?
3) What is not going well for you?
4) Do you have any New Year Resolutions? If so, what are they?
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1) how are you feeling?
so uhm i don’t know how i feel… because of an incident last night i wnat to make myself really small and just stop talking and go quiet
2)what’s going well for you?
i rewatched my favorite movie three times today (i honestly don’t even know if that’s a good thing)
3)what’s not going well for u?
well last night i talked about my SH urges to a listener on this app and they called me a “depressed psycho” and told me to “get out ffs” and that my SH isn’t valid the way i do it…
4) i don’t really have any…
I am not good at all. I have an exam in 29/1/2022 and I can't study this subject. I did a research and a presentation for that subject but the professor insulted me and made me feel that what I had submitted was useless and nothing. And for now I can't prépare for my exam and can't study because I think that I will fail in this exam.
Today I am feeling overwhelmed and ragey. I have been fighting the urge to cut all week. I did some pretty bad damage to both arms and my stomach a week ago. I spoke with my therapist today and I wrote an email to my husband (toxic marriage for the last 3.5yrs) telling him how I felt, what he was doing to me, what has put me in this dark place. I basically let him have it. His response to my three page letter was “get f-Ing help. Commit yourself”. Basically he confirmed every doubt I was having about him and his lies and showed me what I really meant to him. It was so hard not to cut after that response. But I didn’t. I have decided that this year I was no longer going to keep my mouth shut, I am no longer going to allow him to behave the way he has been towards me, and I was going to tell him to leave. He’s moving out feb 1st. I just pray I can get through this next few weeks and make it through him leaving. We have been married 12yrs this june. I’m just starting to learn how to defend myself and justify my feelings. Which is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.