Self-Harm Recovery Check-In: Tuesday, March 3rd, 2020
Happy first Tuesday of March, lovely SHR Community!
Check-in questions:
How are you feeling today?
How has this new week - and new month! - started for you? Is there anything about it you would like to share with us?
What do you need the most right now? What can you do to fully meet this need or how can you take a baby step towards it?
I am looking forward to hearing from you again, as always.
With love from France,
Valeria
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@admaiorasemper
How are you feeling today?
Feeling pretty happy today
How has this new week - and new month! - started for you? Is there anything about it you would like to share with us?
Pretty good, I baked some cookies this morning. On my way to therapy, I saw some adorable lambs 😊
At therapy, I had an evaluation on how the last 3 months have been. We all agreed that I've made some good progress. My self image has improved a little bit
What do you need the most right now? What can you do to fully meet this need or how can you take a baby step towards it?
After riding my bike for an hour and a half, I just want to rest with a cup of tea, so that's what I'm doing now
@Madaraismyspiritanimal
Dear Richard,
I am happy you are feeling happy. Cookies and lambs: what a lovely way to start a new week and a new month!
I can tell you that your progress is pretty much evident on here as well. You are so committed and I am so proud of you.
I hope you have enjoyed your much-deserved cup of tea (perhaps with a couple of biscuits too!).
Thank you once again for checking-in with us, take good care of yourself
Valeria
How are you feeling today?
I'm feeling okay, My spirit is abit low today.
How has this new week - and new month! - started for you? Is there anything about it you would like to share with us?
This month has started off good, My boyfriends birthday was on the first and now I'm spending a few days with my parents.
What do you need the most right now? What can you do to fully meet this need or how can you take a baby step towards it?
I'm working on my health and being able to get back to work. I go to the doctor tomorrow and hoping for some good news.
@Goldcherry2113
Dear Cherry,
I am glad to hear that the new month has started off good for you and that you are feeling ok today. You say your spirit is a bit low though: any idea of why?
Have you planned anything exciting to do whilst spending a few days with your parents?
You have a very important need to work on, and I find it very positive that you are focusing on it. I really wish you all the best for tomorrow
@Goldcherry2113
Just wanted to say that you are in my thoughts, good luck with your appointment and do not hesitate to update us if you feel like it 
1. I'm alright. Could be better but not awful. Near bunch of freakin sick people constantly clearing their throats every few seconds making me wanna get violent I swear. But I won't. Can't. So it's deep breathes and realizing it's just a sound that nothing can take away inner peace if I cultivate it.
2. The week has been interesting. My parents are really trying to push my buttons. Typical tantrums on their end. I was mad at first but it went away fairly fast (after venting). It took like 20 minutes when before it used to take me days to calm from anger regarding them. They're no longer a part of my life and it's starting to show even more on my end! My parents are pathetic abusive cowards, truly, but that is their problem because they won't get help. And it'll be their problem even if they do get help. You know those exorcist horror movies? That is pretty much what my life is like. "Be gone evil spirits!". So yeah. No one has the ability to rob me of my peace. My parents may try but lmao they're gonna have to just give up because I won't. Not my fault they screwed up their lives and pushed the rest of their family away and are now obsessed with controlling me. My happiness is not up for grabs, y'all and neither is yours.
3. I desperately need recovery and to get out of my parents house. The latter is more important. I went to school officials last semester about it and they were so willing to help. I may do that again.
@Lexloveslife
Dear Lex,
I have deleted your replies to this post as requested. I would like to say that I find very positive that you felt safe to vent here and I hope it has helped you feel better.
I definitely agree with you when you say that nobody can take our inner peace away from us if we remain focused and cultivate it. Your anger was valid and you finding a healthy outlet for it is a very good thing!
I hear how your parents are trying to be controlling and pushy and I am sorry this is happening to you. I am proud of you for being able to vent and again to find a healthy way to deal with your anger. And as you say, the way your parents live and the decisions they take are certainly not your fault nor responsibility.
Talking to school officials does sound as a good idea! Do you think getting out of your parents
@admaiorasemper
Thank you so much. Yes I think moving out would be a huge step. I used to want to move out so I could let my ED get worse without being seen. But now I want to move out because I think being at my parents' house and seeing how they're trying to "wear me down" just makes me ED worse. I cant decide if I want my ED to be worse or better right now.
With my depression, anxiety, trauma related to childhood moving out would help for sure. It would bring on new anxieties just because that is what big life changes can do. But I feel it would be worth it. I hold myself back though because I really don't know how to do much on my own. I don't have enough money for regular transportation to and from therapy, buying groceries, etc. And I don't trust that I won't do something to harm even if I lived with a roommate
@Lexloveslife
I agree with you Lex: big life changes can bring on new anxieties, but also new opportunities.
I really like how you seem to be aware of the challenges you would have to face if you were to move out, and of the contradictory reasons that may be behind this desire of doing so.
Are you discussing all this with your therapist?
How are you feeling today?
I'm actually doing quite well today!
How has this new week - and new month! - started for you? Is there anything about it you would like to share with us?
It started with a lot of stress, but then today I had such a productive day in the library with my friends, which was nice. I always have trouble concentrating, but today it wasn't as bad as it usually is and I got a lot of stuff done.
What do you need the most right now? What can you do to fully meet this need or how can you take a baby step towards it?
Right now, sleep? Although I don't know if that's true, I'm always tired and no amount of sleep ever fixes it. But I should probably go to bed at a reasonable time to at least avoid being completely drained tomorrow.
Dear @nomourners
Thank you for joining this check-in!
I am glad to see that you are doing quite well and that despite the month having started with lots of stress, your productive day at the library had a good effect on you. I am curious to know what you are studying, if you do not mind to share.
It must be very draining and difficult to feel constantly tired, no matter how much sleep you get… Have you shared this with your doctor? I am no expert of course, but I wonder if you may have a lack of iron for instance, or of some vitamins?
I hope you still got to bed at a reasonable time last night, and had nice dreams
Take care of yourself,
Valeria
@admaiorasemper
Hello Valeria ^^
I'm studying sociology.
I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. I have actually been planning to get my blood tested for a while now, but I haven't had the courage to make an appointment yet. I hate going to doctors, didn't have the best experiences so far.
Have a nice evening/night/day :)
@nomourners
I have always found sociology very interesting! Had a few courses at the university, very enjoyable.
I am sorry you didn
@admaiorasemper
How are you feeling today?
How has this new week - and new month! - started for you? Is there anything about it you would like to share with us?
What do you need the most right now? What can you do to fully meet this need or how can you take a baby step towards it?
I am feeling ok. This week started off fine. I need to know that I will be ok and what I am doing is enough. I don't know how to get there...
@PurpleSnail
Dear Lumachina
It is really nice to hear that you are feeling ok and that the week has started off fine for you.
I do believe you are going to be ok. You are doing the best that you can. Keep trying and checking-in with yourself and listening to yourself with compassion, you will get there. Be gentle with yourself and offer yourself the support you also offer to others, even in this community for instance It doesn't go unnoticed.
If you ever need a listening ear, I am here (the rhyme is an accident!)
Thank you for joining us in this check-in and take good care of yourself,
Valeria
@admaiorasemper
How do I feel? Not well at all - really really sad actually.
How has this new week/month started? Unexpectedly badly. It's sort of my own fault but I didn't mean for it to be like this. I guess I shared in another thread and in a chat.
What do I need most? To learn how to be a good friend. I made a list but maybe it's too late. Or maybe I need my meds adjusted or maybe both.
@twm
Dear Twm,
I am sorry to hear you are feeling so sad and that this week and month have started so badly for you. I do not remember reading from you before, but I do sometimes have memory issues and if this is the case I truly apologise. If you would like to share what happened, I
@admaiorasemper
The list is somewhere on the BPD forum. It's probably relevant in general, not just for BPD stuff. It doesn't really matter though - that was two days ago.
@twm
I found your list on the BPD forum! I suffer from BPD and I think you have very good points there...
If your friend doesn't want to be friend with you anymore, please remember that it is a core trait of BPD to push away people we care about. We do not this to hurt them, but out of fear and pain.
I hope you are doing ok.
@admaiorasemper
Yeah - I think that's probably what's happening. I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand as much about BPD as she should, she resents how the label affects how people treat her and she thinks that she can solve her problems just by will power which she doesn't have. But I guess I just have to wait and see - I don't think I should reach out anymore for a while at least. But maybe in a month or two? Idk...
@twm
I get her resentment, oftentimes people forget that we are much more than a label...
Whatever you decide to do, I hope you will stay connected to your own feelings and needs and take care of yourself first
@admaiorasemper
so i havent been very active here...so here i go!
How are you feeling today?
not that great if I am being honest...
How has this new week - and new month! - started for you? Is there anything about it you would like to share with us?
i thought it would be okay...? But it isnt all that great. umm a few weeks ago i opened up to a kid on my hockey team about a lot of things and that was pretty decent, but we don't talk much anymore...
What do you need the most right now? What can you do to fully meet this need or how can you take a baby step towards it?
i need people, i feel so lonely and abandoned by everyone. i don't get messages, i dont talk to anyone and i feel lost again. i am not sure what to do though...
@hockey8628
Dear Hockey,
I am sorry to hear you are not feeling that great and that the month also hasn
@admaiorasemper
This week has been pretty hard. My anxiety got so bad this week that I almost relapsed, but I didnt, which Im proud of. School has just been really stressful, because Im in my senior year and I have to make all these decisions about my future all of a sudden, which is just really scary.
I had my second appointment with my psychologist today, which made me feel a little more confident with my growth path and all that. As much as I cant take the whole psychology thing seriously, its actually starting to help already, so thats good news.
So basically even though its been a shitty week, I think Im on my way up, and Im starting to recover.
Dear @DiggingDeep,
I am very sorry to hear that your week has been so hard and stressful for you. I do understand how this, together with the anxiety you were feeling, triggered your urges to SH and I am so proud of you for finding a way to resist them.
I am very happy that your second appointment with your psychologist went well and made you feel more confident. I find it very inspiring that despite the doubts you have in regard to therapy, you are still giving it a chance. I do believe you are on you way up to recovery!
Thank you for sharing all this with us today, it was nice to read from you. Take good care of yourself,
Valeria
