Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check In: Friday February 08th, 2019
Heya lovelies! I know its a bit early for some, but I have to get to work so I figured I might as well post early :p In case its just the start of the day for you too, dont hesitate to come back later, or to post two times ❤️
(No message in this picture but I found it pretty relaxing, I hope you feel the same about it!)
💙 How are you feeling? 💙
💙 Do you have any plan for the weekend? (something special or just things to relax) 💙
💙 Whats your favourite song or song of the moment? 💙 I find that they can really either reflect how you feel or make you feel better.
Looking forward hearing from you all! Don't hesitate to share what's on your mind even if it doesn't match with the questions, they're just here to help!
Take good care of yourselves and have a lovely day ❤️
Taglist
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@LinearWaves
It was Friday 8th here, nearly 6pm in the evening when you posted, so its perfectly fine for a checkin then 😂 Im doing alright- got drenched from a sudden downpour of rain though. Even an umbrella and jacket were absolutely useless!!!
How are you? Glad to see you around! ❤️
@rebecca947
Wow, that means like, 10 hours difference with here :o I know physics and all, time zones stuff, but it still always amazes me! Anyway, I hope you could get home quickly to change into dry clothes! I find these rain downpours really cool though, but from the inside, under a blankie and with a nice tv show haha!
Im okay thanks, just finished my first week of work 💪
Glad to have you check in, have a good weekend ❤️
Hey there @LinearWaves !! How's it going?
I'm tired but pretty good. I got a 77 on my last assignment which is a big improvement since I've haven't been doing so well in my class.
My weekend will be mostly work, so not much fun there.
My favourite song right now would be "Mission Bells" by Armistice. Usualy I listen to hard rock or heavy metal but it's nice to listen to something softer for a change.
Anyways, that's enough of me for now. Take care!!
@CentreMid Congratulations on your good grade! What class are you taking? I'm in online classes working on an associate's degree in business and I know that when I get a good grade in a class I'm struggling in I feel really proud of myself. I hope you feel proud too!
@Sunshine919
Thanks so much!! Im doing a music degree and my Theory class is my struggle class this year :/ but Ill get through it :)
@CentreMid
@CentreMid
Hey @CentreMid ! Glad to hear from you! I
@LinearWaves
Most of the bands I listen to are Swedish and are kinda obscure, like Amaranthe, Nocean, and Dynazty :D
@CentreMid
I'll check them out next time I feel in the mood for something less soft, thanks! :)
I'm having a difficult day today. I got really close to hurting myself last night. It's been years, but I still struggle with the temptation. I had a fight with my significant other that led to me in hysterics as I was going to bed. I didn't do it. But it's the closest I've gotten in a long time. It was a wake up call for me that I really need to work on self care this weekend. I cancelled my plans to go out tonight and I'm going to work on focusing on myself this evening. I have a hot shower, music, warm cozy pj's and a book on the agenda.
I'm new to this site so I apologize if this isn't the right place to post this or if it is inappropriate or oversharing. If that's the case I'm happy to delete it if someone would let me know.
Heya and welcome @Sunshine919
I
@LinearWaves Thank you for your kind words! I've never been able to talk to anyone freely about my struggles with this dark part of my life so I appreciate your acceptance. My day did get better, I was sure to engage in some serious self care and I'm in a much better place. I hope you have a great weekend!
@Sunshine919
I
💙 How are you feeling? 💙
I'm feeling really good! I have taken a long walk of 8,5 kilometers today and ridden my bike for 19 kilometers, so I'm very happy. I feel really good about myself today. Everything feels great, and I have talked a lot of things over with my mentor, so I'm really good. I have let out all my concerns about meeting up with my RPG group, and it felt really good to just tell someone about them.
💙 Do you have any plan for the weekend? (something special or just things to relax) 💙
Not much. Gonna work out and watch some television I guess. Not much else. Maybe go to the cinema, there is a movie I really wanna watch.
💙 Whats your favourite song or song of the moment? 💙
Funny you should ask. I have really grown to love 'Ready as I'll ever be', but not the Tangled version, the eightsun version! :D
@EvilRegalsReadToo
Heya ! Im really glad to hear youre feeling really good! It seems nice that you took this long walk and rode your bike, is it something that you do often, along with working out?
Its really good indeed that you could talk over a lot of things with your mentor and also let out your concerns, I find it so good when conversation is possible and productive like that!
This all sounds like a nice cosy weekend in perspective! Whats the name of the movie if you dont mind me asking? :)
Ooh I listened to the song as I was replying, and I really like this version, thanks for sharing!
Take care and have a good weekend ❤️
@LinearWaves I work out daily, yes. As often as possible, bc that helps me feel good. It's also my way to not self-harm if I feel like hell, I work out instead.
It was good to talk about yeah :)
It's How to train your dragon 3 :D
@EvilRegalsReadToo
I find working out is a really good way to fight the urges as well, I'm glad to see it's helpful for you!
Oh cool! I didn't know it was out yet! Hope you have a good time watching it :)
TRIGGER WARNING
Hiya just want to get this off my chest so trigger warning for self harm obv but also kind of addiction/familly problems/lonlieness?? (Also pls ignore any spelling mistakes i am truly crap at spelling lol)
i used to cut my wirsts from age 14-16 ish but i told myparents and got some free counselling for about a year and stopped. So i was clean for like 1 + 1/2 years but then i relapsed back to cutting my wrists/thighs on boxing day 2018. It started off with a few little cuts but now has progressed over the last month or so and i am cutting nearly everyday a heck of a lot and I am covered with scars. Part of me wants to stop becuse i know its not "healthy" to cut but it feels so good ya know? And i sound like a proper crazy person but im not, it takes everything away. Its like the world revolves around me and cutting.I feel like an addict, i cut to stop the urges i get. If i dont cut i go all panicky and shakey, i cant sleep and im restless. It calms me down. I like how it makes me feel tbh.
But i know that i shouldnt do it. ive also come to realise that i think it is partly to distract me from the hurt im feeling that occured when i told my parents about my self harm in order to get help. (this is a long story so buckle up)
I told my school about my self harm when i was 15. They called my parents and told them, they took me to the doctors and the doctor referred me for free counselling with a UK charity for young people called CAMHS. They offered me a group counselling session about self confidence. I took it and went for 3 weeks, decided that it wasnt the help i needed ( i wasnt struggling with confidence, i was struggling to cope with the bereavement of several close familly members deaths) and they bascially told me tough luck and they didnt offer any other help to me. I saw the school counserlor for a year 1 to 1 and this helped somewhat. After this, i stopped cutting for nearly 2 years. Shortly after my parents found out about my self harm, my mum was diagnosed with a form of anexity ( i dont know much about this, my parents wont tell me) and was given leave from work until she was mentally better. She stayed at home, got medication and free counseling over the phone 2x a week. I had to remian going to school, got my school counseller 1x every 2 weeks and was denied medication becuse i was under 16. So yes, i did feel rejected and ignored and tbh i still do. In december 2017(about 1 year later), i found apps on my dads phone called "adult affair" that was clearly an app simmilar to tinder, meaning that he was cheating on my mum who he is married to. I didnt say anthing and no one but 2 of my closest friends know.
Me and my mum have a crap relationship and always have since i can remember. She seems to not understand the meaning of hurtfull words. She makes snide comments such as when i brought a new jacket "that looks really weird on you!" and "ahahah that outfit does not go together at all" or "you should really tone down the makeup, you look like those people off of love island ahah". She says these thing deliberatly to hurt me becuse to her theses are an insult. When i get uspet over these comments, she says that i am being over dramatic, exagerating and should stop being a wuss. These comments dont sound like much but when they have chiped away practically everyday at you, it beings to hurt and damage your own self condience and the way you see yourself
i am still hurting becuse of all this stuff that has happened in the past and now one of my new feinds at collage has a really fucked up home life that she wants me to listen to. i feel horrible beucse as much as i want to help, i cant say the words that im screaming in my head that i need help too. she makes jokes about killing herself and i want to scream that i want to die as well if it means no more pain. i didnt even realise i was truly hurting until recently because i pushed it down so much. but i feel a constant ache in my chest that i cant escape and i cant breathe properly around it. The other day she siaad "at least you got help for your mental health" but all shows knows is that a saw the school counslor, she doesnt know anything. i wanted to tell her the whole long story that ive written here but i physically couldnt all i siad was "i can help you". My freinds in my friendship grup all talk about how they worry about her and support her. I dont mean to sound selfish but i wish they would support me. I wih someone would worry about me. I am invisble.
I figured out recently why i cant tell anyone anymore, its becuse last time i just got more hurt in the process and my world went to crap. My mum went nuts and couldnt work, my dad cheated, i got kicked to the side like an annoying child. I AM TERRIFYED OF IT HAPPENING AGAIN. i lost everything last time, my parents, my friends. Ive just got it somewhat back and i cant risk it.
I want someone to see how much im hurting and to help but i am also terrified about telling anyone.
how the hell am i supposed to live with this
[Post edited by @bear228 to remove triggering details]
@Popa that was really long im sorry lol :)
@Popa
Heya! I
@LinearWaves thanks for your reply and advice. I would like to know the self harm alterntives if possible :) <3
@Popa
Sure! There are a lot of alternatives basically :) It's all about finding the right one(s) that work for you. And what I find helpful in order to find which alternatives can work for you, is to first think about how you are feeling when you feel like self-harming. For example, do you feel sad? Angry? Numb? Frustrated? Something else? And with how you're feeling, it can help to narrow down the good alternatives!
There this link that you can check out if you'd like, it gives ideas of alternatives and they're sorted depending on feelings, so it's pretty good! Also I want to mention something <3 One alternative might not be enough, and you might not find the right one at first, so like, what I used to do was to have a list of alternatives, and whenever I got the urges to self-harm, I'd go through the list of alternatives (for example, first reaching out to a friend, then watching a tv show, taking a shower, working out a bit, eating some comfort food ...) and if by the end of the list I still had the urge to self-harm, then be it, at least I really tried to push it. But eventually with delaying the urge, it faded.
Do you think you'd like to try out to make a list like that? <3
@LinearWaves this is really helpfull, thanks a lot :) x
@Popa
Glad to help! Don't hesitate if I can be of any more help <3
@LinearWaves Hey, How are you?
I'm not too bad, had the first visit with the new therapist. Wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be. Had a panic attack pretty much as soon as I got there. Little embarrassing, but he helped me through. Explained a few things, taught me a few things I need to work on. Found out that popcorn isn't a main food group, lol. He seems like an ok guy.
Plans for the weekend.. Not much,hopefully some sleep, probably hang out in the woods. There's a herd of doe around if you're quiet you can watch them. It's pretty neat. JUst can't take the dogs.
Song.. Mouth of the River- Imagine Dragons I usually listen to more heavy, Rob Zombie, Limp Bizkit, amped stuff but I need to be a little more careful with what I listen to. While the high octane music helps me get things done, it doesn't help my head. Which kind of sucks. Alot of my day is filled with music, I guess sacrifices must be made. As long as I don't have to listen to country. Sorry, if you like country, just not for me.
Take care, have a good weekend
@mytwistedsoul
Heya ! Im really glad to hear that your first visit with your new therapist went better than feared! The popcorn part is debatable though, I mean its kinda a cereal at first 🤷♀️ Nah just kidding haha, Im just glad that it went well! What do you think about the things he taught you to work on, does it seem hard to do for now?
Oh! That sounds like a really cool thing to d, to hang out in the woods and be able to hopefully watch this herd of doe! Countryside is really amazing, I just had to move to the city a week ago and I miss it already!
I really like Imagine Dragons, I find that they do great neutral music, as in, not too hard yet not too soft. Because I totally get what you mean, there are some kinds of music we prefer but theyre not always the best for us. It's like listening to a sad song when we're already sad, it fits but it's not the best choice ever. But yeah haha, lets not get too extreme and listen to country.
Have a good weekend as well, thanks for checking in! Take care!
@LinearWaves That's what I thought! Popcorn-corn=cereal
Hard to do...seems a little impossible. Frustrating. sometimes it's hard to think . I know it was just the first appointment, it's going to take time and he said we'll work on it next time. Just seems impossible. And sleep! How can something so easy be so hard? I mean you lay, down close your eyes and you're there. It's not that complicated.
The deer weren't out today anyway. I couldn't imagine living in the city. I feel for you. I know I would have a really hard time with that.
Have a good rest of the weekend. Take care
@mytwistedsoul
Yeah it was the first appointment, if things were easy and doable just like that, well, I guess problems and therapists wouldn
💙 How are you feeling?
I'm doing okay. Things seem to be looking up? But I feel kinda weird about that since things got bad enoughmy counselor sent me to see someone more often and now... if things get better... like, what does that mean? idk. i don't understand my brain at all. I don't want to not be doing well, but if I'm doing well and end upback with my other counselor, what if i end up worse again sometime and end up back with this new woman? or ... what if i'm with the new woman and she doesn't think i should be? ? It's just... recovering is such a mess and so non-linear that I never seem to get much further than not-in-crisis. :/
💙 Do you have any plan for the weekend?
I want to work on my spiritual journal and I'll help my family unpack at their new house across town.
@RabbitTangerine
Heya! Im really glad to hear youre doing okay! I totally understand your concerns though, When things start looking up again, its kinda all new and a bit scary. How about, just see how things go step by step? I know its much easier said than done though, but well, sometimes we overthink things in advance, when we cant even do much about it or even know how things will go in some time. Im trying to do the same, going step by step 💪
Thats cool ! Sounds like nice plans ! I hope you have a good weekend, take care!
