Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check In: Saturday, April 6th, 2019
Happy Saturday every-amazing-one! I am so happy to hear from you once again. 
The moral of the story is that you are an amazing flowerkitten and never forget that :P
How are you feeling today? :)
How has this week been for you? :)
What is one thing you do like about yourself? - or things, really, the more the merrier :)
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@redmark Hey how are you?
Been a little down, started last night. Might sound bad but I'd rather be depressed than anxious. I hate anxiety.
The week was, LONG! The weather has been difficult. Rain, sleet. COLD! I'm tired of it being cold. It's spring, let's get with the program. Got some thing's growing in the green house. Tomato plants, which is funny because I don't like tomatoes. Grow them every year, but never do anything with them. Green beans, sugar peas. Strawberries are blooming. But I think the blueberry plants died. That's a little sad. Had a dentist appointment, that caused some problems. A lot of anxiety with that, because well ew..touchy people. But hey no cavities, and nobody got bit lol!
um...honestly, at the moment, I can't think of anything. Nothing I'm working on want to cooperate and come together. I can make a mean bag of popcorn.
Hey have a good weekend, take care
Hey there @mytwistedsoul *offering safe hugs* (no pressure but just to be safe if you may need one today)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am doing okay, I think. It is kind of weird how after the end of quarter which is crazy busy we have barely anything to do in these first one or two weeks of the next quarter, it is just such a big change but a welcome one. Thank you for asking :)
Oww...I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like that. You know, I kind of agree with you. Not that I like to be depressed but anxiety can be just as like draining while also so stressful. Is there something causing it for you? Something I might be able to help with maybe? :)
We have had strawberries growing in our garden when I were little and I remember that they have really nice flowers. I mean, they also taste well too, of course. :P
Either way, I do hope the weather will get better for you soon as I can understand that dealing with the cold for so long can be really frustrating. Also, good job getting that dentist appointment done. I know it had to be stressful but you have not backed up and you have got through it. yay! ^-^
I cannot remember when I have last eaten some popcorn but now I want to have some :P
Also, I have seen you around in some other thread and I think it is just really awesome that you are still out there and how you do care about others and trying to help and support them in spite everything you are going through. It is quite inspirational. ^-^
Any songs for today you would like to share? :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark It's good to hear that you're doing good. Able to enjoy a break. I guess after all the rush, the break would be really nice. Enjoy!
It is really draining. Anxiety..make me feel like I'm a phone stuck on vibrate. The depression..just this situation, my situation. Things the therapist is telling me, just alot to take in and process. Thank you, but no. I need to try to crawl out on my own. Maybe just hold a flashlight, so I can tell which way is up.
They are pretty flowers, white with yellow centers, Green bean flowers are pretty too. White with a touch of purple.
Thanks, don't have to go back for another 6 months.
Popcorn is a staple here. Yeah probably not the best to eat all the time, but it's easy. Kind of pointless to cook for just one.
I don't think I'm doing a whole lot of good on the whole being out there thing. It's hard to find the words to make other's feel better when I can't find them for myself. There's alot of typeing and erasing and not bothering to post anything. Just better to not say anything sometimes. Thank you though.
Ah.. now theres a question that perked me up! The Veer Union - Living not Alive and Nothing More - Go to War
@mytwistedsoul You know, you do not have to say anything specific. It is just so overlooked nowadays to just be there for someone and listen to them but can really mean the world. You do not have to say anything profound or anything special, just the presene of somone, like you, can be reall helpful and you are there for people, you are really doing a good job.
I know that anxiety is...hard. I mean, it usually hits me the most when I go to bed and lay there trying to fall asleep. Otherwise I just mostly keep myself busy through the day but, I think it is possible to get better or just get a better hold of it. I made some progress, I think. Slow progress but...well...it might be different for you, this is really a personal thing, but I do think that one can overcome this - or just learn to kind of control it. I do hope for it anyway and I am willing to help as well if I can :)
I do not see it as dragging everyone down or anything like that. I mean, at least I know that it can feel like that, but there are a surprising amount of people out there who - for whatever reason - are willing to help and I am one of them No pressure tho, it is always really nice to talk with you no matter what either way. :)
Oww...these are heavier strongs. Both by the music and instruments and the theme of them. I kind of like songs like this but I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like that. I know it may not be much but I want you to know that you are not alone in this, we - and I - are here for you to get through this together
@redmark Thank you.
I'm sorry about the one video, I didn't know it was so violent. I try to be a little more careful with that. So yeah sorry. I had the lyric one on.
Take care
@mytwistedsoul Oh, don't worry, I am not easy to trigger and...also...I ususally use Spotify as well just going on in the background. ^-^
@redmark Still..
Do you ever find when you're down, that a part of you would really like to just go down the whole way? Because the dark is comfortable? So you want to feed it. Over feed it. No never mind. I shouldn't probably ask that. That's just how I feel. It gets tiring getting back up all the time,
@mytwistedsoul Hmm...I do not know if I have had that for me exactly. I know that tho when I am in a rut I find it hard to get out of that darkness and can even hold myself at times as well just because I want to say where I feel familiar at. In my...well...let's call it "comfort zone", although not really comfortable...
@redmark Sorry.. I guess thats more what I meant. Sort of.. idk. Like you're being buried alive, but you're ok with it because it's where you belong. Oh man I think I'm stuck. Sad thing is, even depressed, I still can't freaking sleep. Sorry didn't mean to come barging in.
@mytwistedsoul You are always welcome here and I am always glad to hear from you. There is no need to apologize. No pressure tho, you can say sorry as often as you would like to as I know how does it feel when you feel that inner pressure to apologize, so it it totally fine if you do as well :)
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like that regarding depression tho. At some point I was in a similar situation and I know that it can be really hard but I really believe that there is a way out of it and you are already making amazing steps on that road. Visiting a therapist and that group and reaching out here is such a strong and brave thing of you to do. I want you to know that you are not alone in this, we are here for you and together we can definitely get through this. I do really believe in it and I believe in you anyway! *offering safe hugs* (just in case, no pressure, I know you do not generally like those)
Heyooo, I love the moral of today's image! @redmark
I'm doing okay today actually. My ears are kinda veryyy sore; I had my indistrial and forward helix pierced, ouch xD
This week has been as good as it gets. I think it has been better earlier in the week, then how it is now and ending. I got on with school work and just kept my head high, it just seems this weekend things are going downhill all over but I'm avoiding getting involved in any situations that will simply make me crumble. Being here helps with that, so that's something.
I don't like anything about myself xD I like shoes I own if that counts hehe. I like things they don't have anything to do with me like kiwis hahah, like a lot. 
I guess I like my nails lol, they grow fast and are pretty long but not like a gross, oddly shaped nail xD Anyways, how're you?
I hope you have a good weekend!
*beeps*
Hey there @Littleblu *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you today!
Oww...thaaaat sounds kind of painful. I do hope your ear gets better soon. I am glad to hear that you are having an okay day overall tho :)
I am really glad to hear that you have had such a good week at school. I know it can be hard and stressful but I am happy to hear that you have been able to keep your head high and I do hope that you will be able to do so this weekend as well and just stay out of everything going on around you now. I mean, if there is anything we may be able to help you with we are always here for you as well so feel free to reach out to us here anytime.
Oh...kiwis are awesome. I mean, the fruit tastes amazing and the birds are pretty cute. I am now also kind of curious which one was named first and if there is any connetcion between the two... :P
Besides that tho, I know that it can be hard to find good things about yourself, things that you like, and I struggle a lot with it as well but I have found that it helps if you just try to compliment yourself every once in a while. I mean, for example, I think you have done a good job this week keeping your head up high at school and you are doing a good job right now staying away from possible toxicity around you :)
I am...well...good...ish. Nothing too bad, nothing to really complain about, so I guess just fine. Thank you for asking :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark I had a great day but I want to self harm and I did a little bit and I don't know why. I don't know why I do it or why I feel the urge to and I want to stop it or at least know why I do it so I can try to help myself
Hey there @LooneyArtimus *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am glad to hear that you have had a good day :)
Self-harm...is complicated. I mean, there are really many reasons one can do it and I know that there are some bad habits of mine that, for example, can be triggered just by being tired after a long, but overall good day even. Of course it is a subjective experience. I have tried to journal those times for a bit now and...there are times when I forget about it but just try to sit down and write down how I feel. Just how I feel, not why I want to do certain things or such. It kind of helps me but that is just an idea :)
Stay strong and awesome!
Heya @redmark !! How's it going??
I alright I guess. I had work today so I'm a little tired but that's alright. I had a 6 hour shift instead of an 8 hour which was good.
I have my performance evaluations next week. The music school I go to calls it a "Jury". It's like finals for my applied course (piano lessons) Because I'm going for a performance major, this is mandatory. I can't become a professional pianist if I can't play my instrument now can I haha??
One thing I like myself I guess is that I can play piano. My friends (who are also piano majors) joke about not being horrible at music but they're all fantastic musicians and I'd give anything to play half as good as they do!!
Anyways, I need to go practice again. I'm taking a break because I just did a complete run-through of my pieces and my total time of all my pieces back to back is 20 minutes and my hands hurt from playing that long. Take care!!
Hey there @CentreMid *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am doing fine. Lacking a bit of sleep, but otherwise okay. Thank you for asking :)
I am glad to hear that you are doing alright today. I am sorry to hear that you had to work today but, at least, 6 hours is better than a full shift and hopefully, you will be able to get a bit of rest as well now :)
Piano is just such an awesome instrument and it is so amazing that you can play it like that! Of course, I know that exams - and performances in general as well - can be stressful but I know that you have been working hard for this and I know you can do it. I do believe in you anyway.
I am sure you are just as good at playing the piano as they are. I mean, knowing how hard you are working on it and how passionate you are about it I know you will be able to master the piano! ^-^
Ohh...I mean, piano looks a bit hard on the fingers for sure.... Make sure that you take enough breaks and have some time for yourself as well. You can totally do it! :)
Stay awesome!
This week I am doing ok. I am a little stressed about my world history essay but I will worry about that tommorrow. One thing I like about myself is my dedication to my studies
Hey there @PurpleSnail *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to hear from you around here!
Oh, studies are definitely really important and I am really proud of you for working so hard on those but, of course, you do deserve some time for yourself as well, before jumping into that history essay. :)
Stay awesome!
I don't feel fine today. I have a pretty bad nightmare and I woke up really scared. Without even thinking I SHed. I needed to stop all those negative feelings... and the day has not gotten any better.
I feel depressed and down. I have to study and work, but I don't have the energy to. I just want to sleep for as long as it takes for life to get better.
I feel worse as the days come by and I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I tried to be possitive, but I cannot do this anymore...
One thing that I like about myself is that I am a good friend... or so my friends tell me.
Hey there @Kumy *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to have you here with us!
Oww, I am really sorry to hear that you have had such a nightmare. I know that it can almost instinctive at times to SH and I am really sorry that you are having such a tough time right now.
I know that it can be really hard, especially with the lack of sleep, to stay concentrated and motivated but it is okay to have a day or two for yourself just to recharge, it is okay to just survive some days :)
As hard as it is you do not have to do this alone. We are here for you and your friends are there for you as well. I know ti can be scary and hard to reach out to others about things like this, it was really tough for me as well, but always remember that you matter and you and your feelings are valid and important and you do always deserve to be heard, supportend and loved. :)
After all, that is what friendship is about, and based on your friends feedback, you are there for them as well and I know they would be there for you too. No pressure tho, I know it is scary. :)
Stay strong and awesome!
Hi, @redmark
Thanks for your answer and your kind words. Reading them made me feel better. Normally, I'm used to think that I don't have any right to feel like this (you know, the typical "lots of people have lives harder than yours"). So I just aisolate myself until I feel less unwell or til I deem it safe for people to be around me.
Tomorrow I have the first session with a psychologist and that has me on edge. I know it's normal, but that doesn't help. I hope that, after that, I will feel more relax.
Again, thanks for your time and your kindness.
@redmark
Hey. Having a rough day today. I feel the need to sh even though I've been over a year clean. I feel like such a failure and then it just makes things so much worse. Anyway I hope you are doing well. Thanks for being here.
Hey there @RedHawk6547 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to have you around here with us!
I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard day today. Although I know it can feel like that at times I do not think you are a failure. At least, what I know, and what I can see here is that you are out there, fighting, being brave, strong and trying to do your best all the time. I mean, I think you are pretty amazing! :)
Stay strong and awesome!