Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check In: Saturday, March 16th, 2019
Happy Saturday every-amazing-one! I have missed you all. 
How are you feeling today? :)
How was this week for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
What is one thing you could do for self-care right now? Do you have anything planned? :)
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Heyo @redmark
I'm not great today, and keeping distracted isn't easy but it is what it is.
Things are kinda difficult at home, even though they always are it just esculates sometimes. I had exams all week which are finally over at least. And with the windy weather this week, I literally flew to school and back again which was fun xD
Self care for me usually is walking but with the wind, I'd rather stay in instead of flying and getting stuck somewhere, like a tree. 
I hope you have a good weekend!
*beeps*
Hey there @Littleblu *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling great today.
I can imagine it has to be really hard to try to keep up with all those exams especially when things are not going well at home either. I want you to know that you are not alone in this and if there is anything we may be able to help you with we are here for you anytime. Together we can get through this, I believe in it and I do believe in you.
Flying to school sounds kind of fun tho, although, from my experience with strong winds it may be less fun as it sounds but, still, sounds fun :P
I do hope the weather gets better for you soon tho and you will be able to go outside and take a good walk out in the fresh air to clear your head a bit after this hard week. :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark Hey How are you?
Not sure. Not much sleep. As usual. I think I'm afraid to sleep.
It wasn't too bad of a week. A lot of things get done without sleeping. Working on a coffee table and a book shelf. Just decided on the stain a little bit ago. Ipswitch pine. Still alot of sanding. Getting the green house ready.
Had a thunderstorm last night! Snow tomorrow night into Monday. Craziest winter.
Need to go into the woods. For a walk or something. Just felt really uneasy the past few days. Tense. Like there something coming.
Hope you have a good weekend, Take care.
Hey there @mytwistedsoul *offering safe hugs* (no pressure, just in case you may want one right now :) )
It is always really nice to have you around here with us!
I am doing okay, just tired a bit, thank you for asking :)
I am sorry to hear that you have not been able to get enough sleep lately, I know that it can make eerything just that much harder. I do hope you will be able to get some good sleep tho, or just at least catch up a little bit with sleep :)
Is there a reason you are afraid to sleep? - No pressure, of course, but if you want to share I would be glad to listen
Oh....it is pretty awesome that you can do so many amazing things. I mean, making all those furniture and just the woodworking in general, and taking care of everything. I mean, I kind of admire you if I am honest! ^-^
I actually kind of like thunderstorms, I do not know why but I find them cool espeially if I can watch some lightning as well...
Either way tho, I hope that the weather will get better for you soon as I can imagine it has to be hard and frustrating even to deal with that crazy weather.
You know I have had a friend years ago here back in the chatrooms and they have had a word for it,"impending doom anxiety" and I think it is quite fitting. I do not know if this helps you tho but it helped me with these kinds of fears, I was just able to handle them as an anxiety and do what has helped me with anxiety to help make them more bearable and just generally tackle these fears as anxieties :)
A walk in the woods sounds a good start either way tho ^-^
Stay awesome!
@redmark Sorry to hear that you're tired too. Hopefully you can catch up on it over the weekend.
umm..Some of it is bad dreams... mostly it's ( this is going to sound so weird) and I feel weird for even saying it and I hope it's not held against me. I mean I know it's supposed to be a safe place in here, and you have never been anything but kind and patient. Thank you for that. It's not always the same me. There are things that change. Sometimes there are things that are remembered, or things that I don't remember. I've seen it in some of the posts I made. I know, I mean it's obviously me since it has the soul tag. But I don't know. Just doesn't sound like me. It happens during the day sometimes though too. Like sometimes I have a brain that works great and then other's I have a hard time zipping up my coat. Told you it was weird. I should probably shut up about it. so....yeah
Thank you... it's just something that I do. I'm not really good with any admiration so... or compliments.. Thank you though.
I like storms too. It was just so weird how fast it came up. And in March and now snow coming again. Wasn't there a groundhog somewhere that said spring was going to come early?
I have a hard time getting grounded. Sometimes I can and other's it goes from 0-60 with no chance of gaining control.
I really ..should have kept my mouth shut.
Thank you for listening, for talking with me.
Take care
@redmark You need to just forget that last post please...Shouldn't have said anything..
@mytwistedsoul Hey, you have done nothing wrong there, just sharing the way you feel and all that you have to deal with. It is okay and I do not think of you as anything less. If anything, I just feel really honored that you have trusted me so much that you have shared it.
Of course, you are in control here, if you want I will just forget about it and never mention it again but I really want you to know that I do really not think any less of you because of it and I do not ever want you to feel bad just for sharing the way you feel. The way you feel is always valid and always important and it is something I do care about and so are you. :)
This is a safe place and I am really glad to listen but please, let me know if you really just would like me to forget about that and it will be so. The last thing I want is to make you feel uncomfortable here.
@redmark Thank you.. I'm not used to talking about it. I wrote it, posted it and then afterward panicked, because well...
I kind of feel like some sort of freak at times. An unpredictable monster. I try to make sure I'm all right before I come to talk to anyone in here. There have been times that I've been rude and that's unacceptable. And angry, so I keep to myself.
A song.. The Score - Miracle (awesome) Let me know what you think if you would
A link... https://imgur.com/a/fpxWNNG Don't feel you have to. the quality isn't the best, I didn't think of dust getting all over the phone. Please don't have too high expectations.
Have a good weekend, Take care
@mytwistedsoul It can be defnitely scary to open up that is why I try to always emphasize that there is absolutely no pressure to answer any of my questions here. You are in control here and you can take this in a comfortable pace to you.
I am always glad and happy to get to know you better tho. I mean, I do not think you are freak and definitely not a monster. I know that strong emotions can make us do and say weird things. Believe it or not I have ended up hurting someone pretty bad here - and I still regret it, by a lot - once I was really under a lot of emotional stress. It just...happens I guess. Either way, I want you to know that expressing your emotions is healthy and important and I promise that if you will ever hurt me in any way or say anything bad I will let you know and we can just talk through it. You have not done anything like that tho, so do not worry.
I like that song. I do not exactly know what style it is but I love it, it has a lot of power the instruments and especially the voice of the singer. It is pretty awesome! ^-^
I love the name P.I.T.A. for that cat :P
Also, it seems good so far, that table you are working and, also also, you have some cute dogs. ^-^
@redmark Thanks Take Care
@redmark Have a good week.
@redmark I have a hard time imagining you hurting someone, but I know it happens. I do try so hard not to hurt people. I try to keep myself under control, that doesn't always work either. Some days it seems as though nothing works. Sorry, It been one of those days.
Thank you for your time, your patience. For talking with me... I appreciate it.
Take care.
@mytwistedsoul You know I do always feel like I have to say sorry as well. Like, thoughts like "What if I have had said something wrong, something they could misunderstand or just straight up hurt them. Anyway, I am just wasting their time so the least I can do is to say sorry..."
It is really hard to work on and really hard to overcome and it is totally okay if you have feelings like that and if you say sorry so do not worry about but I just want you to know that you have really done nothing wrong and I do really enjoy talking with you and just spending time with you here. You have really nothing to be sorry for.
@redmark I actually almost self harmed this morning thankfully I didn't but I almost did. It has been a rough up and down day
Hey there @LooneyArtimus *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to have you here with us!
I am really sorry to hear that you are having such a rough day but I am really proud of you for being so strong and resisting the urges like that. :)
If there is anything we may be able to help you with we are always here for you as well, you are not alone in this and together we can get through this. I believe in it anyways and I do definitely believe in you! ^-^
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark thank you so much 💙
I'm about to go to bed but I'm in a much better mood right now because I watched the girl ghost busters with my parents
If you've seen it Jillian Holtzmann is my favorite 😁
@LooneyArtimus I am really glad to hear that you are feeling better! :)
I have not seen that movie yet. I am really backed up with my to watch list. Lack of free time mostly I guess from my end but I will try to get to it as soon as I can, thank you for the suggestion! ^-^
@redmark
I had a relapse. Now all i see is red
Hey there @Godsbae *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to see you around here!
I am really sorry to hear that you have relapsed. First of all, please take good care of yourself physically and ask for help if required. I mean, there is nothing wrong with relapsing, it is part of the healing process, although I know it can be frustrating, but I know that you are really strong and you are not alone in this. Together we will be able to get through this, I believe in it and I do definitely believe in you! :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark
Thanks alot *hugs bk* currently seeking help its always nice to be here it feels like am surround by ppl who understand and doesnt judge. Things have been really hectic but am bk
