Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check In: Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
Happy Saturday every-amazing-one! I am so glad to hear from you once again here. 
How are you feeling today? :)
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
Do you have anything on your mind you would like to share? I would be glad to listen! :)
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Heyo, @redmark
I'm okayish today, my head has been hurting since yesterday and there's just a lot of tension at the moment and stuffles going on thats involved services which is stressful. I just want to sleep xD
Turning to school, this week has had its positive aspects, I've started get some exam results back (mock papers) and passed two out of three I got back so far. I just need to try hard for the real ones now.
I'm trying to keep a positive headset but with all thats happening around me, it becomes really overwhelming and draining. I can't say I've relapsed because I never recovered in the first place but I'm finding it hard to gain and keep control over the urges I get to SH. I just need to continue trying to keep productive and occupied.
I hope your weekends going well!
*beeps*
Hey there @Littleblu *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to have you around here with us!
Aww, I am sorry to hear that your head is hurting. I know it can really make everything harder and all those things sure sound stressful. I do hope you will get a bit of rest soon tho. :)
Yay! I am really proud of you for doing so well on thos mock papers. I am sure that you will be able to do just as well on the real ones or even better, now that you know better where you may have to focus on a bit still ^-^
Aww...hmm...you know, every single step is important and just by being here you are already making big steps. I know it can be really hard at times tho and it is totally okay if you do not have control over those urges yet. I mean, I would say you are doing well if you ask me anyway, you already have plans and even some ways to just keep yourself busy and occupied while those urges pass and that is an amazing start and I believe that you can get through this and you can get better.
Also, you are not alone in this, if there is anything we may be able to help you with we are always here for you and together we can sure do it! I do really believe in it anyways and I believe in you :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark you mean saturday right on check in you put sunday
Hey there @CaringBrit *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
Thank you very much for bringing it to my attention. I have fixed it and it is Saturday now.
I hope you are having a good day and a good weekend so far :)
Stay awesome!
@CaringBrit
Lol, you beat me to it!
@mytwistedsoul LOL
@redmark Hey How are you?
Got a little confused... You said happy Saturday, but the check in's for Sunday. Sorry...had to razz you a little on it.
Today has been better then the rest of the week was. It's a little quieter, almost peaceful, not quite but almost.
This was a very bad week. Fell off the SH wagon and once started, it's hard to stop. To make matter's worse, there was a visit from the Red Queen. Something is going to have to be done to put a stop to that. Which is kind of terrifying, because there will probably be repercussions. It causes too much chaos, too much everything. It's hard to keep things contained. No doc or group this week, he has a funeral. Which made dealing with the aftermath of her visit harder.
Pulled some old school type desk's or chairs, whatever you want to call them, out of the basement. Not sure how old they are, the grandparents had them. They still have wads of gum stuck under them, which while completely gross, it was sort of funny too. They still have all the writting from when they were used.
Some tunes. The Score - Only One and Who I am (get goosebumps with that one) and Born For This. They're alt. rock.
Other than that, the snow is all melted. Mud has taken it's place. Had almost 3 inches of rain, between that and all the snow melt the streams and rivers are flooded. Add 50 mph wind gusts. Unfortunately the woods aren't safe at the moment.
Have a good weekend, take care!
Hey there @mytwistedsoul *offering safe hugs* (In case you might want one, no pressure at all tho :) )
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am sorry for confusing you. Today is just not really my best day I guess. It has just started off with no internet for me and it took my ISP four hours to figure out and then I was already backed up and...well....this happened. Anyway, I am really sorry :(
I am really glad to hear that you have been able to get some rest today and just recharge a little bit :)
Aww...I am sorry to hear that you have had such a hard week.
I remember that you have mentioned that her visits always stir up so many hard emotions and thoughts within you. I can imagine it has to be really hard now to deal with all that and try to deal with those urges and some days it is enough to just survive and take things slowly. I mean, I am proud of you for being here and reaching out to us here even at times like this, not matter what. You are really strong.
I mean, even if you may not have the group or your doctor avialable today I want you to know that we are all here for you if there is anything we may be able to help you with. :)
Oh, a piece of history isn't it? I mean, it is kind of interesting to learn that our grandparents were just as mischievous as we were, like sticking their gum under the table. Although, yep, it sounds gross, like a lot but also kind of interesting. ^-^
I start to really like that band. They have some really good lyrics and also, that singing voice is really amazing. Thank you for sharing! :)
Wow, that sounds like really harsh weather. I mean, the mud we get here as well once the snow is melting but all those winds sound scary. I am glad to hear that you are staying safe for now but I do really hope that the weather will get better soon and you will be able to go for walks in the woods :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark
Sorry to hear about your internet. It really sucks when it goes down. Kind of like an end of the world feeling. Although..I was just teasing about the days. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it seriously. So please, no apologies.
Thank you, it is nice to be able to come here and talk with everyone. Although, honestly there was some discussion yesterday about staying away for a bit because of a lack of self control, when it comes to emotions and what is said. A decision wasn't reached so, one day at a time.
Yep totally gross but pictures were taken lol!
Really glad you like the band. They do have some really good lyrics. Very happy to be able to share!
Thank you, it's always nice talking with you. Take care
@mytwistedsoul
Oww, I did not mean it like that. I guess I am kind of similar to you in that sense I feel the need to say sorry just...like always. I guess it is anxiety. Also I think I am just bad with this whole teasing thing, I have to work on my confidence and what not. Either way tho, you have done nothing wrong, it's just things I will need to work on. :)
One day at a time sounds good to me. There is no pressure on you to come here or to share in any of these check-ins but if and when you feel like you would like to share you are always welcome here. You are in control here and it is always okay to take a break or to share here about your day, whichever you may feel comfortable with.
I mean, I don't know why but I still find it kind of intiguing that our grandparents were just as mischievious as childs like today's kids. You know, how things are not necessarily changing even after such a long time. Although, it maybe a bit stupid but it is just what it made me think of :)
You know I get you so much with this. I just sooo want someone I could share music with. Once I have had a person in my life I could share songs with and she has shared songs back with me and it was an amazing feeling. We just kind of drifted apart with time sadly tho. I really miss it :(
Anyway, that is enough about me, that band is totally awesome for sure! ^-^
@redmark I can be alittle weird when it comes to teasing. I guess it all depends on where my thoughts are at the time. I'm sorry I didn't give it a thought. I think I've not been giving alot of things any thought, especially when it involves other's.
I had an epiphany today.. I broke a lightbulb...it fell in the sink..no big deal. So I'm standing there looking at the shattered mess and I realized how well that described my life. You know, there's big pieces and little ones, slivers, little glass dots, dust. And you know, if you've ever broken a light bulb, that no matter how well you pick up the pieces and clean up the mess, there's always going to be a piece somewhere that you missed. You might not find it for a week or a month but when you do it will be because it cut you. That lightbulb...is my life. No matter how well I clean up this mess there's always going to be missing pieces that are going to hide and cut when it's least expected. Kind of sucks..
I'm sorry you grew apart from someone you shared music with. I know it happens, people grow, move, whatever. It's hard to find people with common interests. And music has a language all it's own. It can bring so many emotions. I always thought people shuld ask what I'm listening to instead of how I feel, because the music explains it so much better than I can. Right now it's Zayde Wolf - Built for this time and Sam Tinnesz - Far From Home.
Take care
@mytwistedsoul This whole teasing thing is just a strange concept for me but it really seems like to be a part of every relationship for some reason so I suppose it is just something we have to kind of learn and get better at it, but we can try to do that together. :)
That lightbulb metaphor is interesting. On one hand, I think you are right. Most traumas can stay with you forever and just jump on you when you least expect them to do so and "cut you" sadly.
On the other hand - this may sound stupid to just say it out like this, but - people are not lightbulbs. We, as humans, are just such an amazing creatures and we are able to heal and and adapt. Heal most of the wounds and those little pieces that may still hurt us from time to time we can learn to handle them better and better or even just avoid situations when they would have an opportunity to hurt us.
Recovery is a complicated, hard, and long process but I feel like it is not impossible to live a good life still after trauma. I mean, truth is, everyone has some of those spots, insecurities that they try to avoid as well. It does not make you any less of person than anyone else to have those
Also, yep, it sucks to grow apart from someone like that. I sometimes wish I could just share songs as well instead of talking much about how I feel. Either way tho, I am glad you are sharing these songs with me. I mean, they are just really good songs and also I am glad and feel really honored that you do trust me so much to open up like this, thank you very much! :)
@redmark Hey how are you?
Sorry if I'm being a pain. Trying to find distractions. My head wants to turn everything into a hazard. If theres an edge to it, theres thoughts about it.
Somedays it seems like it would be better to be anything but human. Even if it would be for an hour or two. Preferably something that doesn't think. I'm tired of thinking.
Not being able to sleep but not feeling social has led me into some weird music. It give's me something to do. Helps keep me out of trouble. The fact that I can share it with someone, idk, just feel nice. I'm glad you like it. Have you listened to Stronger by The Score? That one is good too. I did find a new band, a couple dozen actually. Ghost Machines - New Kind of Animal
Thanks, for taking time to talk.
Take care
Hey there @mytwistedsoul *offering safe hugs* (just in case, no pressure)
Well, I am a bit tired I guess. Generally my work is okay in terms of workload but the end of every quarter things just get crazy and we are right at the end of the first quarter soo it is just busy. I am okay tho and I am 40% with this week already :P
You are not a pain. I am glad ot hear from you anytime here. :)
I am sorry to hear that you are struggling like that, I can imagine it has to be really hard to deal with but I am glad that you have decided to reach out to us here :)
Sometimes I wish as well to just kind of disappear I guess and leave my worries behind but sadly it is not possible. You are not alone in this tho. I know this is not the same like in person but we are here for you if there is anything we may be able to help you with :)
What I like about these songs you are sharing, you know, is that they are "fight songs". All of them has this high energy, upbeat feel to it like you are ready to fight this battle ahead of you and beat all those negative feelings and thoughts. I mean, I am kind of different in that sense, I usually just pick songs that are matching my mood and just resonating with me and they are mostly melancholic (like Old Heart Falls by Katatonia or Firelights by Swallow the Sun) but I do really love this more energetic approach you have towards these issues and your songs are really helping me sometimes to get that vibe as well. So, thank you! :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark I'm glad to hear that you're doing ok..except for being tired. I know how that is. The quarterly thing, I get that. For most of the quarter things go a smooth, even pace until the last two weeks of it then it's like everyone..panic! This has to get done.
Thank you for sharing those songs! I really like Katatonia, Swallow the sun, I like the music, the guitar, drums, and I thought it was cool with adding the violin and cello in. Those 2 songs led me down an amazing musical adventure through the night. Evans Blue- Erase my Scars and Demon Hunter - I will Fail You...awesome. This is Gonna Hurt - Sixx Am. I've always liked this kind of music. I just have to be really careful with it. That song by Sam Tinnesz..Far from Home? Beautiful but like I said I just have to be careful or it will well, that darkness can be too appealing at times and when I find it, I have a hard time getting back out. So upbeat fight songs.. because as they say," I don't know how to die quietly."
Anyway.. Thanks... I'll leave you alone now. You stay awesome and strong too. People like you...well you make the world feel a little better for people like me.
Take care
@mytwistedsoul I do really enjoy talking with you, you know. I mean, I may be busy at times but I will always try to get back to you, even if it may take some time, so do not worry about "not leaving me alone". :)
I am glad you have liked those songs but I do understand that you do need something that snaps you out of that melancholic feeling rather than something that resonates with it. I mean, I suppose it may help for me as well if I would have a similar approach and that is why I like the songs you share. I have just got used to dwelve more into the melancholy with my music choices I suppose whenever I pick music based on my mood. I mean, sometimes I just pick music that are helping me to stay focused at work or just pump a little bit of adrenaline or so... ^-^
Either way, I hope your week is going well so far, it is always really nice to hear from you and I am glad to hear that I may be of help for you, it really means a lot to me to recieve such feedback - thank you for it!
@redmark Breaking Benjamin - The Dark of You Until it Ends Dear Agony
I'm a little worried that I'm feeding any sadness or depression you have though. Well, honestly... I'm alot worried about it. It's just..well... I know how mine makes me feel. I don't like that other's feel that too. So please try not to slip that far down, yeah? I mean I realize I have no control over that but I don't want to add to it either.
They really are good songs, it's a good band. I've listened to everything they have. The Dark of you is my favorite, but Until it ends is a close second, but that's just because of the one line. You may all ready know of them though, if so well, just ignore it.
@redmark I scribbled up a rough draft of a paper about my grandmother last night and I'm about to go through and fix it up. I'm stressed because I have some deadlines that are getting really close and I haven't finished them.
Hey there @LooneyArtimus *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
Oww, deadlines are indeed stressful. I am sorry to hear that you do have to deal with so many of them but I am glad to hear that you have got that paper for your grandmother out of your way now - well, mostly anyway :)
Do not forget to take some breaks and take some time for yourself as well, even through these busy times, you are important as well and you do still deserve it as well as taking breaks can improve your productivity overall :)
Either way tho, you can do it, you can get those things done to the deadline, I believe in you! ^-^
Stay awesome!
@redmark it makes me smiles and it means a lot to me that you reply it's nice knowing that someone is listening
@redmark
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
(Last Week, now!) Was actually pretty decent, preparing for my trip this week w/ my family for my brothers birthday!
Do you have anything on your mind you would like to share? I would be glad to listen! :)
Just a lil thank you for these check-ins, we appreciate it! Hope you're doing well alsooo.
Hey there @addierus *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to have you here with us!
I am really glad to hear that you have had such a nice week. That trip sounds really exciting and happy birthday to your brother in advance! :)
Aw, thank you very much, you add so much to these check-in as well just by being here with us too! ^-^
Stay awesome!
Hi friend! @redmark, hope you have a good day :)
How are you feeling today? :)
I'm feeling good. I haven't eaten everything in reach, so that I am really happy about. I feel good in general, if you ask me, but that's bc of my ED.
But well... I started self-harming out of stress at a group session, and I didn't even realize that I have done it, before I looked at my arm and had a nail-burn (it's when you keep repeating gracing your nails over your skin until you get a burn/wound. It hurts like hell, and get really inflamed). So I have self-harmed after 3 months of not doing it, almost 4 month. I'm so disapointed in myself. I suck...
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
My week has been great beside from the self-harming part. I have been good. I have eaten like all the time, but that's that. Somehow I have lost half a kg anyways. Weird.
Do you have anything on your mind you would like to share? I would be glad to listen! :)
Nothing else today.
Hey there @EvilRegalsReadToo *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
Hey, you do not suck!
First of all, I want you to know that I am really proud of you for being so strong making it almost four months without SH. I mean, I know how hard it can be at time but you are really doing an amazing job there.
Of course, I know there are some days harder than other or maybe even some triggers that put so much stress on you that you are not sure how to handle and may relapse but getting through those rough times and learning from them is part of the recovery process as well as relpases that may happen. Now you will be able to use all the knowledge and techniques that have got you to almost four months and also have this experience to learn from and get even stronger. I know you can do it, I know you can get through this and make this even further than four months now. I believe in you. :)
I am glad to hear that your week was overall good still. I do hope the rest of it will be good as well and you will be able to just recharge and relax a little bit :)
Also, do not forget, you are not alone in this and we all are here for you to help you as best as we can if there is anything we may be able to help you with or just something on your mind you would like to share feel free to reach out to us here - or if you would just like to say hi or just be around to not be alone, no matter what, you are always welcome :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark, thank you!
