Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check-In: Saturday May 30, 2020
Hey everyone! It's Atticus :D I hope you all have a good week and ready for the weekend! I wanted to share a few thoughts on blame for today's little check-in.
There is a fine line between "holding someone responsible" and blaming someone for their wrong-doing. The same goes for ourselves. I think often in the self-harm recovery journey, we blame ourselves for things that are far beyond our control. This often happens in the process of relapse when we blame ourselves for relapse or blame others.
It might be that blame isn't the answer for every scenario. Blame is a valid response as we try to explain the most unexplainable things. But there's a difference between responsibility and blame that we all need to recognize for the sake of our mental health and others as well. Blaming anyone, even ourselves leads down a toxic cycle, and especially with self-harm, can lead to just a downward spiral that we don't deserve.
Check-in questions:
1) How are you doing today and what was the highlight of your week? What was a challenge of the week? Feel free to share anything you see fit!
2) Do you feel like you blame others more or yourself? What can you do to change how you blame others/yourself and start forgiving yourself/others more (for the right reasons)?
3) What's your favorite weather and why?
Have a great weekend everyone!
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1) How are you doing today and what was the highlight of your week? What was a challenge of the week? Feel free to share anything you see fit!
Someone put me on their netflix account. Continuing
2) Do you feel like you blame others more or yourself? What can you do to change how you blame others/yourself and start forgiving yourself/others more (for the right reasons)?
We can only hold ourselves accountable for anything. So we can only blame ourselves. I would be more strict.
3) What's your favorite weather and why?
Have a great weekend everyone!
Sunny and warm. I've been to cold often. Bad experiences.
@Flornhope
Hey Florn. <3 Oh? I hope they put you on their Netflix account for a good reason so you can watch shows with them or something. You're right that we can hold ourselves accountable and accountability is a very important issue that comes up with the self-harm recovery journey. I think having others and ourselves help with accountability can be a good thing to help with the recovery process! I respect that you want to be more restrict with yourself but I hope you do so in a healthy way. It's always sunny and warm where I live! I'm sure you'd like the weather here. Thank you for checking in!
@TheAtticusFinch Ya the netflix is my sisters and we plan on doing a face time and watch the same thing at the same time with her family at some point. I don't know much about healthy stuff besides not doing bad things. Lots of places have significantly better weather than here. Thank you
@TheAtticusFinch
Hello there ! I hope you're having a good day :)
1) How are you doing today and what was the highlight of your week? What was a challenge of the week? Feel free to share anything you see fit! Today is a day of feeling restless and numb at the same time, quite a conterproductive mood. My highlight of the week was a phone call from my brother. Cooking would be the challenge of this week.
2) Do you feel like you blame others more or yourself? What can you do to change how you blame others/yourself and start forgiving yourself/others more (for the right reasons)? I blame myself more than others. Having said that I know that everyone always has some sort of responsability regarding any type of situation. But I can only control my actions which is why I often blame myself for not doing more than I could/should.
3) What's your favorite weather and why? I do love warm sunny days but my absolute favorite moments are when the wind picks up just before a storm. Everything is simultaneously quiet and agitated. You have to make the most of the calmness before the thunder comes.
Siz.
@Slizzy564
Hey Slizzy <3 awww I hope you're having a fantastic day as well. I'm glad you got a phone call from your brother this week.. connecting family in times of quarantine is always good no matter what. But I'm sorry you're feeling counterproductive and restless.. I know those two feelings are hard to feel and I hope you get to do some motivation to do things soon. Cooking is interestingly difficult for me right now too, hope that gets better for ya. I feel you a lot on the blaming self part and can relate to what you're saying a lot. It's like.. we both "know" that others (including ourselves) have responsibilities as well but we still manage to blame ourselves.. which isn't good. :/ Woah! I've never experienced that calm before the storm before but that sounds really cool and I'd love to see that one day. Thanks for checking in. :)
@TheAtticusFinch
Thank you for your reply, it's just what I needed to hear today <3
Yeah I love hearing from my brother, he always has a positive attitude :)
The 'bad' feelings are still here but at least I found the motivation to paint yesterday, small steps my friend, small steps !
Cooking has always been a challenge for me, I think the kitchen doesn't agree with me x) How is it 'interesting difficult' for you ?
Sometimes I think it's easier to blame ourselves than others just because we can change our attitude but we can't change others ... If that makes any sense ?
I hope you do see the calm before a storm, I find it weirdly comforting :)
Have a good day,
Siz.
@Slizzy564
Awww I'm glad my reply helped a bit :) Awww I'm glad you got to pain yesterday! I find art to really help me out as well and have been getting into art journalism and watercolor lately. Art is something I never really got into as a kid as much as my family tried to, but lately, I've been super into it and trying to see what else I can do with it like art history and stuff! Cooking is an interesting challenge to me because I don't like feeding into my family stereotype of "female cooks" but I genuinely find cooking calming.. so it's a challenge for finding the balance between those feelings for me :) You're right it's frustrating not being able to change others and that can be an important part to self-blame and I'm glad you recognize that. We'll both find the calm before the storm and try and live in it. :3
@TheAtticusFinch
Your reply sure did help :) Hum yeah I like anything art related, it's great to see people put their emotions into a physical object :) Oooh watercolor sounds interesting, it looks so pretty :) It's nice to hear that you rediscovered art and found a passion for it. Just goes to prove that our interests change with time I guess ;)
Hum I like the idea of going against the stereotype of female cooks. Being a young woman who hates cooking I relate to that so much :) I hope you find your balance in your feelings :)
It's funny really that I would talk about the calm before the storm here and it happened just a couple of hours ago. A nice moment shared with some 'friends'. And yes, we can always try to live in it ;)
@TheAtticusFinch
1) How are you doing today and what was the highlight of your week? What was a challenge of the week? Feel free to share anything you see fit!
I'm doing well. Well, my ED is shit, but this isn't the place to talk about that. I have re-found an old passion: Rollerblading. Makes me kinda happy that I can add more to my daily rutine. Now it's bikerides, walks and rollerblading daily. Looking forward to doing a more varied kind of work out. I do love my cardio and I need it daily to not get depressed. I don't do much else at the moment, bc the gyms are closed, but it will get better when they open in August (in Denmark at least).
I have had an ok week. I had a good talk with my mentor on wednesday (even if I almost cried), and I had a good talk with my contact person the next day. I also got a haircut, I needed that, and now I have short hair again. I try to grow out my sidecut, but that shit takes time xD And my dad was at my apartment putting up some shelves in my broomcloset.
Eating is the general challenge, and not self harming. I have wanted to SH SO DAMN MANY times this week, but I haven't done it yet. I'm kinda proud, but I also know when I "have to" do it, and when I "would like to" do it. I can seperate those.
2) Do you feel like you blame others more or yourself? What can you do to change how you blame others/yourself and start forgiving yourself/others more (for the right reasons)?
I blame me. Always me. I hate me. I know that. But I'm trying to work on it and get better. Even though I can't forgive myself quite yet. But I will get there eventually - I hope. I will "just" have to get my mother's voice out of my head, and stop believing her hurtful words. I just have to get her fully out of my life, and I hope that will help me. But at the same time I can't tell her that I don't want her in my life, bc even though she hurts me, I don't wanna hurt her.
3) What's your favorite weather and why?
I do like rain, when I don't have to be outside. But I prefer cloudly yet slightly sunny weather.
@EvilRegalsReadToo
Hey again Regals <3 always a pleasure to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear that ED and not self-harming this week has been difficult for you. It sounds like quite the immense challenge when both are put together and I'm proud of you for making it through. Discovering old passions is something I myself need to get back into and I'm so glad to hear that you re-discovered roller blading! That does sound like a lot of fun and I'm glad you're getting some exercise in as well. I'm sorry to hear that your mother has influenced you to blame yourself so much. The self-blame as a result of family is something I myself can relate to and I empathize with where you're coming from. It's so difficult and it's good that you recognize that you don't exactly want to hurt your mom and it's also good that you still have hope out for yourself. I have hope in you too as well. <3 I enjoy rainy and cloudy weather as well and I hope you have a great weekend!
1) How are you doing today and what was the highlight of your week? What was a challenge of the week?
I am doing okay today. I am feeling a little bit better than I have been the last few days. The highlight of my week this week has been starting to read again after having not for a few months. A challenge this week has been to get started on some tasks that were giving me anxiety.
2) Do you feel like you blame others more or yourself? What can you do to change how you blame others/yourself and start forgiving yourself/others more (for the right reasons)?
I feel like I usually blame myself. I feel like things always wrap around to be my fault somehow. I need to try and forgive myself more and remind myself that other people are responsible for their choices and behavior, not me.
3) What's your favorite weather and why?
My favorite weather is cloudy and chilly. I love cozying up in a blanket or a bunch of layers on a rainy day or during a thunderstorm .
@aviori
Hi! Sorry for getting back to you so late on this. I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better this week! Oh my gosh, I can definitely relate to the reading thing! I recently got kindle unlimited last week and have started listening to the free audio book of The Handmaid's tale on YouTube and reading the book too. I hope you're enjoying reading as much as I am! It's a good coping skill to have. 
Aww, I understand where you're coming from with the task stress. I can definitely relate to that too and make sure you're having a good organization system and taking breaks <3 You got this! I'm sorry that you blame yourself for many things and seem to find yourself to always blame yourself somehow. That's something I can definitely relate with too and you're right that others are responsible for their own actions and choices and I'm glad you realize that! Realizing that is just one step on the road to recovery. :) Wow we're so similar because that's my favorite weather too!! <3 Have a great week possible "twin"! :)