Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check-In: Thursday, June 4th, 2020
Heya everyone! Were past the first half of the week, almost the weekend!
1) How are you doing today?
2) What is/will be the highlight and the downside of the day?
3) What goal/focus/objective(s) do you want to set for June?
4) If you had to make a motto (to describe yourself for example, or anything), what would it be?
Feel free to share anything else in your mind! I'll be looking forward hearing from you all!
Take good care of your amazing selves, stay safe everyone <3
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@LinearWaves
1) How are you doing today?
I'm doing well, and I might soon be getting a dog! I'm really looking forward to that, as I have wanted a dog for so long. It gonna be trained as a pchyciatric service dog, so I have to get a 'go' for that, before I can buy it, as I am not allowed to have a "normal" dog at my apartment, but the service dog is ok. So I'm looking forward to that, and to be able to go out more, as I don't like going out into the world alone. I can do grocery shopping myself and I can ride my bike, but I kinda can't do much else than that.
Other than that I'm good. I haven't had any SH urges as of lately (which means in two days), so I'm all good. I feel really good after today, even though I'm still pretty tired, so I took a nap earlier, which ended up being a too long nap, so now I can't sleep tonight. Of that I am sure.
2) What is/will be the highlight and the downside of the day?
The highlight would be meeting with that woman about the service dog. It was really nice and she said in one to three weeks I would get an answer. And I ofc hope the answer is a yes and not a no, bc I really need me some company. Downside? I haven't had any downsides today. I woke up at my grandparents' house and felt fantastic, if not a little tired. I slept at their place last night, bc I visited them and it got late.
3) What goal/focus/objective(s) do you want to set for June?
I would like to try to battle my ED thoughts, try not to self harm, work out more and get to talk to my therapist about me feeling like an evil person.
4) If you had to make a motto (to describe yourself for example, or anything), what would it be?
I don't have that, but I do like what Dolly Parton says about smiles: "If you see someone without a smile, give them yours."
@EvilRegalsReadToo
Heya ! Thats amazing news, I really hope you get all the green lights on that! Plus in addition to having a buddy to go out with, having a dog can definitely be a great thing for mental health on so many levels! Im also really glad to hear you havent been having any urge lately. As for naps, they can definitely be tricky… I hope you can at least enjoy that time to write or chill, and still get enough rest so as not to end up needing another nap tomorrow lol
These are really important goals, its great to see you focused on recovery and planning on talking about issues youre having with your therapist. I wish you the best of luck on these goals!
I really like that quote as well! One cool thing about smiles is that when you smile even when you had no reason to smile, it actually releases some stuff in your brain making you feel happier, sooo we definitely should smile more often! (at least thats what they say)
Take care and thanks for letting us know how youre doing!
@EvilRegalsReadToo Congrats on the dog! What kind? I'm so glad to hear that you had a good day! Hugs
@FigureskatingEquestrian I'm not sure. I have looked at Papillons though :)
1) How are you doing today?
Am ok.
2) Well, I had some coffee that was very good - highlight. Downside so far has been giving into the part of me that loves drama, instead of listening to the side of me that knows drama drains me. Gonna try to ride out this coffee and do something that I want to do. I have perfectly fine days then it gets smudged up with drama in some way smh. It's sad because chasing drama is something I resent in others and here I am. Would love to act like an adult
3) Enjoy things (e.i. movies, tv shows, music, books - hobbies basically) without worrying about how they make me seem to others & without feeling guilty for liking them. I enjoy what I enjoy and that should be it.
4) I enjoy what I enjoy? Lol I don't know. Probably something about finding positives in life. I'm really not a motto person, they're too simplistic while humans are beautifully complex. I have affirmations but mottos... nah 
Hey there! It
@LinearWaves
I would love to be able to be around drama (by drama I do not mean current events but drama that literally does not need to exist right now, like arguments popping up about arbitrary things) and not get drained by it. Would love to do the same for other stressors too. Want to acknowledge it or address it if needed without getting pulled in by others. But for now, I think distance is healthiest until I can be less emotional. I don't feel very balanced right now. Need a bubble around me. Feel pretty hopeless, like enjoying things doesn't feel "useful". Idk.
@Lexloveslife
You
@LinearWaves
Maybe, if feeling hopeless and not enjoying things is distance, it's not something I'm doing on purpose. I see what you're saying, it could be my brain's way of trying to get me to focus on my self care. I'm really hoping this isn't the start of a depressive episode though. It feels all too familiar. Some rest might help. I'll find out later I guess
@Lexloveslife
It
@LinearWaves
1) How are you doing today?
I have been feeling lots of sadness in the past few hours. Urges are here as well.
2) What is/will be the highlight and the downside of the day?
I've finished writing a very triggering assignment for uni, an essay on attachment. I still need to proofread it, but the worst bit is over. Downside... this sadness... I don't even know why it is here
3) What goal/focus/objective(s) do you want to set for June?
Go to Italy. Read a novel. Start with yoga again.
4) If you had to make a motto (to describe yourself for example, or anything), what would it be?
Flowers need to be handled with care
@admaiorasemper
Hey there Valeria, its nice to hear from you !
Im really sorry to hear that youve been feeling lots of sadness, and urges. Do you think this triggering assignment could have caused it or a part of it? On another note, Im super proud of you for having finished writing it, it must have been really tough, I hope that now you can enjoy some self-care or turn to coping mechanisms that work for you.
These sound like nice goals for June! I was thinking about you the other day when I heard Italy was opening up its frontiers again and that we could go (and come back), if Im not mistaken you have family over there?
As for yoga, I started using the app Downward dog, which was really well done (although I did stop after a few days but the app was still really suitable for all levels and well done) in case you need some resources for yoga!
Thats a lovely motto, it reminds me of the quote when a flower doesnt bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower which Ive always loved as it raises an important point!
Take care, thanks for checking in, its always good to hear from you!
@LinearWaves thank you for your kind words 
You remember well, I have family in Italy! And borders are open now, so it's mainly a matter of finding the courage to drive there (I never did it before, I usually go by train but that doesn't seem a good option at the moment).
I will check that yoga app out, thank you.
Writing the assignment was very difficult and it did cause lots of distress, but my current sadness doesn't feel related to it... I really don't know... I'm having a therapy session this morning, maybe I'll figure it out.
Thank you for this check-in, I hope you're doing ok.
@admaiorasemper
It definitely sounds like a long drive, especially starting from up in France… I hope you can find a co-driver or take as many breaks as needed! I get you for the train, I had a days-long debate with myself to order or not train tickets, I ended up taking them and I hope it wasn
@LinearWaves
1) How are you doing today?
I'm doing good today. The urges aren't so bad now. I saw my therapist yesterday and she really helped me.
2) What is/will be the highlight and the downside of the day? Highlight of the day was going to the farmers market. Downside of the day is my daughter is with her dad.
3) What goal/focus/objective(s) do you want to set for June?
I would like to write more. I used to write poetry quite a bit but haven't in months. Also I need to find things that keep me busy when my daughter goes to her dad's.
@RedHawk6547
Hey there ! Its good to hear from you, Im glad to hear youre doing good and not feeling urges as bad as before, plus that talking to your therapist really helped.
These are really interesting goals for June! Do you think you could maybe combine them? Writing poetry could be nice to do when your daughter is at her dads, so as to be able to be all focused on that and do something nice! I hope you can get back to it, I know Rupi Kaur (I dont know if you know her?) did some live writing sessions (still online on instagram), giving some prompts to get you started on writing something, I dont know if prompts could be of help?
Apart from writing, I hope you can find nice things to do to keep you busy, such a going to farmers market, maybe going on walks, reading, doing some sports/art/yoga, watching shows, learning new skills (just throwing in suggestions in case one helps!)
Take care, thanks for checking in, its always good to hear from you!
1) How are you doing today?
Just fine. All normal.
2) What is/will be the highlight and the downside of the day?
I've managed to keep myself mentally distracted. I haven't done much of anything productive though. But the other alternative is worse I've been told.
3) What goal/focus/objective(s) do you want to set for June?
None. Just be done with it. I have no goals for anything. I just want to be done with everything.
4) If you had to make a motto (to describe yourself for example, or anything), what would it be?
I have three saying I like. It doesn't matter where you come from, it's where you are going that matters. Say what you mean, mean what you say, do as you say. You got to keep on keeping on. What are you going to do, quite?
@Flornhope
Hey there Florn ! Its good to hear you had a normal day, and were able to keep yourself mentally distracted. Id define it as being productive to be honest, productivity isnt always getting things done, it can also take the form of keeping yourself distracted as its not always an easy thing to do. Plus as you say it so well, the other alternative is worse, so good job on keeping yourself mentally distracted!
Then it is no goal for June! I hope you can have some nice things to do along the way as the month goes by.
These are all powerful sayings, great to live by. I like how they shows acceptance, authenticity and courage which are 3 really important values – or at least thats how I understand them, I dont know if they mean the same to you?
Take care and thanks for checking in and letting us know how youre doing!
@LinearWaves I guess I set my sights somewhat high some times. I should probably be more reasonable. Thank you for the reminder. I don't want to want anything anymore. But what I want doesn't really matter. And yes that's exactly how I interoperate the sayings expect the last one, I would say it also includes drudging on as well as courage. Thank you again.
@LinearWaves
1) How are you doing today?
I'm doing okay. I didn't leave my room really today, and I didn't do anything productive. I hope to do more tomorrow.
2) What is/will be the highlight and the downside of the day?
The highlight of the day is drinking some meal replacement drinks so that I am at least getting complete nutrition. The downside of the day is feeling so drained and tired and feeling a lack of direction in life.
3) What goal/focus/objective(s) do you want to set for June?
The goal for me is just to keep having my meal replacement drinks so that I am getting the nutrition I need. That's a good baseline to build up my health again.
4) If you had to make a motto (to describe yourself for example, or anything), what would it be?
My motto would be to keep breathing.
@Brynn9
Hey there Brynn ! Its good to hear youre doing okay! It sounds nice that youre planning on doing more tomorrow after today, although its very okay not to do anything productive when youre not feeling like it or when you have nothing productive to do anyway!
Its good to hear youre focusing on getting complete nutrition thanks to drinking meal replacements (although –if its possible for you of course- its best not to only use meal replacement drinks for all/most your meals during the day, I dont know if its something you do but I thought it was worth mentioning it just in case!) and that you will keep that focus for the month ahead for building up your health again!
Im sorry though to hear youre feeling so drained, tired and lacking direction in your life. These can be challenging feelings and I certainly hope doing more tomorrow and also focusing on nutrition for energy, can be helpful. Is lacking direction a feeling that has been bothering you for long?
Thats a great motto! It reminds me of a quote that helped me through really tough times: And if all you did today is breathe in and out, thats okay. Youre doing your best so, for now, to hell with the rest.
Take care and thanks for checking in!
@LinearWaves
1) How are you doing today?
Does all over the place count? I've had moments of utter sadness and rejection. Moments of triumph. Moments of shame and disgust as my recent cutting scars were seen by a therapist (and I was interrogated by her). Moments of pain (since the marks are so fresh...and so plentiful and deep this time). Moments of anger and sadness and victory as I help with the protests (the peaceful ones only). Moments of anxiety as I think about returning to the Covid floor tomorrow. Moments of ecstasy as I got to see one of my best friends for the first time in 2 months!
2) What is/will be the highlight and the downside of the day?
HIghlight was seeing my friend and being with her. Downside was therapy....and feeling like a failure and being interrogated about my wounds and being scared of what she will do.
3) What goal/focus/objective(s) do you want to set for June?
Hmmm....good one. I cut the first 3 days.....I want to be free the last 27 days. I also want to keep focusing on extra exercise and trying to miss as many meals as I can.....I want to lose at least 8 pounds by July 1.
4) If you had to make a motto (to describe yourself for example, or anything), what would it be?
My mantra when the abuse is bad or my anxiety overtakes me. I repeat this during a panic attack or when I'm feeling uncertain or even while I'm being beaten or ridiculed.
"I am stronger than I think, braver than I feel, and more capable than I believe. I have inherent worth and am capable of being loved. I control my choices and nobody can take away who I am inside"
@FigureskatingEquestrian
Hey there ! Its good to hear from you !
All over the place definitely counts, although it sounds quite challenging and tiring to go through so such a rollercoaster of emotions. I really like how there are very strong positive ones, despite the bad ones and that youre also giving important to them.
I can definitely understand how therapy, being interrogated and having to show your scars, made you feel like a failure, especially added to the recent self-harm after having been clean for a long time. I feel for you and Id really like to say how strong you are! You have a lot going on, you are involved with very important causes and doing good around you, all while trying your best to manage everything, the anxiety, the abuse, the urges, the whole situation; that doesnt look like a failure at all to me! It always inspire me to see how strong and generous you are!
These are amazing goals for June, especially for wanting to be clean for the remaining days of the month, do you have coping mechanisms youd like to try to turn to if feeling urges?
As for the missing meals part, be careful with that please <3 I know it looks like a fast way to lose weight but it can get quite bad for the long term and create more problems than solving any. Biologically speaking, it also makes you lose muscle first, not any fat, which can end up making you feel really tired (in addition to the lack of energy it brings) and making exercising (and just everything) harder and thus less effective. Im sorry for being such a killjoy but I thought it was really worth mentioning!
This is a really empowering mantra! I hope you can also remind yourself of your worth and strength when feeling like a failure (which again, you definitely arent!)
Take care, thanks for checking in and letting us know how youve been doing!
