Self-Harm Recovery Weekly Check In: Saturday, July 13th, 2019
Happy Saturday every-amazing-one! I have really missed you all 
How are you feeling today? :)
How has this week been for you? Is there anything you would like to share about it? :)
I am just really curious what is going on in your world. Do you have anything you would like to share? :)
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@redmark Hey How are you? It's always nice to see you.
I'm sorry I kind of feel like I'm pouncing on this thread. I just wanted to say hey - I hope you have a good weekend.
Take care.
Hey there @mytwistedsoul *offering safe hugs* (just in cae, no pressure)
It is always really awesome to hear from you around here!
I do not mind you "pouncing" on this thread, I have missed you as well. I do hope that you are doing well lately and that you do have a good wekend :)
Also, of course, any songs? :)
Either way, I am always really glad to hear from you ^-^
Stay awesome!
@redmark Hey
Idk - Good and bad days - ya know?
Found a new group - Idk maybe you've heard of them. Flight Paths - I like most of their stuff. Motion and Side affects and False Disguises are 2 of my favorites.
Take care - Have a great weekend
@mytwistedsoul You know what, I do listen to a lot of music playing in the background on Youtube and on Spotify and I am pretty sure that this band is one of those bands that I have run into like once and then I have never checked there name and never found again. I mean, I am not sure but they sure do remind me of a band like that. Either way, I do really love their music :)
Also, I know that these songs are usually a way as well to just express the way you feel, and, if anything, I want you to know that I am really glad that I have got to know you, the real you disguises aside. No pressure tho, but it is really nice to have you around here. ^-^
@redmark
Hi redmark! I am feeling weird today. The day started well, I even went out on a date and had fun. Now I don't know, very dark thoughts are approaching. I have invited a friend tonight for an apero, I thought we could go and see the fireworks as it is national holiday tomorrow here in France. But I don't feel like doing this anymore. I want and need to be alone. At the same time I fear I may end up drinking and subsequently self-harming. I still have to figure out a different way of coping when I get to such an overwhelming state.
Hey there @admaiorasemper *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
We are really glad to have you here with us!
I am really glad to hear that you have had such a nice day today! ^-^
Of course, I know that these dark thoughts can really pounce on you when you least expect them. I am not sure why, I think our mind does not like changes and it is just really against it overall. Also, socializing is hard and really exhausting. I think you do deserve a break but, of course, you do not need to do all this alone. I wonder if there might be like a middle way. Stay at home and watch those fireworks with your friend - or in the TV, or whatever - without going out into the usual crowd. Or just totally ditch the fireworks, if your friend is okay with it, and do whatever you may feel comfortable with. Maybe just chattig with a friend.
I mean, I know it is very hard and there are setbacks and, honestly, it is okay to relapse. Like, the fact that you may relapse is probably the clearest sign there is that you are really trying hard to break out of this. If you would not do so it would not be a "relapse" just an other day. What I am trying to say is that just do not be too hard on yourself either way and see if there is something, some middle of the road solution, that may work for you for tomorrow for example. :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark
Thanks for your words. I ended up going out with my friend, we had sushi. It was fun. At the same time, I just wanted to go home and be alone and do whatever soothes me, even if it's wrong.
I really like your perspective on relapse.
@redmark hi!
How are you feeling today?
I feel ok. I actually took care of myself, and even if I did go to my aunt's today (to help with moving and building furniture for her new apartment), I felt like I shouldn't be there and it was too stressful, so I jumped on my bike and rode it to my grandma to play cards instead, while my parents helped my aunt. That was self-care for me today. I needed to not be there, even if she wasn't drunk and naked again (like she was the last two times this week my family visited her to help her get settled in her new apartment).
I just had a hard time coping with her being drunk out of her mind and saying hurtful things to my grandma and cousin. She is an alcoholic, and apparently she can't even keep sober when we have planned (together) for us to visit her. Apparently it's effecting me a lot more than I thought it did.
So I have had a very long week, a stressful one. I have laied in my bed the last two days and just slept, bc I was so stressed by all the things happening (my sister's party and my aunt moving - and being drunk). So I'm just trying to do some self-care and keep my eating on a minimum (as that makes me less stressed). I think I just need to sleep a while and then I'll be fine. I hope. Bc I'm starting a new job at August the 1st, and I have to be destressed and focused at that time. So I'm gonna work out every day, and hopefully get a little more relaxed.
How has this week been for you? Is there anything you would like to share about it?
My week has been absolutely crazy. Between my sister's party, visiting and cleaning for my grandma and moving for my aunt I have had little time to myself (or at least that's what it feels like) and I have been very stressed out. I had to cancel my appointment with my mentor, as I just couldn't get out of bed. I was shaking like crazy and my voices was louder than ever (yes, I'm a schizofrenic too) and I just couldn't function.
I had to take a self care day, as I have been on it from saturday to thursday (not monday though). But my mentor is visiting on thuesday, so everything is good, I just needed some time. Hopefully it will be good again. At least I haven't self harmed, that's good right? I think it is. I mean I still eat all too little and work out like crazy, but I'm not cutting.
And I'm still getting crazy angry, bc my aunt is hurting everybody by acting like she does, but I'm working through that. At least she wasn't drunk today. But I really need a long bikeride tomorrow, I didn't work out at all today except from a 4.7 km bikeride from my aunt to my grandma's apartment.
Hey there @EvilRegalsReadToo *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am really glad to hear that you have got to find some time for self-care. It does sound like you have had a really long week and I think it is important to find some time for yourself to just relax and recharge and get a little bit of a break and visiting your grandmother does sound like a really nice way to do so.
I am sorry to hear about your aunt tho. I mean, it is always said when someone has an addiction and you do see the effect it has on them and, also, I think anger is a justifyable response as well especially it turns them to act like that. I am just sorry you have to deal with that but I am really happy to hear that you have been able to get that break from it and leave it for your family for that day. These things sadly do have a really big effect on the people around the addicted person - and it is okay, whichever way you feel, your feelings are valid and it is important that you express them, at least here, and I am glad that you have decided to share it with us. :)
Some good sleep sounds like a good plan after such a week for sure. I do hope that you will get some time for yourself to really just recharge and get all that well deserved rest before starting at your new work. I do understand that you are looking forward to that as well it sure can be nice to have a job and a place to get away from home a little bit - even if you are going there to work - and something that just gives you some structure to your days ^-^
Also, that party of your sister, while sounds fun, I can imagine had to be really draining and just overall hard to attend. I do hope that you will be able to catch up soon with your mentos this coming week as well as really just get some nice rest to catch up with sleep and generally just calm down a little bit and get back a little bit more into control of your own emotions and thoughts for yourself :)
I am really proud of you for being so strong and through all this craziness you have stayed clean of self-harm. I can imagine it had to be really hard but you have done absolutely amazing job and you were very strong to resist those urges. Hopefully now, with that visit from your mentor you will have the opportunity to de-stress as well :)
You know, I am not sure how this whole situation is going on in your family, but I think you have every right to be angry at your aunt for the way she has decided to act and I wonder if it is possible to somehow decrase your exposure to that - or maybe just completely ask your family to take this over from you, or at least some of it so you will be less exposed to this trigger? - I mean, if possible.
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark thank you for the nice comment. I feel like I can justify being angry now. Or at least express that in here. I just feel sooo frustrated with the situation, but it's not really something I can "not do". But the good news is that we are not visiting her again in near future, as my parents finished whatever was needed for her to be settled at her new appartment.
So... I'm not going to see her in a long time, we only wanted to help her get settled and that's that. So I'm not exposed to her addiction anymore, and I'm glad. I don't wanna see her anymore, as long as she acts stupid and my family feels the same way. If she keeps drinking, she is not going to see us anymore, or at least we don't wanna see her, when she is drinking, bc I hate when she drinks :S And my grandma gets so angry at her, when she does it when we are visiting.
So yes, it's possible to not get exposed to her behavior and addiction, as she is now settled and can do whatever she wants. I'm not going to see her anymore, if she keeps drinking. But she has been an alcoholic since I was little, so I don't think she will ever stop. Guess I will see her at her furnural or something :S
And it's really sad, bc as a child I loved my aunt, but as I realized she was an alcoholic, a lot of stuff from my childhood made sence. Why she sometimes smelled, why she suddently had a hard time walking, why she wasn't visiting when she said she would, why my grandma always was angry at her :3
But good thing is that I didn't cut at all, but I can't say I have been truly clean from self harming, as I have been starving myself quite a lot the last week and a half :(