Self-Harm Recovery Weekly Check In: Saturday, November 2nd, 2019
Happy Saturday every-amazing-one! I am really happy to hear from you once again. 
How are you feeling today? :)
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
Have you got to practice any self-care lately? Do you maybe have something planned? :)
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@redmark
I am doing good. I was bale to practice self-care today and last night. I also hung out with my family yesterday.
This week was stressful, but I made it :)
Hey there @PurpleSnail *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to have you here with us!
I am sorry for my late reply here, I have had some complications with a dentist appointment >.<
I am really glad to hear that you are doing good and that you have got to practice self-care and got to spend some time with your family especially after such a stressful week :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
Thanks for the reply! Hope everything went well at the dentist office 
Hi @redmark
Today I am feeling very weird, my mood keeps changing every minute and it is all getting very exausting and confusing. I am also dealing with some difficult feelings as shame and self-disappointement. My week has been... weird too. I am having a hard time again with concentration. I cannot read a book, writing is not easy and even driving is getting challenging.
I have been practising self-care a bit more often lately. I like journaling, writing stories or poems, or doing some arts or crafting. Right now I am very tired, so I think tonight I will simply be enjoying Netflix's company.
I want to say that you are always very kind and supportive to anyone that writes here. Your words surely have a big impact and make a different for many people. And I think you should also get the chance to check-in... if you want to... so:
How are you feeling today? :)
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
Have you got to practice any self-care lately? Do you maybe have something planned? :)
Hey there @admaiorasemper *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to have you here with us!
I am sorry for my late reply, I have had some complications with my dentist appointment today >.<
Oww, I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tough week. Going through such an emotional roller coaster sure does sound really exhausting especially while you are dealing with such strong feelings like shame. I mean, I know it will not just make those feelings go away magically, but still, I want you to know that I am really proud of you for being so strong. I have seen you around helping other in spite all that you are going through and that truly is inspiring and I just think you are pretty awesome :)
Writing is just such an amazing way to practice self-care. One of my go-to things when I am dealing with strong feelings is to try to write them out in a poem as well and I am glad to hear that it does help you as well. Of course, after such a tough week, you do deserve some time to just relax and recharge with some Netflix :)
Aww...thank you, I am glad to hear that I might be helpful for some people. Really, it can be it's own reward, just knowing that I might be helping someone going through such tough things. :)
I...uhm...well, my week was rather boring. I also have mentioned my dentist appointment today. My teeth are in really bad shape but for today it was planned to just finish up two that we have started previously so just a quick and easy one but I have had some inflammation going on so we could not do that so instead I have got an other tooth removed that could not be saved aaand...well, it took some more time to recover from that than I have originally expected for today.
But, that's it, for self-care I am just allowing my mouth to heal for now and trying to take good care of it also I have got some antibiotics now which are...tough, but I need them, so I go with them and, once again, I just try to take good care of myself. :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
Thank you for you kind words
Uh I am sorry to hear about those complications... I still remember the pain I was in after exctracting two of my wisdom teeth a few years ago... and yes, the antibiotics' side effects are not always nice... Hang in there as you already doing, in a few days you will feel much better.
Stay amazing just as you are!
@redmark
Just thought to ask you if you are feeling better :)
I have found a funny meme about teeth's extraction and I am sooooooo tempted to post it... can I can I can I can I? :)
Hey there @admaiorasemper *hugs*
Feel free to post it :)
I am getting better, slowly but surely, thank you for asking :)
@redmark
Here it comes....
I don't know why I find this so hilarious... perhaps it is because I did look like that at the time!
@redmark
It's been almost 2 years now. I should be proud but all I feel is shame. It was 11 years before that. I'm in a different place now and I still have the thoughts. I've learned how to cope better though. I would like to talk with someone. I can't really afford to see my therapist and I've had trouble with some listeners on here. Thanks for listening.
Hi @RedHawk6547
I am so sorry to hear you had bad experiences with listeners... I had some too, unfortunately not all of them are able to deal with topics as self-harm. Perhaps choosing a listener using the filter and selecting 'self-harm' as topic in which they feel comfortable may help next time. We are also here to listen to you and support you, please let us know if there is anything we can do to better help you.
I also understand your feelings of shame. You are probably comparing your two years to the previous eleven and regret relapsing. But relapses can happen and they do not take your progress away. I am proud of you.
Perhaps your shame also comes from the fact that you still have thoughts of sh. And I want to reassure you that this is also very normal and doesn't mean you are weak or anything like that. You are not your thoughts. Thoughts arrive, you see them, you register them, and then you choose whether to act on them or not. And again, I am very proud of you for not acting on them. I would encourage you to be both compassionate and curious about them: to explore why they are present, what triggers them.
Self-harm often becomes an addiction, and even when we overcome an addiction, thoughts can be present. I know it is not the same thing, but to give you an example: my father was a smoker for more than twenty years. He quit something like nearly forty years ago. However, he said that especially after a coffee he still often feels the desire of smoking. But he doesn't. Hope you can see what I mean :)
Hey there @RedHawk6547 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. Recovery is really tough and I can understand that feeling of doubt and even shame at times but I do not think there is really anything to be ashamed of. Recovery, in a sense, is developing better coping mechanisms, healthier ways to deal with those urges. At least it is for me. I would lie if I would say I do not have any urges anymore.
I think the fact that you are able to resist those urges and just and be clean for years now shows how amazing of a job you have done with recovery. I mean, I am really proud of you for being so strong and I think it is something that you should be proud of as well. I know tho that just me saying this will not make all those feelings of shame go away and it is okay, your feelings are valid and important and so are you but I just want you to know that I think all that you have already done, all that progress you have made is just really amazing and so are you :)
I know this is nott he same, but we are here for you no matter what. I am a member as well so we can only communiate here but if there is anything we might be able to help you around here or you would just like to vent we are here for you. We can get through this together, I believe in it anyway and I definitely believe in you :)
Stay strong and awesome!