Self-Harm Recovery Weekly Check In: Saturday, October 12th, 2019
Happy Saturday every-amazing-one! I am really happy to hear from you once again! 
How are you feeling today? :)
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
Have you got to practice any self-care lately? Do you have anything planned maybe? :)
So, as a little note, I will have an other dentist appointment this next Saturday so I might only be able to post next week's check-in on Sunday, depending how it goes. Either way tho, do not panic if you do not see a check-in from me on Saturday, you cannot get rid of me this easily :P
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@redmark
Hi awesome red!
I have had quite a difficult week to be honest. I had to take a few psychological tests as recommended by my psichiatrist, and that was very challenging and exausting. I also felt badly triggered by my therapist here on the site and I am once again questioning if this therapeutical relationship is healthy. But I am feeling better today. I am going out soon, do some grocery shopping with my daughters, then possibly a walk int he forest. As for self-care, I am planning to read this evening. I haven't been able to do that for months due to difficulties in focusing, but it seems it is coming back.
How was your week?
I wish you a lovely and awesome weekend
Hey there @admaiorasemper *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am sorry to hear that you have had such a tough week.
I remember that when I have had to do some tests like that it was really stressful as well and, also, hard since it really can like hit too close to home sometimes. I am really proud of you for going through with those tests tho as I can imagine that it had to be really tough for you :)
I am also sorry to hear about that experience you have had with your therapist here. I am wondering if you can maybe give some sort of a feedback about this with her and just discuss your doubts. I mean, often it happens that we do not realize how big of a weight some words we say can hold for someone else and how hard it may hit them. I mean, of course, for a therapist it may be less expected but it might be possible that they might not realized it and they have not meant it.
EIther way tho, I hope that you will have a nice weekend. It does sound really nice at least. Just spending time with your loved ones and also going for a good walk in the fresh air sounds like a really nice way to just recharge a little bit. Also, I do hope that you will get to read as well, as it can be just such a nice way to just get lost in a good book and forget about averything else for a little bit :)
My week acutally has been rather uneventful and boring even - which is really nice for a change actually. Thank you for asking :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark thank you for your words and your support
@redmark hi!
How are you feeling today? :)
I'm actually feeling energized today! I have been sleeping my days away these last few days, but now I'm awake and energized and ready for anything. I actually feel quite great right now.
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
I have had a ok week. I have been really tired, but I feel like I'm back now. I have just talked to my mentor about getting my own appartment, and I can have that in 2 months! It's gonna be great to get away from my manipulating and dominating mother. I'm looking forward to have control over my life again. I haven't self harmed since sunday, and I hope I can keep it that way.
I have had a few kind of panicattacks, where I felt like I was evil, but I have refraint from self harming, even though I was sure I deserved it.
Have you got to practice any self-care lately? Do you have anything planned maybe? :)
I'm looking forward to a bubblebath on monday, but other than that not much.
Hey there @EvilRegalsReadToo *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am really glad to hear that you are feeling great. It can be just such an amazing feeling to finally feel energized like that and I do hope that you will have a nice weekend! :)
Oh....moving out does actually sound pretty exciting. Although, kind of tough as well at first but it does definitely sounds likea good goal to have to move out soon-ish. I am happy to hear that you do have your mentor's help on that as well and I do hope that things will work out as you have planned. It can really be just such an important thing to have that sort of control over your own life and just have negative people out of your personal place :)
I am sorry to hear about those panic attacks tho, I know those can be tough but I am really proud of you for staying so strong and not self harming, you are doing a really amazing job :)
A bubble bath does definitely sounds like a nice way to practice self-care :)
Stay awesome!
I'm doing alright today. This week has had its ups and downs. I'm finding it really hard to get motivated lately. I know there are things I need to do and I'll feel better about once I do them, but I cant seem to do anything about it. I'm just procrastanating a lot more than usual which makes me feel bad. I've been stressed about the amount of things I need to do and I know if I stop putting it off I'll feel better and I know I should do it but I dont know why I keep putting it off and I'm just so frustrated with myself. Its been about two weeks since I cut, I have self injured in small ways but I'll take the victories even if they're small. I did some mindfullness meditation earlier this week and I liked it a lot I plan on going back to it.
Hi @fairmindedRaspberries1389
I am really glad to hear you're doing ok! You are very right at celebrating every victory. It is very important to recognise our strenght and be our own personal cheerleader.
You mention procrastinating things and feeling a bit frustrated about this. I wonder if perhaps writing down a to-do list may help? Sometimes seeing that we can slowly mark things off gives a sense of satisfaction and achievement that propels us further
Hey there @fairmindedRaspberries1389 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to have you here with us!
I am glad to hear that you are doing alright :)
Oww, it can certainly be tough when you do lack motivation like that. Something that has helped me to just try to break everything down to the smallest possible steps I could find and just try to take it one step at a time. And, of course, after every step trying to acknowledge that I have taken a step to the right direction rather than just looking around and think about how much to is left out there letting myself have this little sort of feeling of acomplishment. I mean, it might sounds stupid but things like this helped me keep going and motivated in a way :)
Also, I am really proud of you for being two weeks free of self-harm. You are doing a really good job :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark I am a little over 6 months clean! Wow. Im so proud of me. It gets better everyone! I dont care if youre 2 days clean or 2 years clean or however long youve been clean: Im proud of you!
@LoveableLesbian and I am really proud of you! 6 months is great (added a bit of colour to properly celebrate!), well done!
Hey there @LoveableLesbian *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really awesome to hear from you around here!
Wow, 6 months! That is awesome, I am really proud of you for being so strong and I am so happy to hear that your recovery is going so well :)
Stay awesome!
@LoveableLesbian
Edit: I'M 7 MONTHS CLEAN!!!!!
@LoveableLesbian Hey that's wonderful Congratulations!
@LoveableLesbian
YEAAAAH :)
@LoveableLesbian
EDIT: APRIL 1ST IS ONE YEAR
@redmark Hey Red - how are you?
I'm glad you're keeping up with the dentist. I'm really proud of you!
Been having a rough time lately - messed up big time over the weekend. Had to get outside help to fix it. Feeling pretty ashamed for being so stupid.
Have a good week Red - Good luck with your appointment. Take care
@mytwistedsoul
J. there is nothing to be ashamed of... Something happened, you realised you needed help and went and got it. That doesn't sound stupid at all to me.
As you always say... be gentle with yourself, you deserve it so much
@admaiorasemper Thank you - the stupidity comes from putting myself in that position in the first place.
I'm trying to be gentle - I hope you'll be gentle with yourself too
@mytwistedsoul
SH has nothing to do with being stupid, I know you know this deep down <3
You'd never think I were stupid, if I were to tell you that what happened to you had happened to me as well... would you?
*hug* if that is ok
Hey there @mytwistedsoul *offering safe hugs* (just in case, no pressure)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
Thank you. I suppose starting it was the hardest for me...now that I have had this initiail mostly positive impression I am less anxious now. Although, still anxious but, you know, not as bad as I was.
I am sorry to hear that you have had such a hard weekend tho. I do not feel like there is anything to be ashamed of tho. I know that the urges sometimes can just be overwhelming but I am really proud of you for reaching out for help after and that you are reaching out to us here as well now :)
I know it is tough, but I want you to know that you are not alone in this and together we can get through this. I believe in you. Just take it one step at a time and do not be so hard on yourself :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark I could use that hug actually - thank you.
I can understand still feeling anxious even after the first visit. It's not like it suddenly goes away. I just really think it's great that you're sticking with it.
Thank you - Idk - forgive me for sounding so negative - but sometimes I feel like I'm just destined for failure. I mean - I'm trying but maybe I'm not trying hard enough - Idk. Sorry that sounds kind of negative.
Have a good week Red - thank you - take care
@mytwistedsoul feel free to come and stop by for a hug anytime if you ever feel like it, I am always happy with those :)
I do not think you are being negative. I mean, yes, what you are saying is negative but then again, life is not all rainbows and sunshine.
You know, I understand that we all advertise ourselves as this succesful, happy and content person all the time but, the truth is, we all do have our insecurities, we both mess up from time to time and it is totally okay and sharing these moments as well as the happy ones, this is what makes a relationship special - even just through the internet like this. I mean, never be afraid to be "negative" here and share your feelings. We are here for you no matter what!
Still tho, do not be too hard on yourself, I do think that you are making pretty awesome progression and even with these set-backs sometimes I am always really proud of you just to see you grow day by day here :)
Heya @redmark ! Oof, it's been a while since I've been here last. Anyways, I hope you're doing alright.
I'm feeling all over the place today. I'm not overly happy or sad, but I'm not feeling neutral either. It's really confusing because there's so much going on yet I don't feel like laughing or crying either. I'm not sure what I'm feeling, but it's definetly somthing.
My week was okay. I'm doing well in my theory class this year (I was nearly failing last year), however I'm afraid my counterpoint course (studying renaissance music) isn't going so well. I thought about dropping the course but I think I might power through it. If worse comes to worse, I can always re-take it next year. Besides, Counterpoint is supposed to be a 3rd year course, and I'm only in second year. On top of that, the pre-requisite for Counterpoint is Second-year theory, so I sort of expected it to be more difficult.
I asked my crush out this past month. She didn't say no, but I think she's not ready for a relationship yet. That's okay. I told her that she can take as much time as she wants and that I am ready whenever she is. We're still on very good terms, but I think she's comfortable being regular friends only, which is perfectly fine with me.
Other than that, I'm doing much better this year than I was at this point last year. I'm actually going to class and I'm handing in my assignments on time (even if they arren't perfect). I'm also making lots of new friends! I recently decided to give that Pokemon Go game a try and it's pretty neat :)
As far as self harming goes, I've had a few urges within the past month, however my sister took away my tools. I haven't been able to hurt myself since which is great, but it can be a tad frustrating in the moment, especially when I'm super upset.
Anyways, I hope all goes well at the dentist for you. See you around I suppose! Take care!
Hey there @CentreMid *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
It can take some time to just process all the emotions and thoughts when life really just gets so busy. I think that might be a sort of self-defense mechanism as well to just help you get you through these really busy, crazy times. Bad part is that it can really just come crushing down on you once you are about to catch your breath... Well, at least in my experience anyways.
Oh, that sounds like a lot og things. I mean, I am really happy to hear that your theory classes are going well for you. I suppose it can really make a big difference to just be in a different mindset and be able to hit the ground running and just keep up with it :)
On the other hand, I won't lie, renaissance music sounds kind of interesting, but I can imagine that it can be really tough as well. Especially given that you do not have all the pre-requisites yet to it. I mean, I am sure that you will be able to get it done - if not this year then in the next year when you will have all the pre-requisite knowledge to it :)
That is a really good first step I think that she has not said no. I mean, I am really happy to hear about it and it certainly is exciting when you are able to get closer to your crush. I do hope that after some time she will be ready to give it a try and, until now, you do still have eachother, so there is no hurry at all. :)
I am really proud of you for doing so well with your studies. I can imagine that it has to be tough to keep up with all of it but you are doing a really good job so far. Also, I am really glad to hear that you are making new friends as well. I have actually missed Pokemon Go! but I am glad that you do enjoy it so far :)
I think it is a big step to give up your tools - one way or an other. I mean, it sure gives this sort of feeling of safety that you know that you can turn to this coping mechanism - even though you know that it is unhealthy. I am glad to hear that you are making such an amazing progress with this as well :)
Stay strong and awesome!
How are you feeling today? :)
Meh. In pain and tired. Nothing unusaul. (Note: sorry, I changed the text to red. It is my favorite color)
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
This week has been the same as always. Fall break was last week so both Yay and No. Yay, because I could take a break. I love school though. No, because more time with abusers. Relapsed a couple of days ago. So much for my 2 months of progress.
Have you got to practice any self-care lately? Do you have anything planned maybe? :)
Nothing really. I haven't had the time. Although, we are going to a Three Days Grace concert in November. So, YAY!!!! I would list everyone if I could remember, band - wise, who will be there. I am so dang excited!! For once, I will be able to sing at the top of my lungs and no one will care or notice. Is anyone else here going?
Anyway, good luck with your appointment @redmark!! Everyone have wonderfull weeks!! :)
Hey there @aiko123 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am sorry to hear that you are in pain. I do hope that you will get better soon! (Also, feel free to change the colors, don't worry about that :) )
Oh....fall break can sure be sort of a double edged sword. I mean, it is certainly nice to take a braek from school and have more time for yourself but, of course, at the same time I can imagine that being home for such a long time can be really tough as well. I am sorry to hear about that relapse but I do believe taht one relapse will not just take away and nullify all that progress you have made in two months. I mean, relapses happen but it cannot take away all that hard work you have put into your recovery already and all that you have learned so far :)
Oh...that concert sounds really exciting. I do not remember when was the last time I have listened to a Three Days Grace song but I might just go for it now :P
I do hope that you will have an amazing time on that concert in November either way! :)
Thank you, I hope it will not come down luck but the dentist will know what they are doing :P
Stay awesome!
@redmark
Lots of ups and downs, like today, I was really excited since I had a date planned with the guy I have a crush on, but he's in the middle of moving so things came up a couple of hours before. So frustrating cause we can basically only see each other on Mondays right now.
Anyway, I'm keeping with my habit of going for an hour and a half bike ride everyday. It lowers my stress level and physically exhausts me so I'm less likely to go crazy when stress gets too much anyway. It's the only way of selfcare I can get myself to do.
Hey there @Madaraismyspiritanimal *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
Oww, I am sorry to hear that, it does sound frustrating that something has just popped up like that at the last minute. Moving can sure be quite hectic but I do hope that you will be able to find some time for eachother with your crush and that, after he is done with moving, you will just be able to have a better schedule spending more time with one another :)
Exercise is a really good way to practice self-care. I mean, it is not only good for you mentally as you can get to just work all that stress out of your system but it can also have health benefits as well. Well, given that you do not push yourself too much but I do hope that you are taking good care of yourself, I do trust you :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
First of all, I wanna thank you for always being hearing and replying to as many posts as you're able and making people feel heard and understood ,you're awesome 😊
I'm trying to stay patient and not get annoyed, but it's hard when I just want to see him. It also doesn't help that I get frustrated with myself for feeling annoyed with my crush , cause I know he doesn't mean for it to go this way, but I also don't help myself by beating myself up over the feelings I have 🤷♂️
I know exercise is a good selfcare activity, but some of my feelings need a more delicate approach to be processed properly, and I just can't find the patience to do that right now. But I'm trying to be kind to myself and look at the things I am able to do 🙂
@redmark
Life kind of sucks right now. Everyhing is falling apart, and I don't know what to do. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and die. I want to cut and i feel horrible thinking about that. I just hate everything right now and i feel like life would be better off without me. That being said I am not going to do anything. But everything is just kind of miserable. I don't know what to do anymorre. I can't talk to any of the staff at my school about any of it, and " it's inappropriate to vent to your friends about your issues" accoring to my school so that totally AWESOME*laced with extra sarcasm. my friend wasn't at schoool today and she left early yeesterday. She told me yesterday that she wants to die. I hope shes ok. I hope she didn't do anything. I like someine alot, but she has a boyfriend, and she likes me too. The only thing is that She diesn't like her BF so..... She talks about me alot. I really like her. I'm Bi curious. Wow thats really the first time ive said that before. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I feel like it isnt worth living, but im obviously here for a reason. Don''t mond all the spelling mistakes, im too lazy to fix them so.... Feel free to respond in anyway, and I hope what I am saying connects with some of you who read it and maybe I can help a little bit.
Hey there @BandNerd1002 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to have you here with us!
Oww, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like that. I understand that it can just feel so overwhelming sometimes. I can ensure you tho that the world would not be a better place without you - or, at least, we would really miss you around here. I mean, I can see that you are really strong tho and resisting all those urges and thoughts and I am really proud of you for that but I want you to know that you are not alone in this, we are here with you! :)
I do not understand why it would be inappropriate to vent to your friends about your issues. That is a part of being friends with someone and also, in school especially, it would be important to encourage students to have an open discussion about their feelings and mental state. At least, I feel like it could just help a lot of people, especially at that age and telling to people to just bottle up since espcially a bad idea. Either way tho, I hope that your friend is alright - maybe she just needed some time for herself and to just recharge a little bit :)
Love is always tough, especially when there are 3 people involved like that. I am honestly not the best when it comes to any sort of romantic relationship or giving advice about them but it may be worth to talk about this with her. I mean, of course, you know your situation the best and if you feel like that is not an option right now then there is absolutely no pressure :)
You know, I am an optimistic person, naive even sometimes but I understand and know that sometimes those waves can just come crushing down on you as you are trying to just get some air in the stormy sea of life. You are really not alone out there, we are here and if it makes it any easier for you to vent we are always happy to hear from you and if there is anything we may be able to help you with we are always here for you. I mean, even with all those waves, it is easier to sail those seas together and get to some calmer waters, or so I have learned and I am glad that you have decided to reach out to us here as a first step :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
Thank you so much. Today was a lot better. I got rid of my writer's blosk. I feel like I am good at someting and it feels amazing. My friend still isn't at school, but i still hope that she is ok. But I have my creative juices flowing rn and writinh is so easy. and it feels really good!