Self-Harm Recovery Weekly Check In: Saturday, September 14th, 2019
Hello every-amazing-one! Another week has passsed and I cannot wait to hear from you all again! 
How are you feeling today? :)
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
What is your favourite self-care activity? Have you got to practice it lately?
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Hi @redmark ! I hope you're doing well
I'm not doing the best. I'm starting to relapse... again again... whatever. I get it, it's all part of the recovery process, but it's super annoying and frustrating when it happens. I can feel myself slipping already. I just hope this doesn't last too long. Sometimes my relapses just drop after a few days and eveerything is back to (relatively) normal, other times they can last up to a couple of weeks.
My soccer team and I got knocked out of the playoffs this evening. We were tied 1-1 and we lost during penalty kicks, and I'm super salty about it. We've worked so hard these past few seasons only to end up losing to the second-last place team.
Anyways, I should probably go to bed soon. I've got a busy day ahead of me. Take care :)
Hey there @CentreMid *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
Yeah, relapses can be quite furstrating. I mean, you know it and I know it that it is part of the recovery process but, of course, that does not ever invalidates your feelings. I know that this whole recovery process is just really tough and oftentimes a furstrating journey but I do really want you to know that you are not alone in this and if there is anything we may be able to help you or you would just like to vent we all are here for you anytime. :)
Penalty kicks are just soo stressful. I mean, I suppose it really just comes down to this once you have been through the normal play time and the additional minutes to it but still, I am sorry to hear that you have got knocked out like that. On the other hand, penalties are like 50% skill and 50% luck so I know it is tough to lose like that but it is really just one of those things that may not always be indicative of a team's skills fully. Well, at least in my opinion, I am not exactly that big of a soccer buff, but, still, I have watched some games :)
Anyhow, I hope you have had a good night's sleep :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark Hey Red - How are you?
Hey there @mytwistedsoul *offering safe hugs* (just in case, no pressure)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am doing okay, just being a bit tired. Thank you for asking. I hope that you are feeling better and having a nice week so far! :)
Stay awesome!
Do not ever hurt yourself to solve a problem. I don't care what it is or what's going on you have to fix that problem within yourself you may can not exactly change your feelings but change you within. Sometimes we go through a lot but right in the middle of the darkness we go through, the answer is right in front of you, and it is too dark and you can
Hey there @incredibleJewel2657 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to have you here with us!
You are right. - Self-harm can certainly be pretty tough to deal with but there is always hope.
At least I do always try to hold on to that hope, to that light that has driven me so far whenever I have to face some hard times, even if sometimes it is hard to find and hard to see that light in the darkness but it sure can help a lot if you are actively looking for it. :)
Of course, you are never alone with it here either, we all are in this together and if there is anything we may be able or you just want to vent we are always here for one another. I think it is important to try your best to look for that light and, while you are here doing so, do not forget that you are just not alone in this :)
Stay awesome!
My week was hella stressful. I'm at work right now and I don't wanna be here at all. I wish I were anywhere else but here. I'm at work feeling triggered and I wanna cut so damn bad and I hate that I can't because i'm at work. I feel like I'm fading away, I'm always so damn exhausted from trying to be more than what I feel. I'm never enough. Never. And I try so hard to be what people need and it's never fucking enough. I hate myself. I wish I could disappear. It's not like anyone needs me around anyway. I just want to sleep and not wake up. I wanna be invisible. I tried to stay clean but it's harder to resist not cutting when it's the only thing that helps. I have no one. Everything just hurts so damn bad. I'm drowning 😭😭😭😭😭
I dont even have the energy to eat. I dont even care to anymore. Even sleep doesn't help.
@BrokenAngelxx
There is always someone. Always. Angels show up in the dirtiest corners. As a fellow struggler I get where you are coming from. I live that. But dont give up. Dont give in. Whatever has caused you that pain dont give it the satisfaction of seeing you cave. Tell it to fuck off and keep going. This is what I tell myself. I hope it encourages you.
@Ivymarie19
Thank you. I've been feeling so overwhelmed all the time. My above post is what happens every time I suppress my feelings for a long period of time. It's been hell for me since I lost my therapist and still haven't found a good one near me. The outpatient clinic has walk in hours so I'll check that out.
I want a new therapist but I'm scared I'll have to go through another four therapists, get attached and then have them refer me elsewhere. This has been happening to me since 2014 and I'm so tired. I feel like I'm losing myself constantly. Like I'm just going through the motions and I'm exhausted. I fake a smile every damn day and the kids I work with go through pretty heavy stuff as well and it makes me feel even worse because I feel like no matter what, I can't help them.
@BrokenAngelxx
To help others always remember that to do so you must first help yourself. It may be difficult but you can do it! Take one step at a time. Speaking as a person who daily struggles with the same thing, I'm here for you! Vent daily dont try to hold everything in. Keep fighting.
Hey there @BrokenAngelxx *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to have you here with us!
...and you know I mean that. It is indeed really nice to hear from you around here. I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time tho. I can understand that sometimes depression and anxiety can come down at us with full force and it really can just feel like drowning. I do want you to know tho that you are not alone in this, you and your feelings are important to us and, indeed, we do love you, we do love to have you around here and I believe that you deserve all the love and care coming your way. I mean, just take things one step at a time for now, do not push yourself to much, try to eat a little and just try to take care of yourself. :)
Of course, if it is really having a such an effect on your life it might be worth to contact a professional but, of course, no pressure. In the meantime we all are here for you. We can get through this together, I believe in you! :)
Stay strong and awesome!
Hi @redmark
I'm new to this community. So... but I'm looking for suggestions for stopping the urge to cut. I've struggled with it for a couple years now. I tried a therapist but it didn't help. Any ideas? Thanks.
Hey there @Ivymarie19 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
Welcome here! We are really glad to have you here with us!
It is a tough question. I mean not self-harming is a thing but getting rid of the urge... I mean, generally, for me the recovery process has meant to find alternatives, healthier coping mechanisms that I can practice whenever this urge hits me and, in all honesty, those urges are still there sometimes. only that I can handle them better now.
I mean, if you want there is a really helpful app called Calm Harm for your phone, which helps you whenever the urge pops up, offering you healthier alternatives.
I am really not sure how to just get rid of the urge tho, I am sorry :(
Probably giving a chance to an other therapist would worth a try. I have a had a really bad experience with my first theraist, like she was just not understanding me but then I have tried again....and again, a few times...and ended up finding someone I feel more comfortable around now.
Of course, we are always here for you as well, if there is anything we may be able to help you with or if you would just like to vent :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark
Thank you. I will try the app and think about giving therapy another go.