Self-Harm Recovery Weekly Check In: Saturday, September 7th, 2019
Happy Saturday every-amazing-one! I am really glad to hear from you once again! 
How are you feeling today? :)
How has this week been for you? Do you have anything you would like to share about it? :)
Have you got to practice self-care lately? Do you have anything planned? :)
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@redmark Hey Red - Just popped in to say Hey. How are you?
Hey there @mytwistedsoul *offering safe hugs* (just in case, no pressure)
It is always raelly nice to have you here with us!
I am, well, still tired but somewhat better. At least I am not in the capital city now surrounded with all the people and also have got some extra sleep. My back really hurts tho, it always does that when I am not getting enough sleep for like a few days. I should be able to just get better tho. Anyhow, sorry for rambling here, it really is my fault at the end of the day for just not getting to bed in time :)
I hope that you are having a good day so far and that you have had a good week :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark I'm glad you're feeling alittle better. I hope with the weekend - you'll be able to rest and relax. I'm sorry to hear your back hurts - the aches and pains seem to add to things don't they?
Feel free to ramble - Red. It helps to talk it out. I don't think these spaces aren't here just for certain people - just my opinion of course. But you should feel free to make use of them too. Idk - I don't think the fault lies anywhere. Sometimes things happen - we get side tracked or involved in something and lose track of time.
Enjoy your time off - Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts.
Thank you for all you do. Take care of yourself
@redmark
Hi awesome red!
I am feeling ok today. At least, I think. My week has felt as a rollercoaster, I went from despair to feeling hyped with no explanation whatsoever. I saw my doctor and went back to the psychiatrist, I am gonna have a blood test on monday and a full psychological assesment soon. Hopefully I will finally get a diagnose and the right meds.
What about you? I read your week wasn't that great. I do hope you will find time for some self-care this weekend
Hey there @admaiorasemper *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really awesome to hear from you around here!
That sure sounds like a tough week. I am glad to hear that you are feeling okay tho. I do hope that all those tests will help you and your doctor to get to the bottom of this and find out the best way to help you with this. I mean, I know it is always that sort of exciting but anxious feeling but I do hope that it will work out :)
Well, I kind of messed up my sleep schedule, getting less sleep that I would need and that kind of kicked of a lot of things soo....somewhat of a tough week. Either way tho, it is the weekend already and now I am just being mostly lazy and recharging, thank you for asking. :)
Sta awesome!
I'm doing ok.
This week went by quick. I started my new full time job yesterday and the teacher really likes me, he said I'm good with the kids.
I have something to share. Today I did the walk for suicide prevention. I normally walk alone, as I have been but this is the first year I've had people walk with me (mom and aunt). So it was an emotional thing because for the past 2 years I self harmed before the walk and this is the first year that I didn't cut before the walk actually took place. I also want to become a certified peer advocate and I got a number for this nonprofit that does those classes downtown in my area every Tuesday.
For self-care, I like to journal and meditate. I'm writing a fanfic right now. I also support the nonprofit, to write love on her arms.
I'd really like to go horseback riding next month
Hey there @BrokenAngelxx *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to have you here with us!
I am glad to hear that you are doing okay. Also, I am just happy to hear that your first day at work has went so well, I know that you were looking forward to this opportunity and it is just nice to hear that it is going well already :)
yay! - I am happy to hear about it and I am just really proud of you. I mean, it sure sounds like these walks are really emotional for you and it has to be such an amazing feeling to share it with someone you love and I am really just proud of you for not self-harming beforehand :)
Also, getting that certificate to be a peer advocate sounds like a really nice plan as well. I know it can be stressful to jump into new things but I am glad to hear that you are making this step now :)
I do like journaling as well but I am just really not consistent with it but is sure is helpful. Also, just writing in general, I have found it can be nice to just write things out, about your day or just the way you feel in story or poem :)
Horseback riding also sounds good although, I won't lie, kind of scary, but I suppose with a well-trained horse and somebody helping you with it it can be really, really nice ^-^
Stay awesome!
@redmark I have been five months clean! Since April 2nd, 2019!!
@LoveableLesbian
5 months! That's amazing, well done!
@admaiorasemper
Thank you!
Hey there @LoveableLesbian *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to hear from you around here!
Five months clean is such an amazing milestone. yay! I am so very proud of you, you are doing an amazing job and making awesome progression ^-^
Stay awesome!
@redmark
*hugs back* Thank you! Im so so proud of myself! It took a lot but I did it!
@redmark
@redmark
@redmark
@redmark
Today was crap... This last week and a half was crap. Everything is crap. And everything sucks so much...
@BandNerd1002
I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time Band... I see you have updtated your thread as well, I am going to write there in more depth. *hugs*
Hey there @BandNerd1002 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
We are really glad to have you here with us!
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like that. It sure can feel like that sometimes, like everything is just against us and nothing is working out. I mean, I know it is a really tough spot to be at but I want you to know that you are not alone in this, we all are here for you. If there is anything we may be able to help you with or you would just like to vent, we all are here with you.
Together we can get through this, I believe in you! :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark
Thank you. Im less than 24 hours now. But oh well. Who cares anyway..
@BandNerd1002
We do
@BandNerd1002 We care. I mean, not about numbers or clean streaks or what not, but about you. Never ever forget that you and your feelings are always important and do matter. :)
I know it can be tough at times but I know that you are trying your best, even just reaching out here to us, I am really proud of you and I want you to know that I believe in you, you can get through this and we all are here with you to help if we can.
@redmark
I don't wanna retype everything i typed on my own thread so..... but it sums up how i feel today so..... Everything is still crap and nobody actually cares. They all say that they do but nobody really does.
@redmark Hey Red - I hate bothering you during the week because I know you have work - I know you're dealing with your own things. Someone suggested though - that you wouldn't mind my reaching out. I mean - I know you say you don't mind if we do during the week. Idk - anxiety says don't be a pain. I just need to make a confession of sorts I guess.
I have been harming - ever since I slipped and fell off the wagon. I can't seem to get it under control. I've been hiding it from my therapist and pretending everything is ok. Idk - I try not to - but if I'm honest - completely honest - I'm not trying hard enough. Idk - I'm just having a hard time dealing with everything in my life - which I know isn't really a good excuse. It's just really hard to not fall back into those old coping habits. There again - no excuse. Idk - I just needed to get this off my chest.
I'm sorry for bothering you with this - but - thank you for listening. Take care Red - stay awesome.
Hey there @mytwistedsoul *offering safe hugs* (no pressure, just in case)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
It does sound like you are going though a lot right now, I am sorry to hear about it but I also want to thank you for trusting me and sharing it with me here, it really means a lot for me, I know it has had to be tough for you! :)
I mean, you are definitely not bothering me but I can understand that feeling of anxiety that just keeps trying to make you believe so, that you would just bother others but I can assure you that I am really glad to hear from you anytime here. :)
Only thing that may vary is my response time, based on how busy work is but that's it all ^-^
Self-harm is tough. It is never really the problem itself more just a symptom. I do not think those are excuses. I mean, you are going through a lot and you are coping the best way you know and, well, it may include self-harm, but you are also here with us now and I am really proud of you for this. :)
I understand that you are going through a lot and we are not judging you here for SHing, it is important to know that no matter what we are always here for you, wherever you may be at the moment, you are not alone here, with us, and, really, it is okay. I have been there as well, doing things I do not exactly like to talk about but hey, you can come over this, I know you can, I know that you are really strong and we all are here for you to help you with this :)
No pressure tho, just take this one step at a time in a comfortable pace for you just know that you are not alone in this :)
I believe in you! ^-^
Stay strong anda awesome!
@redmark Thank you Red - for the understanding - for the compassion. The encouragement too. It was hard tbh - to bring this to you. Nothing against you of course and no offense intended. You have never been anything but kind to me.
Thank you for not judging me. It's hard between the anxiety and the past judgment to realize that not everyone is like that. It's hard to be able to open up to people without fear of it coming back to bite me. Being told that the SH is stupid and I'm stupid for doing it. That it's a weakness. I guess I'm probably not the only who has heard things things.
Idk - I guess I have a hard remembering I'm not alone with this - with these thoughts. These urges.
I really do appreciate you Red - for who you are and all you do here to help everyone. I hope I can return the favor to you some day - if you need it.
Thank you again. For everything. Take care
@mytwistedsoul
You are definitely not alone J.
Our mind finds ways to make sure that we can cope with difficulties and survive, it is pretty amazing actually. Dissociating or self-harming are a couple of examples of this. They are unhealthy, sure, they don't serve us in the long-term, and therefore we have to train ouselves towards better mechanisms, but stupidity has nothing to do with it... Nothing...
@mytwistedsoul *offering safe hugs* (no pressure, just in case)
You know, there is still sadly quite some stigma about self-harm sadly and some people are just quick to make judgement. I am sorry that you had to deal with that.
Self-harm is definitely not stupid and neither are you. I mean, I know it tough, I know that you have been through a lot and you are just trying to cope with all that the best you can and, really, I am proud of you. I am proud of you because I know how tough it is to open up and reach out for help and I can see that you are really trying your best in spite of everything.
I do not want you to feel pressured here to get better all I want is to be here for you, through all this and just help you to get through this as best as you can, one step at a time. I know that anxiety can really make you doubt yourself a lot but we do not judge you here and, as hard as it is, neither should you be so hard on yourself.
We are just glad to have you here with us, no matter what, and we are here to help or just listen at any time. Your feelings and you are valid and important and always will be.
@redmark
I feel happy when I'm in the school but I feel sad and angry when I have to back to house, I don't like stay with my parents because they never listen me, and they just talk about school and not talk about how I feel :c
@HarleyCandyDanellaElectra. Some people can have past hangups that make it hard to be close and emotionally involved. Know its not reflective on you. Finding company outside of school and home may help. Possibly a support group or club of some type. Remember that you have 7 cups to support you emotionally as well, which you seem to know by now.
Hey there @HarleyCandyDanellaElectra *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to have you here with us!
I am glad to hear that you do enjoy school. On the other hand, I am sorry to hear that your relationship with your parents is not the best. I do agree with the previous post that it might be worth to look for some clubs or such in your school or area. Also, I do not know how much your parents might be open about it but you can try to bring up topics that you would like to talk about as school really is just one of those safe topics you can ask someone about if you do not have much else to start with. Of course, it is possible that your parents are really just so focused on school, so no pressure with this latter one. :)
Also, of course, we always are here for you no matter what if you would just like to vent or if there is anything we may be able to help you with :)
Stay awesome!